Chapter 49

She wants to laugh hysterically but composes herself at the last second. She's so, so lucky she doesn't have a mouth and that expression on this form are difficult.

"James Howlett," the Colonel answers Steve's question, though his eyes never leave her form. "He enlisted as soon as the war started and, so far, has gotten outstanding achievements. He always completes his mission with no mark on him. Some higher ups have taken notice of him. They're calling him 'The Wolverine'."

Shit.

There's no picture, but now she's no longer doubting it. It seems the mutants are in this world, too. Still reeling from that information, she's quick to make a lie.

'I've seen him today, I think,' she says, hoping he really is on this base like the Colonel previously commented. 'Remember the people with powers I mentioned?'

The Colonel's eyes sharpen.

"He's one of them?" he says at the same time Howard adds, "Which power does he have?"

She attempts to shrug, which is difficult in this form. 'I'm not sure. I've noticed he's more animal-like, though.'

They all seem to ponder the implications of that. 'So, what was the second request, Steve?'

He shakes his head. "I want you to take part in the team as a medical assistant and to help us if we find any other victims like the ones we've encountered."

She blinks and doesn't think too much as she says. 'I'm in, then.'

The Colonel frowns as he looks at the file. "Accept Howlett in your team, with you and Lilith in it, maybe we can discover more about him."

She gives him an odd look. 'He didn't seem like a bad guy.'

"That doesn't explain why he entered the military."

Shaking her head, she tries to convey her next word as seriously as she can. 'These people may have powers, but in the end, they're still people. It's just another ability in their arsenal. Howard may be a civilian, but I'm sure he's smarter than most people on Earth. It's just genetics, Colonel.'

"You said it yourself; they're people. And from what I've seen, no one is black and white. They all come in different shades of gray, so better to be sure."

She nods at him before looking at Steve. "Inform the team. I'll erase the mind of the ones currently sleeping. We will talk when I'm done with this. That means tomorrow, captain."

"I'll offer you breakfast if the team accepts, then."

"Good Luck," she says and starts working.

Before, she could distract people from thinking about her with a something that makes her think of the anti-muggle wards from Harry Potter. But now, she has to change their thoughts directly. And she's surprised by how easy it seems to be. Shaping their minds easily is not surprising, as she expect them to not have safeguards, but having so much power is also quite scary.

She's afraid.

It makes her remember the first time she tried to smoke weed. Emphasis in 'tried'. She didn't know how to smoke, even if she was already eighteen. When her cousin offered to give her two tries, citing that it was her birthday present for becoming an adult, she just inhaled, trying to look cool. She didn't truly comprehend that the smoke had to enter her lungs literally. Or at least, she knew in theory, but practice was a quite different story. Her cousin laughed, because of course he did, but gave her no more, only telling her that maybe he will let her try once more if she learns how to smoke first.

At that time, she had depression and had heard a lot of weed and wanted to feel its effects, so she yearned to try it. That's why she learned to smoke normal cigarettes. There wasn't an opportunity to smoke weed until she was twenty-five and already on the road of recovery. Her depression was bearable thanks to pills and her family support. She stopped drinking and smoking by then. Though that phase of her life only lasted a year, she still didn't trust herself with not falling into that hole.

So, she was twenty-five and being offered her weed for the second time.

She didn't take it, didn't even bother to try it. She was afraid of herself, after all. Not wanting to become dependent on something once again. She already had to cope with taking two different pills, because what if…

No. She was afraid of it, so she didn't take it.

Like she's now afraid of the power she's now realizing she holds and how it can change her.

She knows she's powerful. She's always known as soon as she woke up as Mew, but then it was hard to realize it with how weak she had been. Only now it's hitting her. She's strong and will become stronger with time.

Will it consume her?

She shakes her head.

The better question is, will she let it consume her?

She doesn't know if her will is strong, and that scares her.

However, she can't stop. She promised to do it, so even if it scares her, she will have to do it.

Her hands tremble as she tries to detach herself as much as she can from the situation. It almost feels like she's outside her body as she edits the memories of everyone who remembers her or has listened of her.

She does it slowly, trying not to see too deep into their memories. When it's hard not to glimpse into their lives, she does two people at the same time, hoping for it to be harder. When it doesn't work, she does more at the same time. Then ten, twenty, and fifty. Until she's sweating and can't feel their hopes and aspirations. Things that remind her that these are real people. Beautiful people who hate and love, who murder and gave birth to so many wonders. They're not characters in a movie but as real as herself.

For some reason, that realization is the one that hits the hardest.

She knew about it, of course she did. She considered Tony and Pepper real people, but what about the others? The so-called NPCs were real from the films, the ones without voices or just with one line in the script. If Tony was real for her, why weren't they? She thought she was over this, but maybe she was just lying to herself.

So, she cries as she finishes editing the memories of everyone. She for the fragility of human and life. And now that she's now crying, why not let all out? So she cries for the family she lost and for Tony, whom she had to leave behind. She cries for the people around her and for all the suffering she can feel on this continent. She cries because how fragile human life is and how many greater beings are out there wanting to destroy life.

Luckily it is late, or early if you take into account the clock making it known it's almost four in the morning. Luckily, she doesn't have a mouth currently, only tears leaking from her expressive eyes.

Luckily, she's alone, and no one can see her trembling form as she sobs.

Luckily, she…

When her head touches the wall next to her, its coldness waking her a little from her little pity party, she realizes about what a shitty luck she has.

She teleports to the tent assigned to her and falls asleep.

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I want to get back to writing, so here's a chapter. I'll also write while streaming on Twitch (jorieds) in a while, mostly to try this app. And though my computer is not the best (mostly bought for writing and surfing through the internet), if you want to encourage me, join me :D

I'll be writing chapter 60 as that's where I am on patreon.