Then just write Son of Atlas

Go on my latest review. I will continue there. Thank you my only friend

Hey there. I will upload my work from now on here. There were problems with contract so I have to start again. Wish me luck.

Bro i will switch Accounts. I will tell you the new one

Give me your power stones my one and only friend

Mommy Artemis

So first of all nice job choosing the topic. Readers live that and the fan base will be big. It’s a nice and interesting concept. You try to catch the reader and in some parts you succeeded. I just see Major problem. And that’s the length of everything. It’ s to short. You could give many things more emotions and descriptions. If you do that it will be even funnier reading ya book. Another problem that can be fixed fast is the language. Here and there sometimes the sentences does not make so much sense. But with just a bit of editing it will be better. Keep up your work author

It sounds a bit weird.

You could give it more feelings with like: He was covered in bandages. The pain got stronger……..

It’s a mixture of different perspectives. Focus on one.

Check the commars again in the chapter

Writing he is cold is easy. But descri bing it would make it more awesome. And so you can build in more emo tions

I would personally take my time and write it in 2 sentences atleast to give the baby birth and letting it grow metaphorically.

First of all the author can be proud to launch such a big project. It’s a very nice world and the characters are interesting. We all know that game genre and love it. The chapter length is good. For my taste a bit too much. I just had one big problem and that’s the formulation. It could be just not my taste. As marked in the comments I did not like some of the structures of the sentences. It sounded plastic and a bit of unrealistically. But I would recommend you to just edit it if more people agree. Basically I loved the name giving and the environment. The atmosphere is written well. Just a second problem I saw would be the mixture of different perspectives. As a reader I would say it is too much. And as author I would praise your unique st yle. Keep up your good work, with a bit of overlook you can make it more solid.

I Perspektive and He Perspective is mixed here. Which makes the senten ce a bit weird.

Came the mechanical sounds plastic and not so cool in written.

I would switch out personally Name with another synonym to show of the power better. Name sounds boring tbh

Don’t know if my English is not good enough. But commas missing I would say