Chapter 32 - Trauma hits harder

'God, I'm tired. Ugh…'

'Why the hell would you stay up all night then?'

It was late at night and I'd been writing and strategizing over and over again to prepare myself for the worst. Of course, whenever I make anything, I immediately devour them with [Gluttony] to not left any evidence behind. I don't want anyone to find out anything that I've written since it contains information that should be impossible for a 6-year-old to know.

'Well, you already know that I'm nervous as a train wreck right now since I don't know what to do with our parents! That's why I'm going to stay up all night to strat-'

'Idiot! You don't need to do that, you know?'

'Why not?! I need to do this so that-'

'You really think your parents will abandon you or your sister because of what happened? Yes, they are disappointed but they will not abandon you like that since you guys are their children, stop being paranoid!'

'I'm not being paranoid! I'm just doing this just in case!'

'Why go so far to do this-'

'Because of my childhood! Have you forgotten?!'

'...I'm sorry. I forgot…'

'Don't sweat it. It's not like you will remember everything about me even if you watch my entire life multiple times.'

She is right. I'm being paranoid. There is no way they will abandon us. I know how much they love us, maybe more than I know. I know that they will still be with us even after this event. So why… why am I doing this…

God, I thought I already buried this a long time ago. I thought I had already overcome it a long time ago. I thought I got used to it now. I guess it triggered again when I saw those expressions… Haha, I'm weak.

In my previous life, I have a rough childhood. I don't even remember how many times I have been abandoned by people I love when I needed them the most. It happens so many times that I got used to them. I got used to them that I thought I have overcome them.

This is the reason why I became very good at analyzing the types of people that I'm dealing with. Even if it doesn't show, most of the time, if not always, would be able to find out what kind of person you are.

From all of the people who abandoned me, they will always have varying expressions but one thing that constantly sticks with all of them… their eyes.

Their eyes, those gazes, those emotions hiding behind their eyes. It scares me, but also infuriates me.

Why do they look like they are pitying me? Why do they look like they are worried about me? Why do they look like they regretted everything? Why are they showing such sad eyes in front of me?!

If you are actually feeling those things for me, then why the hell would you abandon me?! I became so used to this feeling that I became numb. I am not able to feel this way anymore after experiencing it too many times, so why?! Why am I feeling this way again?!

'Tomo, calm down.'

'Yeah, yeah. I know. Just give me a moment.'

'...'

'Tomo. Listen to me. What you are thinking right now is wrong, alright? You must believe me. So get some rest.'

'...'

'Fine.'

I slept. I slept hard. I closed my eyes shut as if I'm never going to open them. Why am I doing this… why am I acting like this… I'm already 15 years old or maybe older, so why am I acting like this… I know that my mind has been rejuvenating this entire time but… have I become such a child…

'Rest up. Sleep. And all your worries will go away…'

Stop treating me as a kid, Aurelia.

…

….

...

….

…

'...wake up.'

Shut up. Let me sleep. I'm tired. I'm scared. I don't want to wake up. Leave me alone…

'Wake up!'

I woke up after hearing someone's voice shouting at me. God, this thing is really creeping inside of me. Why does trauma always hit back at you whenever you least expect it. I became such a child, my mental strength is weaker than I thought.

'God, are you going to stay like this or are you going to get ready?'

'...Yeah, yeah, I'm coming.'

'Good. Just remember, don't be afraid. Everything will be fine.'

I hope so because I don't want to experience it again. My day went by as normal. Take a bath, get dressed up, and blah blah blah. I wonder how long it will take me to find something different. I proceeded to go to the dining room and already saw some changes. Our parents weren't there. I thought so.

I asked one of the servants about my parents and they replied that they had already eaten a while ago. That's new, they normally eat with us even if they are busy. We just continued eating and immediately left. My sister was depressed the whole time that it even concerned Miles, I mean, I would be too.

She seemed to be thinking about something until she made up her mind and left. I wonder what she was thinking about. Well, I think I need to rest up for a bit, I'm getting depressed just thinking about last night. I was about to go to my room to rest up for a bit until someone grabbed me out of nowhere.

"Nee, Onii-chan, what are you and Fuyumi-nee-san depressed about? Don't tell me you guys fight or something? Did you guys have a lover's quarrel?"

Someone whispered. The one who spoke was Kaguya. Someone who got reincarnated as me and was someone that I know of in my previous life as well. Even though her personality is this, she puts a smile on my face whenever she talks like this. Man, I'm about to cry if this continues longer.

"I'm fine, we're fine, it's just… well…"

"What?"

"...do you remember what you told me before when we found out we were reincarnated?"

"Which one?"

"You know, that thing that you said that you will not tell anyone about…"

"Oh, that! Yeah, don't worry. I have never told anyone about-"

"We told them."

"What? What did you say?"

"Me and Fuyumi-nee-san… told our parents about it…"

"... wow. Well, that took an awfully long time to confess about. Why are you guys depressed though?"

"Well, let's just say yesterday wasn't the best day for us…"

"You guys got scolded or something? Isn't that normal?"

"... We were told to get out in a very serious tone."

"Out the room, right?"

"Yeah… but my sister and I just…"

"Oh, c'mon. You really thought that they meant out of the palace, right? Dude, you don't have to worry about that. C'mon, talk to them again."

'See, Tomo, even your sister says so. Just go already. It will be fine.'

"But-"

"No buts! Didn't you always tell me to not be afraid to talk in our previous life? Just go already before I kiss your ass off!"

Oh yeah, I forgot. I used to tell her that in our previous world. It's been so long that I have forgotten about it. I chuckled, they are right, I shouldn't be afraid to do this, what am I even doing.

"Thanks. That helped me a bit."

"Told ya, so get going!"

"Alright…"

I went straight to my sister's room to find her and take her so that we could confront our parents but I couldn't find her there. What the- Where did she go?

'Tomo, you know where she is right now.'

'But is she really there or-'

'She is. You and I know it.'

Fine. I walked out of the room and went straight to the office where I saw my sister standing at the door. I guess she made up her mind, huh. Well then, I better get prepared for what's about to happen.