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Will5010

Will5010

Lv14

GgggfffghCtjhssdfgh

2017-12-31 JoinedUnited Kingdom
1.3kh

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35
  • Will5010
    Will50101yr
    Posted

    way too expensive to read who can afford £80 to read a book?

    altalt
    Mortal Cultivation
    Fantasy · Sacred_Spirit
    detail
  • Will5010
    Will50101yr
    Commented

    I love the stroy line but the story could definitely benefit from some editing. for example "yes we want chef" would read better as "yes we want to" strictly speaking this would still be not how a native speaker would say this however you may want to maintain it as a stylistic choice. overall great work but I'd love to see some minor tweaks to improve readability!

    Ch 35 Results and Hiring
    altalt
    I am the Entertainment Tycoon
    Urban · StarryForestJaguar
    detail
  • Will5010
    Will50101yr
    Replied to Kontas

    lol, if that's what you care about you are not really reading the story.

    Ch 35 Results and Hiring
    altalt
    I am the Entertainment Tycoon
    Urban · StarryForestJaguar
    detail
  • Will5010
    Will50102yr
    Posted

    good try but the writing quality is poor. also the story development seems to deteriorate around 20's we jump from a trial to all out war. very confusing. with an editor and a little bit of rework this could be a great book!

    altalt
    Rebirth: Over the Horizon
    Games · Stylish_Demon
    detail
  • Will5010
    Will50102yr
    Commented

    so confused??? how was this the 4th trial this chapter just came out of no! I'm so lost

    Ch 27 [A] Rank Invasion: Trial(4)
    altalt
    Rebirth: Over the Horizon
    Games · Stylish_Demon
    detail
  • Will5010
    Will50102yr
    Commented

    thanks for the chapter

    Ch 324 Swollen Face
    altalt
    Madam’s Identities Shocks the Entire City Again
    Urban · Brother Ling
    detail
  • Will5010
    Will50102yr
    Commented

    great work, the quality is good, there was a little dip in intrest when he first crashed but this is developing into an interesting side ark! looking forward to finding out how he will combat the malevolent power, cultivation maybe? on a side note, I think the date on the announcement is wrong😂

    Ch 149 Summon By The Prince! Danger?
    altalt
    Galactic Technological Library (Reupload)
    Sci-fi · sakakoi
    detail
  • Will5010
    Will50102yr
    Commented

    good chapter, it was interesting.

    Ch 147 New Master!
    altalt
    Galactic Technological Library (Reupload)
    Sci-fi · sakakoi
    detail
  • Will5010
    Will50102yr
    Posted

    This book seems to have the foundations of a great book but is let down by poor writing. if you want to see what I mean I've left comments in the first chapter. another thing is the way speech is handled, having the name after every speech is disjointing. try to build the speech into the sentences. the name after style could then be used for greater effect in confusing fight scenes or when lots of aside characters are talking. Also in general work on the way you express ideas. eg aghh its my alarm is both a unnatural thing to say and disjointing. instead he jolted awake, realizing the dragon roars were in fact his alarm clock. This only an example, there's many ways to do it but this book has a lot of potential if you go back and rewrite it.

    altalt
    Seed Of The Stars
    Action · Alanala
    detail
  • Will5010
    Will50102yr
    Commented

    begets means from. Therefore "This seed begets infinate potential.........

    『From this seed begets infinite potential. Use it to reach what you truly desire.』[Creator]
    altalt
    Seed Of The Stars
    Action · Alanala
    detail
  • Will5010
    Will50102yr
    Commented

    another gave them manna, a magical energy with intimate applications. manna is repeated twice and use of and is tiresome

    Another gave them mana, and with mana, the infinite applications of it.
    altalt
    Seed Of The Stars
    Action · Alanala
    detail
  • Will5010
    Will50102yr
    Commented

    change above to monsters, great beasts and humans..... However the humans were meager and feeble, so the gods took putty on them..... three ands in one sentence it too much. try to reduce your use of and in your writing.

    And on mankind, the gods had pity upon, for having nothing but their intelligence to fight off these beasts and demons.
    altalt
    Seed Of The Stars
    Action · Alanala
    detail
  • Will5010
    Will50102yr
    Replied to Will5010

    also the gods should be added to the above paragraph as life, the universe and the gods all come from the tree

    There once existed a great Creator who breathed life into an empty void. The first thing they created was a great tree, and from that tree sprung life and the universe.
    altalt
    Seed Of The Stars
    Action · Alanala
    detail
  • Will5010
    Will50102yr
    Commented

    "from which" repeated use of and

    There once existed a great Creator who breathed life into an empty void. The first thing they created was a great tree, and from that tree sprung life and the universe.
    altalt
    Seed Of The Stars
    Action · Alanala
    detail
  • Will5010
    Will50102yr
    Replied to sakakoi

    this is still the only chapt available even though you've posted 3 more.......

    Ch 143 Surrounded!
    altalt
    Galactic Technological Library (Reupload)
    Sci-fi · sakakoi
    detail
  • Will5010
    Will50102yr
    Commented

    this is what I expected at some point. prepair for no chapters for the next few months. if so I'm removing the book from my library. one premium chapter is enough.

    Ch 143 Surrounded!
    altalt
    Galactic Technological Library (Reupload)
    Sci-fi · sakakoi
    detail
  • Will5010
    Will50102yr
    Commented

    i have a perpairing stockpile notice.....

    Ch 143 Surrounded!
    altalt
    Galactic Technological Library (Reupload)
    Sci-fi · sakakoi
    detail
  • Will5010
    Will50102yr
    Commented

    so this novel has gon premium. the normal practice is that you have to build up 30 of premium chapters. if you do this at your releace rate there won't be any chapters for several months. if this happens I'm removing the book from my library.

    Ch 134 Fallen Kings!
    altalt
    Galactic Technological Library (Reupload)
    Sci-fi · sakakoi
    detail
  • Will5010
    Will50102yr
    Commented

    thanks for the chapter!!!

    Ch 130 Kill Them All!
    altalt
    Galactic Technological Library (Reupload)
    Sci-fi · sakakoi
    detail
  • Will5010
    Will50102yr
    Commented

    loved the chapter!!!!!!!!

    Ch 129 A Puppet?
    altalt
    Galactic Technological Library (Reupload)
    Sci-fi · sakakoi
    detail