30. A Giant Leap

X~~~~X

Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea after all, Kate thought as she stood in front of Castle's front door. She hadn't told Castle she would be able to join them for dinner after all. She wanted it to be a surprise and she didn't want to make a promise to Alexis that she wouldn't be able to keep because she needed to work longer. Being pulled off the Vice assignment didn't mean she could leave the precinct on time, but Montgomery had actually sent her home early, which even gave her enough time to get Alexis' present and still be at the loft before dinner.

But now, standing unannounced in front of his door, she thought she should have called and asked Castle if it was okay for her to join them. Maybe he had made other plans, maybe he …

It was too late now though. She was here and there was no turning back now, so with one last, deep breath she raised her hand and knocked.

Castle looked surprised towards the door, "Do you expect someone?" He asked, frowning at his mother.

Martha shook her head, shooting him a pointed look, "Whom would I expect?"

"I don't know," he shrugged with a smirk, "A secret admirer?"

"If only," the actress sighed dramatically, taking the spatula from her son's hand as he was walking out of the kitchen to see who was at the door. "Don't mess up my dinner," he called over his shoulder and received an eye roll from his mother in return.

Crossing the room he glanced at his two girls, sitting next to each other on the couch, both engrossed in a new book Alexis had gotten from her grandmother and which she was currently reading to Jamie.

He opened the door with a smile on his lips, which quickly fell from his face when he saw who was on the other side.

"Kate," he sputtered, surprised. "What are you doing here? I thought you said you had to work."

For a moment she feared he might be angry, "I – I got pulled off the assignment," she stuttered, feeling uneasy. She should have called.

"And you came here?" He asked, kind of dumbfounded.

"It's Alexis' birthday," Kate offered a bit stupidly herself, a nervous smile on her lips, suddenly feeling totally out of place.

"Richard, Darling? Who is it?" His mother called from the kitchen, pulling his attention away from Kate.

His head shooting around, he looked back into the kitchen before turning back to Kate this time with a big smile on his face as he said, "It's Kate."

At the mentioning of Kate's name, Alexis head flew around looking towards the door, "Kate is here?" She exclaimed, something like wonder in her voice and Castle finally stepped aside to allow Kate to step inside.

Alexis was already getting off the couch, while Jamie had to struggle her way down more carefully to follow her.

"You're here," the redhead shrieked happily as she rushed to the front door.

"Hey Alexis," Kate smiled broadly, crouching down in front of the girl and only hesitating for a moment before she pulled her in for a hug, "Happy Birthday."

"Thank you," Alexis smiled, her small arms flying around Kate's neck.

Martha watched the scene from the kitchen counter and what she saw touched her heart, Alexis whose own mother still had to call to wish her daughter a happy birthday, was beaming up at Kate for the simple reason that she was here, that she cared enough to make an effort, even though strictly she didn't have to. Martha's eyes travelled to her son, still standing next to the open front door and when he lifted his head to look at her, she knew from the look on his face he was thinking the same.

"Mommy," Jamie giggled as she ran into her mother's side, obviously excited to see her mother as well.

"Hey Baby Bird," Kate laughed, catching her daughter and pulling her into her right side, while Alexis was still attached to her left. She gave her daughter a kiss, before returning her attention to Alexis.

"I have a little something for you," Kate stated and saw Alexis's eyes widen with surprise, apparently she hadn't expected a present from Kate. "Do you want to have it now or after dinner?" She asked, already knowing the answer to her question.

Alexis looked over to her father, blinking big, blue eyes at him, "Dad, can I open it now?"

He laughed, she really knew how to play it, though today she really didn't need to, "Of course you can open it now, you're the birthday girl after all."

They all moved over to the couch, Alexis carrying Kate's bag, while Jamie let go of her mother's hand and stumbled after her, Kate watching the two girls with a sparkle in her eyes. They really were thick like thieves after only a week.

She felt Castle stepping up behind her, his hand coming to rest on the small of her back as he leant closer to mumble into her ear, "Thank you."

She slightly turned her head to look at him, "For what?"

"For being here," he stated softly. "It means a lot."

Somehow she had the feeling he didn't only mean it meant a lot to Alexis, but maybe that was only wishful thinking on her side and so she just nodded, before letting him guide her over to the couch.

Martha joined them, handing Kate a glass of red wine, which Kate gladly accepted

"Thank you," she smiled at Castle's mother.

