cosmicslime
Novice Author. Other username - FIAMMA01
Writing
of reading
102
Read books
Italics would be good for these.
The premise of the story isn't really clear for the first few sections, but the narrative clues were engaging enough to grab attention. Also when voicing the MC's inner thoughts, try spacing them out so they don't get jumbled in with other paragraphs. Like this: (Where am I?") Instead of: There was no one there.(Where am I?) He slowly rose from the bed.
"Nothing came to mind'
Added to library. This was actually a really good read, the main character rumi is pretty funny and her reaction to the decisions she made three years ago is played out pretty well, especially the part about this nearly being a slice of life story. Keep it up!
This starts off really, really strong. The very first monologue sounded like it took a lot of time and effort to come up with and the protagonist seems like he'd be the perfect fit for that line of thought. Chapter 1 goes from 0 to 100 really fast so that alone should be more than enough to attract readers. Keep it up!
"Maniacal"
Say should be "sorry".
Amazing story. The opening chapter lays the foundation for the world of Eldoria and the story as a whole. The whole dialogue about Night and chaos, and how the very universe came to be was really captivating, and to top it off the characters themselvs were a standout, Theo, leo, Aria and Caleb. They give the story a quaint vybe for the setting and are comelling enough to retain interest.
Reviewing at chapter 34: The atmosphere of this story is captured pretty well, the details about the souls screaming in agony and the hollow darkness that surrounded them was something that was actually engaging. The main issue I have is remembering who's who here....like the names Titan 5, Titan 6 and Titan 7 don't exactly stand out.
The story feels captivating enough, the opening chapters are marked with intrigue and make you feel a part of the world. The characters are a strong point too and in the first sections it’s good that you get to see the world from their perspective. Also the descriptive writing, it really sets the fantasy tone and paints the story in your mind.