16 You can beat a Deadhorse.
The Elder and The Tinker stopped on the outskirts of Deadhorse. They loaded the bike on to the back of the rollback. They were in a gravel parking lot surrounded by off road dump trucks and other heavy equipment. The tanker was not far from them.
"What about it Tinker how are we going to get rid of the GPS tracker?"
"Just give me some time Scholar. I need to open up the PDP and check for some new wiring then follow it to our problem child, bypass that box to complete the circuit then everything is kosher."
"So what are we talking about 15 minutes? 20?"
"Most likely. Just from a cursory look at this boneyard there might be enough good parts from the 7 of these wrecks to get one running." The Tinker pondered as he watched the sun fade.
"Only way to answer that question is to work through the night on one. Pick one out Tinker I'll do the heavy lifting." The Elder began to limber up.
He went to a wreck with a flat tire squatted down low underneath the bumper then stood up lifting the tire off the ground.He repeated this gesture a few times.
"Hehehe the old man has still got it. I wonder if he soiled his diaper." White Tides whispered into the Tinker's ear.
"Scholar start tossing as many tires and rims as you can grab into the back of this hauler I don't want to have to go on a fishing trip for a long time."
*Freedom Town.
Soup Bone was in his dank little foxhole. He was contemplating how to get over the loss of his precious noodles. The bbq was fun but those gluttons ate all the ribs. He played nice in front of Young Three but he still had full intentions of killing Grubworm. He knew it was going to be impossible as long as the boy was under her aegis. He grabbed a pair of dirty panties hanging from a peg on the walls of his hole. He put them to his face and gave a deep sniff. Yes Young Three one day we will be together. He was lost in thoughts of her.
*Thump Thump Thump
"Soup Bone it's your turn in the saddle quit huffing those bloody drawers bro." A voice said from above.
"Do I interfere with Baby time Hare Lip?"
"My wife and I have an emotional and spiritual connection. You know I am impotent."
"Make Johnny Cakes sit on Gray Belly next."
"Baby says you are going to go blind down there."
* Young Three's tent.
"Grubworm, you have way more energy
than I thought you did. It's time for some inclined pushups. I want you to beat your face."
Joe dropped to the floor banging his head against it a few times.
Young Three laughed.
"No jackass put your feet on the chair then get at it."
Joe struggled as he made his 10th pressup and then he really did beat his face.
"Okay Grubworm get up do some squats."
She kept him at it for the next hour is so basic calisthenics. It was slow and painful like watching a baby elephant being devoured by ants. The death throes were entertaining to watch.
"Grubworm are you tired enough yet?"
"The recruit feels like refried dogshit on a piece of toast."
"So the recruit wants toast. If you can joke it's time for some farmer's walks."
Young Three hooked a ball and chain to each of Joe's legs.
"Now make a trip down the hill to the pond and back while carrying these barbells."
Joe couldn't budge from the spot the barbells refused to lift from the floor.
"First Sergeant is now a Dungeon Master." Joe laughed like a maniac.
"I suppose I should get the bullwhip."
Joe jerkily made himself move the weights dragging behind him.
"Yes master..." He couldn't resist an Igor impression.
This time no fist. No pain.
"Grubworm you are like mold. You stuck around long enough to grow on me."
Joe walked down the hill towards the pond when he lost his footing then slid down the hill into the muck at the water's edge. He began to sink. He remained calm. He wasn't afraid of drowning anymore. He sunk down past his head his world turned dark.
*Astral Wunderland.
He was back on his beach this time on a sofa
a blonde beauty was on each leg.
They were hellbent on turning his neck into one big hickie. He was watching more pretty ladies frolic in the water. He looked up at the perfect sky. A biplane flew with a banner trailing it.
My son wait for me. I will save you.
Another came behind it. Just Kidding im out having the time of my life.
Yep that sounds like dad. Joe laughed.
His waiter arrived with another perfect cheeseburger. He took a bite. Mustard and grease dripped onto his chin. One of the blondes took up a cloth napkin the waiter left behind on the arms of the couch dabbing his face clean.
"Don't you want to get into the water babe?" The blondes asked dragging him with them.
"Ladies ladies ladies the only place I belong is on my butt drinking something sweet."
"Let's play babe."
"No way I'm going inside you girls can do what you want."
Joe slipped his arms free from their hold on him. He looked on the cliff behind him and saw an awesome mansion he just knew was his. It had eight stories and two wings that he could see. It was a long climb but he knew he could make it. He just had to get there.
Young Three was starting to wonder where Joe had wandered off to but then she remembered that she had sent him to the pond. It was less than a quarter mile away he shouldn't be taking this long to get back.
His mansion had a fountain. He had a fucking fountain sitting in the middle of a horseshoe driveway. He let it spray his face. He raised his hands in celebration.He looked at the beautiful roses outside the mahogany double doors with the big brass knockers on them. He sniffed a rose then ran his hand across the rich dark wood. I wonder what kind of car I have in the garage. I bet there's more than one.
Young Three walked to the pond looking for Joe. She found him covered in mud and dead grass the only part of him clean was his face and belly. Shit she thought now I need to get more water. She raced to the pond after she took up the bucket.
Joe had found heaven it was a projection screen in his lime green camel skin carpeted living room. His zebra print couch could seat 12 people.
Young Three had Joe rinsed clean and had taken him back to the tent and tried to wake him.
There was an earthquake the house shuddered but it stood strong. He turned on the projector. His favorite cartoon was playing. The mouse always wins thought Joe.
"It was a good thing you got me here tonight." Hare Lip told Young Three. "He is definitely crazy. Unresponsive to verbal or physical stimuli. Catatonic his eyes are wide open. This could be dangerous if it lasts too long."
"I tried beating him awake that's all I can do."
Hare Lip kissed Baby on the cheek. "Baby can you see what's going on in there?"
He touched the baby to Joe's forehead.
Joe was eating spray cheese and crackers.
He was cranking death metal on his home stereo system while watching a mouse pour acid on a cat's head on the screen.
There was a knock at the door so he got up to answer it. At his door was a woman wearing a floral print mumu with rollers in her hair.
"Hare Lip told me to come in here and get you out. I'm not taking no for an answer kid."
"Fuck you granny this is my house. Kick rocks." He tried to close the door but a foot came in.
"I said not happening kid you are going back with me."
Joe opened the door and quickly slammed it into the woman's foot. The woman yowled. She took her foot out of the door jamb.
Joe shut the door and locked it.
"Baby said she tried. He don't want to leave. He's way too strong in there."
"Thanks for nothing."
Young Three made preparations for bed. She figured that she could leave Joe outside whatever place he was in it might be better not to try to move him.