"You're welcome," Martha smiled back, her now free hand lingering on the younger woman's shoulder for a moment, giving it a squeeze, before she settled down in the armchair opposite the young folks.

Jamie and Alexis were climbing up on the couch to sit between their parents and both watched with big eyes as Kate pulled a nicely wrapped package from her bag, "It's nothing big," she said as she handed it over to Alexis, "but I thought you might like it."

Glancing over at Kate, Castle realized she looked nervous, which surprised him. Until then he had assumed she had just gotten Alexis something she had quickly picked up on her way over, but now he was curious to know what actually was in that package.

But of course his daughter took forever to peel back the paper, "Alexis no one's gonna use that paper again." He tried to make her go faster, but his daughter just shot him a pointed look.

He raised his hands in surrender, "Alright, it's your present," he pouted, looking over at Kate who was clearly amused by his behavior, though she tried to hide it.

When Alexis finally pulled away the wrapping paper, a little box appeared and she lifted big, questioning eyes to Kate, who gave her an encouraging smile, "Open it."

With a shy nod Alexis did just that, pulling open the lid of the little wooden box and staring in awe at its content.

"They are similar to mine," Kate explained, taking one of the elephants out of the box and holding it out for Alexis to see, "but yours are a little lighter in color, you see?"

"Yes," Alexis nodded, stunned.

"You like it?" Kate asked tentatively and Castle could have kissed her for the worry in her voice.

Alexis looked at Kate and with happy, shining eyes she nodded, "I love them. Thank you so much Kate."

Relieved Kate let out the breath she was holding and when Alexis threw her arms around her this time she wasn't surprised at all, just hugged her back fiercely, thinking that this was definitely so much better than standing at a windy street corner for Vice all night long and she felt a bit sorry for that Esposito guy.

"Happy Birthday Alexis," Kate mumbled into the girl's hair and when her eyes met Castle's over the top of Alexis' head, she thought she caught him blinking away a tear.

While his older daughter was carefully looking at the three other elephants in the box with Kate, he pulled Jamie into his lap and placed a tender kiss on top of her head, trying to hide the emotions that threatened to spill over.

Ever since Meredith left, Alexis' birthdays had been somewhat challenging. She was usually a cheery person but when the day went on without Meredith showing up as promised or not even calling her daughter on her special day the end was usually quite sad. Today obviously was such a day again on which Meredith couldn't be bothered to spare five minutes for her only child. So Castle had prepared himself to be the one to cheer his little girl up, telling her Meredith was just very busy and that he was sure she would call as soon as possible, knowing it was probably a lie. There was no way of knowing with his ex-wife.

But he had the strong feeling that Alexis wouldn't need any cheering up today. Jamie had kept her occupied and entertained all afternoon and with Kate showing up with what seemed to be the ultimate birthday present, things might just turn out fine for once. And he was beyond grateful for that, because his little girl just deserved it.

Clearing his head, he finally got up, throwing Jamie playfully over his shoulder, "What do you say Baby Bird, do you want to help daddy set the table?"

Jamie giggled and shrieked which Castle believed meant she was in, so he carried her over to the kitchen, leaving Kate and Alexis to marvel at the elephants. He made a mental note to ask Kate about the significance of her present later, while Martha followed him into the kitchen.

His mother had had the foresight to put the food into the oven to keep it warm when Kate had arrived, so now all they had to do was setting the table and fill the plates.

Jamie carefully took the cotton napkins from her dad and with a concentration only a two-year old could muster she carried them over to her grandmother who spread them out over the table.

Alexis and Kate followed shortly after, with the redhead clinging to Kate's hand and Castle was once more reminded how much his daughter obviously lacked a female role model in her life. Sure she had her grandmother, but she was ... well she was Martha and Kate was, he sighed, she was Kate. And he would be beyond happy if his daughter had found a friend in her.

They finally all sat down, Castle helping Jamie with the meat and whispering all kind of nonsense into her ear that made the girl giggle and spill some of her food on the table, but Castle didn't care. Not on a day like this.

Kate in the meanwhile was questioning Alexis about her last school project, wanting to know everything and Alexis was eager to share, since her own mom was always bored when she told her about school.

Martha was watching all of it with a fondness that surprised her, but as the dinner went on it became very clear to her what a good team her son and Kate would make and the small voice in her head grew louder as it came up with a plan.

"Can we still do something together on the weekend?" Alexis asked suddenly over dessert, chewing on a big chocolate chip she had found in her ice cream, looking first at her dad and then at Kate.

