Ibakedmypotatoes
You'd have to mash the potatoes once you've boiled them. Thus, I baked my potatoes.
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Turn Null, is origin skill. Azathoth is ultimate. and Turn null is Azathoth's subskill. You like tweaking the canon so much then fine, it's a fanfic anyway. I won't judge. (Judging you silently)
You know... that's a really vague explanation. Here's a plausible explanation: it's a fanfic. Ima stop asking.
Fun fact: Webnovel has a profanity filter. Simply speaking, Anything you wrote will be filtered and any "curse words" like the F word, N word, and others will likely be deleted by the mod and no one could see it other than you (it appears on your activity, but it will not be shown to someone, the book, or the paragraph you commented). In other words; if you actually think everything I said is just..."B*tching" like YOU. Then you're probably just a kid acting tough by cursing in your comments. I thought I can have an actual discussion. What a disappointment.
In addition, all people who use script style would at least use punctuations correctly. If you want to post something like this, post it on Wattpad. None will judge you there. I know a few script-style works in Wattpad that actually readable. Even if his work is script-styled, not only does he pays attention to his grammar, but he also uses punctuations correctly. And not only that, he wrote narrations rather than leaving the conversation untouched. He told us the facial expressions of a character every time that character talked or acted. If you're going to complain about my review then at least stop reviewing a one-star on works you hated while spamming curses as a review. And if you don't want anyone to judge you, GO TO F*CKING WATTPAD.
Punctuations. PLEASE USE PUNCTUATIONS. Your way of writing is so f*cked up that it makes me want to leave it the moment I see a WHOLE paragraph with no dots. Not to mention, the script style. Are you making a story or a movie script? Not only it's lazy, it's basically not even a novel anymore. And here I thought you could make better stories if you are bashing and mocking other people's works. Usually, I'll point out things that need to be fixed in a review, but this work is not even reviewable anymore.
Too long... When you're on your smartphone and you're reading this, you'll get bored. Quickly. I advised cutting them more... this is still webnovel you know, you need to use the scrolling mechanic to your advantage. If you're still doubtful about what I said try reading your story with the "tapping" mode on display. You'll understand later on.
Ah, I see. That's some conspiracy you made there...
So what are you going to do with veldanava later on?
Will the rising shield hero enters the stage later on?
Disregarding the chaotic exchanges between characters, I do believe you're wasting the ability of a third-person viewpoint. You could have written some more narration. How does the character feel when they typed those words in the chat group? You never explained it as if everything is just a movie script that purposely cut off all narration since the director will just tell the actors directly about how their expression should be when they deliver such lines. You could've gone like: In the world of ninja, Kakashi frowned his eyes when he read such lines. He pondered the thoughts for a while before he finally touched the screen and, while being surprised a little by the strange device, goes along with the flow to send a message; [Copy Ninja: Is this a ninjutsu?] But no, you just had to make it seem like an actual chat log. Readers will find it hard to figure out what those characters are actually feeling by that point. But really, who am I to judge free stuff? I'm neither power pay you stones nor money to read the damn thing. So I won't complain, and instead, give you some pointers. And here's your first pointer: If this is a fanfiction, you would want to either brand it "fanfiction" instead of "Novel" or put a disclaimer saying One piece, Naruto, MCU is not yours. This is important, or else you're going to get into some trouble in the future. PS: You're free to delete this review. I know how important a good review is for an author. More importantly, you read my review and take it to your advantage.
Why would he be giving such information now?