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Tismen

Tismen

Lv4
2021-06-01 JoinedSpain
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  • Tismen
    Tismen11mth
    Commented

    Are you still looking for ideas for this story? I had some, and I've spent a long time thinking if I should tell you, but my plot ideas clashed with some elements you added like 'The Supreme Villain of Destiny' and such so I was very undecided. However the lack of updates and seeing you write new stories with similar premises made me the decision for me (Warning, this is going to be long): Despite me liking it, the main problem with this story (in y opinion, of course) is that you are obsessing with the premise 'The Heroines hear MC thoughts' to the point that almost everything is about their reaction to his any situation, his reactions to theirs (senseless) reactions, and their reactions to this... The story lacks a true plot, something to move forwards to. The nearest concept you had was the 'Start Over'. You alluded to his 'retries' and this being his 'holiday run', as such he was not taking anything very seriously until the 'Villain Halo' and his new 'immunity' to be send back any time the plot is 'broken'. What I would do is this: World plot: The planet is in danger because there are a lot of apocalyptic events about to happen (Trixeha, invasion of Alien Gods, the plot of the Persona games, the release of a zombie virus to decimate the population...). The spirit of the world choose a few key figures to stop this (certain Heroes) and resets the world (spending some of its accumulated energy) each time any fail. However several outside entities have decided to plunder the world of all its resources and energies by using avatars (that corrupt and usurp the 'Heroes') and forcing their own version of the plots, however the resets stop them and undo their plundering, so now they also are trying to delay the apocalyptic events until they have stole enough energy that the World no longer can do another reset. Story plot: In one of the resets one particular soul so damaged that it couldn't be restored and reseted (for example, in the final batle of Persona 3, the people who were transformed into Shadows could be used as an excuse). The Spirit of the world, detecting a chance, summoned an alternative version of the soul from another world who absorbed the remains, and infused it with power to protect it from corruption and the resets with the hope that he would become his champion. However the Outside Entities detected it and interfered. As they couldn't corrupt him, they lied and manipulated him to follow 'his plot as the villain'. The rewards he receives are, in truth, the Spirit attempt to empower him to save the world, while the Entities try to use him as another source to weaken the world and stop the resets. Now to the actual story: The Spirit of the World, as a last resource, is the one exposing the MC thoughts to the heroines to change things and cause chaos so the MC realizes is okay to try to change things. The Entities tried to stop it by declaring the 'Villain Halo' and the 'stop of the resets' and increased the 'rewards' as a means to exhaust the world faster. However the chaos will inevitably cause one of the apocalyptic events to happen sooner, with the world resetting once again. The MC will notice the discrepancy and that 'not following the plot' is not the cause for the resets, so will truly begin to look for answers. At the same time the heroines will keep hearing his thoughts, and perhaps the closest heroines to him manage to remember more and more. I hope this helps to inspire you somewhat, and that you continue writting. Thanks for all your work and effort.

    Ch 116 Lumine's diary
    altalt
    The Heroine Eavesdropped on My Voice Heart
    Anime & Comics · DogLickerGods
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  • Tismen
    Tismen1yr
    Commented

    If you want ideas, then this is mine: Usually this kind of stories goes like this: Villain stopping and stealing Protagonist chances and women for himself, weakening him until he kills him. And then boom: multiple protagonists and more women and repeating the cycle. It becomes boring because the old women and relationships are soon forgotten for the new ones. So, my suggestion: Make Riser acquire a hobby/goal outside the protagonist/system. He has reincarnated and is rich. He should try to create something that he considered fantasy/fiction in his previous world: - Like creating the Animus machine and integrating it with videogames to learn and live fantasy stories. - Colonize Mars by himself and his personal harem. - Become a famous writer/film maker using works from his previous world. - Found an investigation center with the goal of altering people race (creating things like Elfs, catgirls, angels...) Anything beyond the system and the plot. How the heroines react to his ideas would be very interesting.

    Ch 47 A beautiful morning and the system does not forget to meow about the next plot
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    My Inner Voice Heard By Heroines
    Anime & Comics · DogLickerGods
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  • Tismen
    Tismen1yr
    Commented

    Did you meant "invisible" or is it really an "invincible" random person?

    "Sigh, sometimes he is really like a child but, this is also a good side that add to his charm" said by an invincible figure that observing Lucas with a smile
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    Sorcerer King with Dimensional Group Chat [Re-write]
    Anime & Comics · Mr_Chocolate
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  • Tismen
    Tismen1yr
    Commented

    Skull point?

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    The Black Summoner
    Anime & Comics · InGlorious
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  • Tismen
    Tismen2yr
    Commented

    *Adrian

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    I'm the King Of Technology
    Fantasy · lumydee
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  • Tismen
    Tismen2yr
    Commented

    But did you get the shirt?

