Alice rose has now found her soul and is the most powerful BAV with a scar and the gang on the brink of war. Between the BAV'S and the vamps & wolves. It's up to Alice and Ian and the gang to stop the soulless  BAV'S from killing everyone with love and war.  can Alice protect her  lover and kill these soulless being going into her murderous ways to save all  humans from their claws with blood being shed and spilled? can Alice and Ian and the gang save everyone from ren and his army of soulless BAV'S or is there a even darker reason for the war ?and who is controlling ren and is Alice really the key to solve  all of this?

A poem about a nightmare that only brings dark thoughts.

Poem 1

watching as the night draws near
just know I am here. I have not left your side.
So much time has gone by.Your fate is intertwined
with mine and the darkness will soon
be close behind.
Love shines through the darkest of times.
Know that I am always inside your mind.
Know how much time has gone by.
Remember that your never alone.
Remember you always have a home.
Be here frozen in time. Forever be mine.
The souls will be a lined. Remember your soul is
mine. Though my time is done.
Remember the hope is still there.
Remember I am everywhere.
the pain will pass. But the love
will last. Never forget the person you once knew.
Forever be in your heart that will never be gone.
The soul of love will never be undone.
poem 2

As the snow falls on me.
The more my heart grows empty
No one left to help me.
As I hold myself tight to keep warm.
As the cold is getting to me.
Will anyone come save me.
From this loneliness with in my heart.
Or be left here to die in the dark.
Will I forever be alone.
Once my heart has turn cold.
Forever to be alone.
When the heart stopped beating.
Finally be free from this cold world. 

Never to be seen.

poem 3


as blood drips from my hands.
Cause no one understands.
The pain that I am going through.
God I am lost with out you.
With no time to wast.
I know I am just a wast of space.
calling for death to come.
God it wont belong.
Until my life is gone.
This body is getting colder.
As my life has grown older.
As much time that has past.
I will not be able to last.
My heart is slowly dying.
I got tried of your lying.
My vision goes dark.
there not much longer
My breathing is shallow.
So this is no tomorrow
Here comes good bye.
Just know its my time.
poem 4


The stairs shine bright in the sky
as my heart slowly dies.
I lost myself and drown in my sorrows
watching as time goes by.
I know I will be soon saying good bye
the time we had i will Charis forever
hopping things will get better.
fading away with my broken heart
I know that is just the start.
Of the pain going though my vain
as my soul is being eaten away.
with no hope for being alive
I may as well die. Cause there is 
no more time. Lost everything
in my soul. There is no place to call home
Wandering the darkness with more sorrow.
God let me go tomorrow. 

poem 5
telling thing that are true.
Even though they hurt you.
As I lay here crying tonight 
I know nothing will be alright.
Cry my soul out knowing I'm to blame.
Soon I will be fading away.
Nothing left to save my soul.
Knowing that I got nothing to hold.
Here the pain is real.
wish I  never had to feel.
Be empty inside hoping I will die.
Nothing left to say in my heart
now my hole world has gone dark.
finally free form the pain of my sorrows.
Not going to be here tomorrow.
Now I am gone at last.
as my body is laying in the grass.
Wont be a burden to you any more.
Now my world had been torn.
As I was from the sky.
You forgetting that i have died.
As My soul was left behind.
poem 6


I hide it all be hind a mask.
Has my soul turn in to glass?
Hide the pain and sorrows of my past.
Giving Just a fake smile.
Though the tears will fallow.
At night when your a lone.
Why your soul has turn cold
Knowing I cant trust anyone.
Doubting My own sanity.
Looking my mind day by day.
Everything is just fading away.
Falling deeper in to the shadow
of the night. That when the nightmare
has there hold on you. 
Waking up screaming in pain.
Knowing that help will never come.
Along with nothing to lose.
My do i refuse?
Take the fall of nothingness
Just ending the soul 
Just when there is no more hope.

poem 7


I lay here crying my heart out.
Knowing that no one cares.That I am here.
But my scream echo through the house.
Everyone just sits on the couch not 
moving.Like emotionless dolls.
With out care in the world.
Just suffering alone.With nothing
else to lose.Cut after cut the blade
goes a cross my arm.
Watching the blood drip on to the floor.
Crying trying to relieve the pain in my soul.
Wishing there was still Hope.
Day after day I bleed and hurt more.
Year after year my screams for help 
Died down along with my soul,
I have nothing else to hold,
Let my body be drowned in pain.
I knowing every thing will never change.
Wishing the day someone stop me.
Someone to show me that there is
still hope for a life.But there is no one
Left to care. To show the love,Kindness.
They have them self's to blame for what.
They did to me as i lay here dying. 


poem 8


Falling deeper to where you can't
See anything but darkness. Shadows
move around you saying things you
can't understand what they say.
Falling forever to nowhere.
Falling in the lost hope you have.
Drowning in your own tears of 
sorrow. The heart that is dying will
never beat again.
You lost all senses of what has happen.
You see a blade on your stand that shines
in the moonlight.Picking it up and putting
it to your skin.
Slowly cutting the flesh and blood soon fallows.
As it drips on to the floor.You feel the pain that
comes with each cut.
You had lost your heart to darkness and
soon to be losing your life to the blade you
hold in your hand.

