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StoryfortheAges

StoryfortheAges

Lv2

Describe yourself

2020-06-20 JoinedGlobal
-d

Writing

15.4h

of reading

16

Read books

Badges

5

Moments

10
  • StoryfortheAges
    StoryfortheAges3yr
    Posted

    Premise seems to be done in a nicely-planned manner. Zila and Kay are really interesting leads, and the dynamic between them leaves a lot of potential. Have read the earlier chapters, and surely some of the easier formatting could be improved, but overall, a really nice and fun read!!

    altalt
    His Accountant Princess
    Urban · ZOA
    detail
  • StoryfortheAges
    StoryfortheAges3yr
    Commented

    Cool first chapter. Zila seems like a very promising MC, and that first part of the chap really did build up questions to remember for the future.. A suggestion though, for any parts with texting, I think it's better for the format to be --> 《Character Name》: ~Insert Text~ I don't know, just seems neater. Anyways, looking forward to read more!

    Ch 1 The marriage
    altalt
    His Accountant Princess
    Urban · ZOA
    detail
  • StoryfortheAges
    StoryfortheAges3yr
    Posted

    Great premise, certainly a first for me in this platform! Wonderfully done to make you feel for the MC, not too much and not too little. Character's are mostly fine, although the whole conflict between the MC and the royalties really did sell me on the whole thing. Great descriptions and certainly a nice flow of writing, a style which I can day I like. Now onto things that could be improved: 1) Usage of long paragraphs really need some re-editing. Don't overuse them, make it so that when they do come, they come with am impact. Having more than one every now and then makes it hard to follow. 2) You make the narrator as being its own character... Now this, is a bold move. Not to say it's necessarily a bad thing, but it certainly come off as jarring at first. Maybe that's one thing you can tinker about. But anyways, that's mostly what I got from these first five chapters. Solid start, now it's all up to you to follow up. Just do your thing, and keep on striving for greatness.

    altalt
    Reborn As A Villain
    Fantasy · WeiMoZhiEr
    detail
  • StoryfortheAges
    StoryfortheAges3yr
    Commented

    Just caught up with the whole thing, and ooh boy, I'm sold on this book! Really interesting conflict you've got going on, and I love the Reaper too as a character! Anyways, looking forward for more chapters to come..

    Ch 5 [F̶i̶v̶e̶]
    altalt
    Reborn As A Villain
    Fantasy · WeiMoZhiEr
    detail
  • StoryfortheAges
    StoryfortheAges3yr
    Commented

    I think applying more full-stops here would be nice. Give the readers time to breathe and take in what's going on... And more importantly, paints a clearer picture.

    He was quick, like a flash, almost making the elves' keen eyes unable to keep up with his speed. Lucian saw how he disappeared into the shadows and frowned, wondering if that was how the Reaper got away with all the murders he committed. However his train of thoughts was soon cut short when his hands instinctively raised his sword to block the centipede's mouth from devouring him when it came charging at him head on, pushing his feet against the ground back by a few metres and would have been more if the Skound has not leapt in and crashed into the side of the centipede's head. A swirl of black mist formed above the Centipede and a pair of red was seen glinting like shining rubies as Claude appeared once more. His pair of eyes became a trail of light, almost like a shooting star as he dived down and stabbed his sword right at the top of the creature's head, earning another deafening screech of pain. The monster thrashed and threw its head up, throwing the Reaper off but Claude only backflipped into the air.
    altalt
    Reborn As A Villain
    Fantasy · WeiMoZhiEr
    detail
  • StoryfortheAges
    StoryfortheAges3yr
    Commented

    This paragraph's kinda lost to me :/

    Or in more proper words.
    altalt
    Reborn As A Villain
    Fantasy · WeiMoZhiEr
    detail
  • StoryfortheAges
    StoryfortheAges3yr
    Commented

    The concept's really growing on me! Although one thing I do notice is that you indeed like to make long sentences... It isn't a bad thing, but when it's unnecessary, it's best to break things down into separate ideas. But, if that's your style or was intended, then... Who am I to change that? Overall though, I'm intrigued

    Ch 3 [T̶h̶r̶e̶e̶]
    altalt
    Reborn As A Villain
    Fantasy · WeiMoZhiEr
    detail
  • StoryfortheAges
    StoryfortheAges3yr
    Commented

    Hahah, Guquan sounds like such a dear! Hoping nothing bad happens..

    Ch 2 [T̶w̶o̶]
    altalt
    Reborn As A Villain
    Fantasy · WeiMoZhiEr
    detail
  • StoryfortheAges
    StoryfortheAges3yr
    Commented

    Very short, although pretty well-written, first chapter. Surely could use some retouching with the grammar and wording, but the way u get straight to the meat of the story with the whole Reaper shennanigans is appreciated!

    Ch 1 [O̶n̶e̶]
    altalt
    Reborn As A Villain
    Fantasy · WeiMoZhiEr
    detail
  • StoryfortheAges
    StoryfortheAges3yr
    Posted

    A really riveting read! Has an interesting world built around the story, and the writing's top-notch as well! Has a cool idea behind it, so I can't wait to read more!

    altalt
    The Rosewood Prophecy
    Fantasy · SkyEmpress
    detail