Kate looked up at Castle. It was not her decision to make, "Jamie and I are free," she offered.

Castle nodded, "Sure, what do you want to do?" He questioned, putting his napkin away and pulling Jamie out of the highchair to place her in his lap.

"Actually I think I have a splendid idea," Martha interrupted, knowing she had just been presented with the perfect opportunity. "Why don't you take a weekend trip to the Hamptons?" She suggested nonchalantly.

"The Hamptons?" Castle and Beckett gasped at the same time, turning wide eyes to Martha.

But the actress pretended not to pick up on the shocked tone in their voices and just went on.

"Richard, you have this wonderful house up there and wouldn't that be the perfect opportunity to make up for Kate's and Jamie's cancelled trip to Connecticut?"

Castle shot her a look, which told her he knew exactly what she was doing. Yet again his mother simply ignored him, knowing there was nothing he could do against it right now.

"You could pick up Alexis on Friday after school and go straight up there. I'm sure the girls would love it, wouldn't you kiddos?"

She made a show of getting Alexis and Jamie involved in the conversation and they both shrieked in excitement, though only Alexis had a clue what was going on and what the Hamptons actually were. Jamie was just happy to shriek, she didn't need a particular reason for it.

"I mean that's if Kate can leave the precinct early," Martha blinked her eyes innocently and Castle had to admit she was a much better actress than he usually liked to give her credit for.

Kate was totally caught off guard and so the only thing she could come up with was a mumbled, "I think."

"See," the actress stated in triumph, returning her attention to her still unfinished dessert and leaving Kate and Castle with the aftermath of her intrigue.

Looking over to Kate, Castle sensed that Kate was far from okay with what had just happened and he totally knew how she felt, he had a hard time grasping what had just happened himself so he was quick to offer her an out, "Actually I think I need to get some writing done on Sunday."

He gave his daughter an apologetic smile, "Maybe another time, Pumpkin."

Kate visibly relaxed and Castle would make sure to have a word with his mother later.

Kate and Castle stood side by side doing the dishes. Of course he had a dish washer, but the expensive wine glasses had to be hand-washed and so Kate had suggested they'd just do it all together

Martha and the girls had retreated into Castle's office to watch The Lady and the Tramp and Castle knew his mother had only volunteered so she didn't have to dry dishes, but he actually didn't mind. There was something he wanted to tell Kate and he didn't need his nosy mother around for it.

"Thank you," Castle suddenly spoke into the quiet kitchen and Kate glanced over, studying him. It hadn't gone unnoticed that he had been uncharacteristically quiet since they finished dinner.

"For doing the dishes?" She laughed lightly, "You cooked, it's the least I can do."

"That's not what I meant," he said, still not looking at her, concentrating on the wine glass in his hands.

Putting the dish towel away, Kate turned to give him a closer look, "Hey, you okay?"

Her hand came to rest on his forearm and he realized they did that a lot lately, the touching.

He sighed, turning as well and leaning against the sink, "It's just -," he stopped, started anew, "Meredith, Alexis' mother, she didn't even call."

"What?" Kate gasped in shock. "She didn't call for her daughter's birthday?"

He shrugged, "No call, no present, no nothing. Though I shouldn't be surprised, it's not the first time it happened."

"I'm sorry Castle," Kate mumbled, her hand squeezing his arm, because she knew it was not about him, his heart was breaking for his little girl.

"Since she moved to California she's been more like a ghost than a mother. Appearing unannounced and out of nowhere and gone as quickly." He let his hands run through his hair, making it stick up. It made him look younger and Kate couldn't help but think that he looked adorable.

"I'm not saying she doesn't love Alexis, I know she does she just has a crappy way of showing it and Alexis is the one who gets hurt. A child needs both parents -," he trailed off, letting his head hang down and feeling Kate's hand move away from his arm.

When he looked up, he realized Kate had become awfully stiff at his side.

"Kate?" Castle asked softly, but she refused to look at him and as his last words replayed in his head as he realized how it must sounded to her, and shit, that's so not what he'd meant.

"Kate," he stuttered. "You don't believe that I think you're a bad mom, do you?"

Her silence was answer enough.

He sighed, his hand running down his face, that was so far from the truth, if there had been one thing he had known from the start, it's that Kate Beckett was the greatest mom a child could ask for.

Castle reached for her hand and tugged her along with him towards the dinner table, making sure their daughters and his mother were still fully engaged in their movie before he pulled her down next to him.

