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Matrino2

Matrino2

Lv2

just a writer and avid reader

2023-09-29 JoinedSouth Africa
1d

Writing

0.8h

of reading

52

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4

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39
  • Matrino2
    Matrino23mth
    Posted

    Firstly heres a few things you should take note about your synopsis. Reason why I refuse to read it and mainly why others would too Grammar and clarity: * The sentence structure is awkward and grammatically incorrect in some places. * Sentences like "fortune is at one's fingertips, gambling altar king appears in the sky, romantic encounter comes one after another…" are vague and lack focus. * The parallel world concept isn't clearly introduced or connected to the protagonist's life. **Character descriptions:** * Xu Qing's description is generic and lacks personality traits. The "clairvoyance divine eye" sounds interesting, but we need to know how it affects him and his choices. * Qin Bing's description in the parallel world raises questions but doesn't explain how she connects to the main story. Is she an antagonist or another version of the sister-in-law? Intrigue and plot: * The synopsis mentions opportunities and superpowers, but it doesn't hint at the challenges or conflicts Xu Qing might face. What obstacles will he need to overcome? * The "gambling altar king" and "romantic encounters" seem like random elements thrown in without context. How do they fit into the main narrative? Overall: The synopsis lacks a clear direction and doesn't effectively hook the reader. It gives a confusing glimpse of the story without providing enough context or motivation to dive in. Here are some suggestions for improvement: * **Focus on the core conflict:** What is the main challenge or obstacle Xu Qing will face? Use the synopsis to introduce this conflict and show how the "clairvoyance divine eye" plays a role in it. Develop the characters: Briefly showcase Xu Qing's personality and motivations. How does the eye change him? Briefly hint at Qin Bing's connection to the story, without giving away too much. Use strong verbs and imagery: Replace vague phrases with specific details that evoke curiosity and excitement. By making these changes, you can create a synopsis that effectively grabs the reader's attention and leaves them wanting more.

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    Perspective-Golden Pupils
    Urban · weisi92
    detail
  • Matrino2
    Matrino23mth
    Replied to Uncle_Sheogorath

    What does africa have to do with this ?

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    Darius Supreme
    Fantasy · Kotario
    detail
  • Matrino2
    Matrino25mth
    Posted

    Its definitely a well written book. The grammer, the plot and the characters show that you are working on this seriously. Continue writing ![img=update][img=recommend]

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    Daughter Of Retribution
    History · Zeera_Jay
    detail
  • Matrino2
    Matrino25mth
    Commented

    Is he carrying a sword and axe ? I almost thought it was mistake 😅

    Ch 1 1. A Promise Unfulfilled
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    Daughter Of Retribution
    History · Zeera_Jay
    detail
  • Matrino2
    Matrino25mth
    Replied to Zeera_Jay

    Thank you for the kind words. Im happy you like it !

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    The Gods Of Alkebulan
    Fantasy · Matrino2
    detail
  • Matrino2
    Matrino26mth
    Replied to Daoistma0B2G

    Thank you for the kind words 😆

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    The Gods Of Alkebulan
    Fantasy · Matrino2
    detail
  • Matrino2
    Matrino26mth
    Replied to Goosey_Goo

    well its all up to you 😇

    Ch -1 Prologue
    altalt
    The Gods Of Alkebulan
    Fantasy · Matrino2
    detail
  • Matrino2
    Matrino26mth
    Posted

    I'll be honest.....I didnt think it would be...THIS GOOD !!![img=update]. The characters feel so alive. You're a top notch writer for sure. Her gruesome death was hard to read 🙈

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    The Mysterious Daughter of a Northern Duke
    General · Goosey_Goo
    detail
  • Matrino2
    Matrino26mth
    Replied to Goosey_Goo

    thank you ! appreciate it [img=recommend]

    This paragraph has been deleted.
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    The Gods Of Alkebulan
    Fantasy · Matrino2
    detail
  • Matrino2
    Matrino26mth
    Replied to Goosey_Goo

    If you dont see the need for it, dont. I only wrote it to build the backstory. Its all part of the plan for my universe

    Ch -1 Prologue
    altalt
    The Gods Of Alkebulan
    Fantasy · Matrino2
    detail
  • Matrino2
    Matrino26mth
    Replied to Goosey_Goo

    Thank you and yup, I care about this book alot

    altalt
    The Gods Of Alkebulan
    Fantasy · Matrino2
    detail
  • Matrino2
    Matrino26mth
    Replied to Matrino2

    you*

    altalt
    The Gods Of Alkebulan
    Fantasy · Matrino2
    detail
  • Matrino2
    Matrino26mth
    Replied to Reshoph

    Thank, take time to read the prologue too, it will help you understand the story better

    altalt
    The Gods Of Alkebulan
    Fantasy · Matrino2
    detail
  • Matrino2
    Matrino26mth
    Replied to Reshoph

    Anytime, Happy for you that you started. Keep writing, cant wait for chapter 4 !

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    Free-zing
    Fantasy · Reshoph
    detail
  • Matrino2
    Matrino26mth
    Posted

    The concept is good, I like it. You just need to improve on your writing. Your story has potential. Just keep writing and you'll see improvement. And also read similar books to the one you're writing. Use AI like bard to also help you if you cant afford an editor !

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    Free-zing
    Fantasy · Reshoph
    detail
  • Matrino2
    Matrino26mth
    Replied to UelUel

    Im trying to build a whole universe, currently seeing how far I can push the limits of fantasy and my imagination, thank you for the review !

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    The Gods Of Alkebulan
    Fantasy · Matrino2
    detail
  • Matrino2
    Matrino26mth
    Replied to UelUel

    oh okay [img=recommend]

    Ch 1 Ten Years
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    The Gods Of Alkebulan
    Fantasy · Matrino2
    detail
  • Matrino2
    Matrino26mth
    Replied to UelUel

    no problem will do !

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    ReWorld: The DwarfCat-earedElf
    Fantasy · UelUel
    detail
  • Matrino2
    Matrino26mth
    Posted

    I read 3 chapters and so far its great, I've been sleeping on FL books cause you guys keep surprising me. Keep up the good work. The characters are interesting. The dream holder power is fascinating. The potential it has !

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    ReWorld: The DwarfCat-earedElf
    Fantasy · UelUel
    detail
  • Matrino2
    Matrino26mth
    Replied to MonicaLsk

    Oh I see, thats cool 😆

    altalt
    Mystery of the Whispering Grove
    Fantasy · MonicaLsk
    detail