MLakuru
of reading
2079
Read books
The only thing I want to say is that dont make the harem to big. Harems are already trash but your story is decent enough for me to ignore it. In my opinion harems ruin every story because its is so forced and unneeded just to satisfy the authors fantasy. Just dont have a pokemon collector where the mc collcts every girl to walk the earth.
Why do you give her such big disadvantages? Despite having a system and being the main character she has no advantage over any of the other characters. She litterally cant even cultivate to a high lvl because her talent is so trash. How is she going to be strong? This is the make it or break it part of the story that will determine if I stick with the novel.Nothing is more annoying then seeing a weak mc with no chance of getting stronger constantly getting f**ked by the story with no wins. Im not some sadist who loves seeing the mc in a constant losing situation. Author you need to balance the carrot and the stick not just the stick. She needs to have a power up that can at the very least keep up with those arround her.
Am I the only one feeling annoyed with Sif? Sonething about her character is just really annoying every since she joins Layla. It doesnt help that she is just a muscle brained jealous girlfriend as well. I love everything else about the story so far and despite how stupid Layla can be I don't really feel any annoyance there.
Still no reason to tell anyone anything. Secrets like those are best kept till your death and she can juat go on living as before. Like there is not reason to tell anyone your secrets no matter the situation.
I cant bring my self to feel sorry for the mc. You did a poor job explaining the issues she is going through and i feel that they are not really issues at all. Whatever problems she is going through are not problems at all and you wrote it really poorly so I cant really feel sorry for her at all.
Just write in their pov? Doesnt have to focus on her every chapter. I dont know if I missed anything but she has no reason to leave her house and they didn't give her any good one. Very forced plot just for the sake of getting mc to do something.
She is so clueless it it hurts to even read. She has no memory, skill, or experience or the Demon Queen despite taking over her body or whatever and frankly she is weak as hell. This is honestly very annoying to read. If your going to give her a backround like that then give her the power that comes with it so she can protect herself. Then you have her joining the enemy sect to go undercover or some bullsh*t. Why is she even doing that? This story has the potential to be pretty decent but in my opinion its just mid because of said reasons above. I dont know how the story is going to end up in the future but I know for sure that the execution and start of the story was done very badly in my opinion and any you can do later ruined it for me so I will drop.If your going to give her the backround she has then I expected the story to be more about the war with the "good guys" with her slowly learning more about herself and her people as she also learns more about her power. What ever the hell is currently going on in the story ruined such a good story template. Im sure your going do something with the demons but like I said poor execution. You should have focused more on the demon side of the story first and let our mc come into her power and identity first before hastily trying some undercover bs like an idiot when she hardly knows where the ground is under her two feet.This is purely my opinion of the story as of of with the little chapters it has.
Ok this seems very interesting so far and im willing to give this a shot. Author for all that is good in the world dont make this a harem and if you dont know how to write romance dont add any at all. People seem to think you need romance or harem in every story for it to be good my god.
This story has the potential to be really good but sadly it needs a lot of work. The characters feel fake as hell or maybe its just because its written badly that I didnt get to understand them better. Needs a major edit because this is really frusterating to read. Grammar is bad and the characters are written poorly as well. Those are my only cons for this novel and I'm too lazy to go into more detail for this review.
Another system fanfiction? My honest thoughts are systems are just lazy writing and a sign of a amateur author that needs it as a crutch because they dont have the skill to write the plot and make the story flow. This is by no means meant to be hating on the author I just hate systems in stories because like I said, they are lazy writing and for the most part just used to force the plot and characters into decisions that the author doesnt know how to write himself.
Really? I find it far easier to imagine something that that outrageous then imagining yourself as some hero in a story. Its fantasy do its supposed to be unrealistic in the first place. Are you supposed to imagine some modern day basoc dude as the mc in a Fantasy world? Its super cringe if you want to escape your harsh reality by self inserting yourself into these stories. Authors should really just create a character with their own looks and personality like every decently written story.
How can I be immersed in a story of I imagine myself killing dragons and usong magic or what not? I never unserstood the concept of self-insert and frankly hate the idea of it. Just thought of imagining yourself as some hero in a story doing god knows what is cringe as heck. We are not kids anymore and I prefer to read a story with an actual character instead of some 'think of your own mc' type of bs.