The lost insecure look on her face made him reach out and tuck her smaller hand into his. Sometimes he just forgot how young she was, not even 23 and maybe besides telling her he needed some time to come to terms with things a couple of days ago, he should have told her how much he admired her for what she had achieved as well.

But he'd feared it would've sounded strange coming from him and it had been awkward enough the next morning, so when they had seemed to find their footing he hadn't dared to do something to disturb that.

"I didn't mean you, Kate," he started. "As a matter of fact, I think you are an amazing mom. Just look at Jamie. She's a gorgeous, smart and most importantly happy little girl and all because of you." He told her and with a smirk added, "Well maybe I had something to do with the smart part as well."

She let out a tearful chuckle at that, but still refused to look at him.

"Maybe I did a poor job the other day when I said I needed time, which is still true though. I can't pretend that the past two years didn't happen. Because I love Jamie with all my heart and there's nothing I wouldn't do for her or wouldn't have done to be there for her right from the start. I would have been there for her and for you." He waited for his words to sink in before he continued.

"But what I obviously didn't make very clear is that I understand what you've been going through. And I know the decisions you made were not light-hearted."

Something like a sob escaped Kate's mouth and he squeezed her hand tighter.

"Believe me if I'd had to live through what you did, I wouldn't have come out with my head held high. But you did, you fought for our daughter and gave her everything she needed and made her happy. And in the end that's what matters most." He ended softly and saw a lone tear escape down her face and without thinking he reached out and brushed it away. Because under the tough façade that was Kate Beckett appeared a vulnerable and insecure young woman that maybe from time to time needed someone to tell her how great, how extraordinary she was.

"We can't turn back time and re-do the past two years even though we both want to, but we can take it from here." He smiled, "Just be prepared for a lot of questions like: What was her first word? When did she make her first step? Her first boo-boo. Her -."

He heard her chuckle and then saw her finally lifting her eyes to him, "Sounds only fair."

"Hey," he said softly, "All I wanted to say earlier was that I wish Meredith was more like you."

Oh, Kate's eyes shut at his words, new tears forming.

"It means the world to Alexis that you're here today." He sighed, "I just wish she had someone she could talk to if she doesn't want to come to me or my mother," he knew he was assuming a lot, maybe even asking a lot without really asking, because technically Kate was not bound to Alexis in any way at all, he just wished ...

"She has someone," Kate interrupted his thoughts, confirming his assumption with not a single sign of doubt in her voice. There was something she'd learned over the past couple of days, this strange family vibe they had going on ever since Jamie's birthday, it was good, not only for Jamie, but for herself as well. Maybe it was unorthodox, but then again what about her life wasn't? But it worked, it worked for them.

She adored Alexis and she had no idea how a mother could not want to spent every single minute with the cute redhead and Martha ... well, she was certainly something and Kate liked the slightly overly dramatic approach to things the actress obviously had, contrary to her own more levelheaded way of thinking. But most importantly she didn't remind her of her own mom and that was a huge relief, she could look at Castle and Martha without grieving for what she'd lost.

"You know what?" She suddenly breathed, taking Castle a bit by surprise. "Unless you really have to write, we should go to the Hamptons."

"What?" His voice came out more girlier than he'd intended.

"I think it could be nice, a new start - we have to start somewhere, right?" She shrugged.

Castle nodded, he understood. He had said it himself, there was nothing they could do about the past two years and even though they had talked,- until tonight it had still been dangling above their heads. But Kate was right, they had to move forward, let the past be what it was, the past.

"You mean like the beginning of us as," he hesitated but decided it didn't matter after all that had been said tonight, this couldn't hurt them, "as a family?" Because that's what her showing up today meant to him, to him Jamie and Kate were both family now, if she wanted it or not.

"As messed up as it might be," Kate sighed, but didn't seem to be bothered by his choice of word.

He shook his head, "We're not messed up, we're just different."

Kate accepted that with a nod, realizing her hand was still safe in his and she turned it so their palms touched, before she slowly pulled back.

"So?" He asked hopefully.

"So I'll ask the Captain if I can have Friday off," she concluded, looking at him.

"Good," he smiled broadly and she couldn't help but do the same.

They sat in silence for a while, but it wasn't awkward, it was content, both of them aware of what they had achieved today and then she looked at him, biting down on her bottom lip, trying to hide a smirk.

"I told Royce the truth," she said and Castle's eyes went wide.

"You what?!"

X~~~X