XP_HAVOK
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XP_HAVOK9dCommentedpulse not plus
"We're going to use our shadow clones as bait and see if the anbu are really after us." He gestured to the item in their hands before continuing, " these ear clips I'm giving you are similar to mine. they have my stealth seal integrated into them and they can also detect any insects like the ones used by the Aburame clan and kill them with a plus of electricity."- XP_HAVOK9dCommented
*intention not intend
Nodding to each other, the group entered the room to find it filled with Genin from all the different villages. The tension in the air was palpable as most of them eyed each other with killing intend. - XP_HAVOK11dCommented
annoyance would probably be better then impatience
His parents, mere common factory workers, and his unremarkable brother, were also objects of her impatience. - XP_HAVOK19dPosted
great noveI and depth to the characters but don't forget to flush out other people like his family and teamates and such instead of only using them for plot points its ok to have some general life chapters to add world building it doesn't have to be all training ones to explain where your taking him also the scenes with him trying to convince people with an innocent facade is cringe it comes off like an adult trying to act like a little kid besides that I love the story
- XP_HAVOK28dCommented
I think he ment to say I've been waiting for this for so long cause otherwise that doesn't make sense
"Whoa there!" Eldrian said, catching the falling clipboard. Luckily, the delivery guy had prioritized the box over the papers. "Give me that paper for so long. I'll start reading it and if everything is in order, I'll sign it." - XP_HAVOK1mthCommented
can't tell if it's bad translation or bad writing lots of words out of place with Chinese ways of viewing things making people not want to read it.
At this time, Leng Heng, a thin child seated close by, heard Barton's words and contemptuously said, "They are a bunch of mutilated things, yet they still want the opportunity to be adopted." - XP_HAVOK1mthPosted
the story is a wonderful slice of life with how he goes about doing things the only things I don't like is the massive amount of subtle romance were your gonna end up with half the chapters being more romance stuff instead of furthering the story as that takes away from the main character alot as stories like these the focus ends up being the love interest and the plot line where you can't flesh out the pokemon, the world, how things work, ect. it just becomes about the love interest and secondly I remember in the beginning you were saying you wanted a much more balanced and realistic story yet the main character is someone with insane levels of luck and a lot of people are very naive and gullible like incredibly so same with the pokemon there is a few times you show the intelligence of one here one there but you almost never flush out the character and just keep adding more and more pokemon. also the strength scale is definitely wrong at this level by 300 chapters he's gonna have champion level pokemon who were mostly self trained.
- XP_HAVOK1mthCommented
hmm try pits instead of stones as that sounds like the berries have rocks in the center lol
Maybe he could graft the branch onto another healthy tree or, with some grass type energy bullshittery, have the branch grow some roots on its own. In any case, these berries came with stones inside that he could plant. - XP_HAVOK1mthCommented
towards not two
With the patriarch gone, Rapidash mused that the herd would probably break up and search two other Rapidash led herds here in the region. And, which was just a guess on Pete's part, these herds wouldn't really like raising a newborn male pokemon. That's animal behavior from his old world, though, and was more in line with feline pack mentality. Which means he could be totally wrong about any of that. - XP_HAVOK1mthCommented
snag not snack
"See, you're already invaluable. Who knows how long that would have taken, haha. Can't wait until I can snack some proper cooking tools once we reach civilization," Pete praised with a kind smile. - XP_HAVOK2mthCommented
What he didn't show is he man was truly amazed by Seth's art
The old man doesn't stay long and doesn't seem amazed by what Seth did, just gives him some pointers and leaves. That what he showed bit the man was truly amazed by Seth's art. To him, It was refreshing to see young talent. - XP_HAVOK2mthCommented
the angel not lightman
What was at the top was that the Lightman is a kind Alien that came looking for his brother. It is the theory they claimed that there is a lens outside earth and the government has kidnapped one of them. Some of them want to destroy the earth and others don't want destruction. - XP_HAVOK2mthCommented
son's not sun
As usual, his mother has called her friends to brag about her sun creation. - XP_HAVOK2mthCommented
researched not received
Seth stands watching his invention with a smile. He had received vigorously in the art of Clay House, Pottery, Architecture, Horticulture, and also different building artistic design. And he made a small variation of all of it. - XP_HAVOK2mthCommented
Jan? no idea what this is supposed to be lol
It was like he was speaking to a human. Unlike Seth, he wasn't shocked because he had made a Jan like AI before. - XP_HAVOK2mthCommented
while. and to manifest
<I'm not a gift from Marathon Bolt, I'm a gift from Asteroid Online. And based on it every Ranker was given a Device that suited them. I best suit Seth. Whole Anna needs Bronze Cabin toanofest her Mighty Shield> - XP_HAVOK2mthCommented
why did marathon bolt gift you to seth, also the end bit should be And gift Anna that bronze cabin and Sam a computer?
"What I'm saying was. Why will Marathon Bolt give you to Seth, he didn't rank that high, and also gave Anna Bronze cabin and Sam, that computer!?" - XP_HAVOK2mthCommented
silver not silva. and But gold not bit
Adam was shocked by the answer. Even Bronze was rare let alone Silva and the difference in function was enormous. Bit Gold we're already available?