Aschirg

how can you ripoff Astral Pet Store and have now Idea how things will develope....

thx I also hade novels that foreshadow or have traveling back in time to do doovers

I mean wow. Character is an idiot and incompetend. Attributes make no sense. Writting quality is eh, not the worst but also miled from good. Writing style is jumpy and nonsensical. The rough idea of it is decent, but the execution is very lacking.

Every once in a blue moon a book like this appeares, that is somewhat unique, interesting, well written and with good grammar. What else is there to say, cant wait for there to be more chapters.

fair enough, but this is just a quickly written comment and not the title of a story with over 100 chapters

Story seems interesting enough. Maybe get someone to read over your writing? You have a fair number of typos, those are not too bad though. Your use of tenses if very good and consistent. Your use of punctuation is sometimes off and most of those times you overuse them. Sometimes your sentences are missing a verb, to which multiple words are building up to, only to be left. (hanging) Every now and again you are missing or switching up filler words like a/an or the. I might be a bit naggy about all of this and writing a story clearly is not an easy endeavour. The reason why I was a bit mad about this is because it was a nice story that I could not delve into, because the grammar errors kept pulling me out of the immersion. I am refering with that critic only to the earlier chapters, you might have improved already upon all of this. If so, maybe revisit atleast the first five chapters, so that you can draw in more new readers. Best whishes and have a nice day.

Maybe "Black Onyx: Forgotten Magic" would be a better title? I am unsure what should scare me more, a type in the title, or no one pointing it out in the comments? Just wanted to write that befor I start reading and gave it 2.6 stars, which I will adjust later. Sure hope "Forgoten" isn`t a name, otherwise I would look rather stupid.

this isnt the book you are looking for sfakbasfmhjbdsafkhvaskhfvaskhfvakshf+ #fkasbfkasjfkhsafbkhasf kasjbfksabfksavfbkasvf salfbkasbfkasbfakshfvksa

Writing quality is bad, very simple sentences with a good amount of mistakes. I am unable to even care about the story as every sentence is hurting my brain while trying to correct it.

This is not a positiv review of your story, I don't intend to be mean even though it might be a bit harsh. Your grammar is ok, definetly good bit above average above most novels. Your sentences are more on the simpler side though, which is totatly fine if you are not that adapt yet, in that case just keep doing it like that. Your Character Design is one of your two huge flaws. It feels like they are following a simple script, where they simply accept whatever is happening to them as tools for telling a story. There is no really personality to them, just empty figures that move on overly simple concepts. It would be great to see more of their inner thoughts, struggles and differing views on matters. The way they are now is very shallow and it is impossible for me to identify with any of them. The second huge flaw is the story development, it doesn't seem to have a natural flow. It seems hurried and rushed, things just happen so that there is progression and then onto the next thing. Far to many things get simply accepted and not questioned or explained, which for me as a reader disconnect me from the story. I have only read till chapter 4 and then abandoned the story, so I am not sure if you already improved on what I mentioned. But the way the beginning is written I simply can't enjoy it. Wreck being "special" which seems very important and him just going with it in a intellectually retarded way. The way his power is chosen and he acccepted what happened to him, super rushed and not enough feelings, struggle or bafflement in it, just going along with everything like a mindless drone. The red lion monster that is supposed to be an impressive monster and gets the actions of a scared kitten. The scream of the hearo that makes the "monster" flee and after it fled, just meh whatever I am just special........ Just simply without any thoughts, yeah lets make a village, you build a house, oh magic exists, lets hunt..... Just one event following another with a stupid happy go lucky mindset. And suddenly another event comes along and the previous one which hasn't really ended is just over, rinse and repeat. Ignore me if you want, just my honest opinion.