    'Been there, done that', he thought.
    altalt
    I'm the King Of Technology
    Fantasy · lumydee
    detail
  • Tismen
    Tismen2yr
    Commented

    Great Yarden Empire is a go!!!

    Alexis shrugged, "What about them?" she replied, seemingly unbothered, "Your flirting with them didn't bother me before, and you're intentions have been up front and blatant the entire time, why would it now? Frankly, I think you wanting to snatch them up as well will be good for me in the long term."
    altalt
    Stacking The Deck (Yugioh GX Insert)
    Anime & Comics · 0_Jordinio_0
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  • Tismen
    Tismen2yr
    Commented
    And suddenly her lips were on his and her tongue was forcing its way into his mouth.
    altalt
    Stacking The Deck (Yugioh GX Insert)
    Anime & Comics · 0_Jordinio_0
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  • Tismen
    Tismen2yr
    Commented

    Feel me up all you want.

    Alexis couldn't stop her lips from curving up into a huge beaming smile, "Sure, that sounds nice." she accepted his offer.
    altalt
    Stacking The Deck (Yugioh GX Insert)
    Anime & Comics · 0_Jordinio_0
    detail
  • Tismen
    Tismen2yr
    Commented
    Her heart thumped loudly in her chest though at his words. He had such a high opinion of her abilities. And it meant a lot to her that he thought so highly of her skills as a duellist.
    altalt
    Stacking The Deck (Yugioh GX Insert)
    Anime & Comics · 0_Jordinio_0
    detail
  • Tismen
    Tismen2yr
    Commented
    "It fits well with your deck and is a powerful card, but...I don't see why you show it off to me as if it's some big achievement." she pointed out, looking into his eyes.
    altalt
    Stacking The Deck (Yugioh GX Insert)
    Anime & Comics · 0_Jordinio_0
    detail
  • Tismen
    Tismen2yr
    Commented
    "That's not fair, you know?" she pointed out, yet despite her words she couldn't stop her lips from curving up, "Saying things like that, going to those kind of lengths for me, at this rate..."
    altalt
    Stacking The Deck (Yugioh GX Insert)
    Anime & Comics · 0_Jordinio_0
    detail
  • Tismen
    Tismen2yr
    Commented

    Believe it!

    "Right you are love," Yarden chuckled, "But the point of me bringing this crap up, is that I'm pretty sure those idiots had their hands in the Abandoned Dorm from what I've been able to dig up. So, once they turn up, I'll kick their asses for you and find where your brother is for you and bring him back even if I have to go kick the shit outta mister world of darkness himself." he promised looking her right in the eyes and smirking his usual utterly, absurdly confident shit eating smirk.
    altalt
    Stacking The Deck (Yugioh GX Insert)
    Anime & Comics · 0_Jordinio_0
    detail
  • Tismen
    Tismen2yr
    Commented

    She doesn't seem bothered at all by it.

    Her and her friends were apparently already the property of Yarden Odhar.
    altalt
    Stacking The Deck (Yugioh GX Insert)
    Anime & Comics · 0_Jordinio_0
    detail
  • Tismen
    Tismen2yr
    Commented
    "If I had a third arm I'd claim that booty in the name of the Great Yarden Empire while I'm at it," he replied without missing a beat and Alexis looking over her shoulder could see him grinning, "Well, you can just follow along. Attempting to flee will just result in me chasing you down. Escape is not possible."
    altalt
    Stacking The Deck (Yugioh GX Insert)
    Anime & Comics · 0_Jordinio_0
    detail
  • Tismen
    Tismen2yr
    Replied to Xamar

    He's just trying to "haggle" the system and buy cheaper. XD

    'Take out 120 BP points for the first request, 100 DP for the second request, 20 DP for the third request, and 130 DP for the final request.
    altalt
    I'm the King Of Technology
    Fantasy · lumydee
    detail
  • Tismen
    Tismen2yr
    Commented

    Rune implies that it's an artifact, which can be powered for something. Perfect implies that it gives a lot of information. Small implies that it gives information about a small area.

    [System reminder: Perfect Runic Map (Small)+1]
    altalt
    Digging to Survive: I Can See Hints
    Sci-fi · Sword Old Wolf
    detail
  • Tismen
    Tismen2yr
    Commented
    "Er... I just tripped over something. It won't happen again." Elias blamed the floor, which was perfectly made and almost impossible to trip over.
    altalt
    Rise of the White Dragon
    Fantasy · Lruska
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  • Tismen
    Tismen2yr
    Commented

    Why did the girl antagonize him from the very start?

    Ch 41 Finishing Up Part 3
    altalt
    With Knowledge Comes Power
    Anime & Comics · Master_Livythan
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  • Tismen
    Tismen2yr
    Commented

    If she has that much control, she could reform the earth itself into anything she wants.

    Ch 46 Chapter 46
    altalt
    End (08)
    Anime & Comics · Cerebro
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