Review Detail of Will5010 in Seed Of The Stars

This book seems to have the foundations of a great book but is let down by poor writing. if you want to see what I mean I've left comments in the first chapter. another thing is the way speech is handled, having the name after every speech is disjointing. try to build the speech into the sentences. the name after style could then be used for greater effect in confusing fight scenes or when lots of aside characters are talking. Also in general work on the way you express ideas. eg aghh its my alarm is both a unnatural thing to say and disjointing. instead he jolted awake, realizing the dragon roars were in fact his alarm clock. This only an example, there's many ways to do it but this book has a lot of potential if you go back and rewrite it.