Lilith_Zenon
Writing
of reading
1162
Read books
From me at least, sure~.
Ohh, dass meee~.
*Old Wizard voice* ONE YEAR CURSE!!! MANUAL BREATHING!
He should eventually upgrade the ticket upgrade system to get better rates all around~.
And here we see the MC trying his best not to wheeze.
Iz gud storeh~. (It's a good story~.)
And you need a body for it~.
This part I disagree with. It was not the best way to have her die. Because it was a third party, a party which had already gone an extra mile and helped her I add, it felt forced and and "So mote it be!" kinda deal. The Angel's have zero reason for wanting her to awaken her powers, they are not invested into her. Instead, you should have went through your system in some way. It would have demanded more of you time, but I honestly, truly believe it would have fit your story much better.
Because it was forced haha. You quite literally "Deus Ex Machinai" an event to get her to evolve. But rather, it was an "Angel" instead of "God." But the point stands. Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying your story, but you could have done that little bit so, SO much better. And it's slightly annoying, because I KNOW you can! You have the skills as a writer! It's not meant to disparage you, at least I don't want to, it's meant to just give you some constructive criticism.
That means a lot of people are having an absolutely horrid day~.
Prolly why the system is giving him a freebee and increasing his control~.