poem 9

You see broken shards
On the floor of whats left
of your soul.
It has fallen to peaces.
Crushed by the ones you
loved and cared about
Pushing you aside not
caring on what happens 
to you not caring if you lived
or died by your own hand.
No one there to help you.
No one there to save you.
No one to protect you.
No one there to love you.
They Left you in the darkness.
All a lone with only your thoughts
to keep you company.
No words are said.
As your heart fills with dread.
No hope to come in it again.
Bit by bit it slowly chips away.
Bit by bit it will go away.
Everyone says pain will pass
in do time.
But it was all a lie.
You wish was never born.
You wished that you had died.
the darkness takes hole of every
ones mind.You put it in a shell to
protect whats left of your poor soul.
Deep down you wish things get better.
But they never do.
They just get worsen and darker.
poem 10


I tired of being sad 
Tired of being broken inside
What is there left for me
The dark shadows of despair
pull me in more and more.
I feel I am losing my self each day
Death waits before me as i hold this
knife in my hand trying to choice
To end it all and be free from this 
Pain that draws me to suffer and 
Be more dark then my soul already is.
No one there to save me no one to stop
Me from taking this Knife in to my soul.
I wanted someone to save me.
Someone to stop me.
But no one cares.
No one wants a broken soul 
Like mine to be around.
No one cares . No one will cry
Over the grave of someone that
The world forgot.Nothing left to say.
Nothing to do anymore.
So I took the knife and behold. 
The Knife goes though my soul like
It was nothing now I lay here bleeding.
with my finale words I cry out in pain.
I am finally free from This land of hate.

poem 11


Night falls but the storm in my soul
rages on. I had no control i have no fate.
nothing left to grab a hold on to, What's left 
of this life It must end to night.

The darkness that has turn in to hate
I have done in that past.
No where to go no where to hide.
My sorrow will never leave.
I will never be the same .
I see nothing but darkness
and hate. Nothing will save this day

No one to care.
Fate has ways of changing things.
But not for one who has falling to fair 

that is beyond saving.
The shadows are around me.
No one coming, no one cared.
Will there every be light to my darkness.

poem 12


how darkness surrounds one mind
they try to hurt you fill you with doubt 
you put your self in a bubble so they cant hurt you.
Shadow hands try to break that bubble
you try so hard to hid what you
know might be true.
That your not strong enough
in this world its be strong or
die with regret of not doing more
The place this world....
nothing can save a soul 
no matter how much you try
it just cant be saved.
They are just to far gone
there souls have shattered
There no more Determination left.
It drained from them as there soul loses
its glow. It has stopped the fight with in.
The will to stay alive is gone now.
The hope of wanting more in life.
Will never come true.
That is way things are in humans.
there souls are so fragile yet.
They keep on living.
Whats is left of a beast like you.
One that lived for more then others.
Now turned against humanity.
The shadows draw near and closer.
Wanting you to just suffer. 
With a endless night.
poem 13


What Makes us human.
We all make mistakes but others just don't 
see it.We all break rules cause there are 
just fools. No one talks things out
Why with out about. We are not gods
we are not perfect. Though other's 
believe they are better then other.
When its all lies that no one is better
then anyone.There are others that
suffer and are in great pain.
But we all ignore them and go on with out day
Other don't have lives.Cause they cant deny.
Of ones voice of ones words.No one ask nicely.
To though they have hurt.Do they care.
Do they thing that other do though things out
of shear amusement.
Us humans all make mistakes and learn.
others don't cause they chose to be jerks.
The truth of all humans of all of us is.
No one truly cares about others 
No one learns from there mistakes
No one ask kindly or talk about what
they have done wrong.
They don't have hearts.
cause they have all gone.
Everyone are forced to do
what others say when.
They can see how hurtful 
They cause every day.
There no peaces in this world
No one have hearts to show there
is still hope that they do care.

poem 14

I lost my soul 
I lost the will to fight.
I lost wanting to live.
I hear nothing but lies.
no matter how much time.
Has gone by.
My blood has frozen in time.
I am a soulless corps.With
no life and happiness.
I can keep portending that I'm
happy. I can't keep up the will
to hid the tears.
Is this what is means to be broken.
is this the fate I suffer.No one truly cares.
No one wants to let me go on with my life.
All that is life is a empty soul.
That had died long ago.
No where left to hid.
As the scares never die.
I keep wanting to die.
I keep wanting to hid.
I keep seeing my life ending.
Will anyone berry me ones i have
finally take my own life.
Or suffer for the rest of my renaming years. 
Just to die and be forgotten.



poem 15

Time after time
all I do is cry and
be broken inside. 

Day after Day
I lose my way
is anyone really there.
nothing is going to be okay
nothing going to be there to stop the tears.
not able to find the answer to what I'm looking for.

Letting my self go in to the dark hole of my soul.
Have nothing left to live for nothing to look 
foreword to.

Should I just fade away letting the wind carry me
through the night as the dust of who I am be destroyed by
the pain of being hurt by others.
I am nothing but a monster.
A freak that does not belong in this world
Should I just end it all and just be forgotten?

poem 16 

I'm not okay its will never be alright
I sit here crying when others think I 
am Dummy leaving my heart in peaces.
I am tired of being put down and
Mentally hurt by others who don't give
a shit about me.

Wishing I just die and be a memory of  others
who have hurt me and cause me so much pain.
I am tired of living I'm tired of trying of them 

Being happy like nothing has fucken happen
let me drown in my tears of sorrow and pain.
Let me die  and be forgotten by the ones have 
done this to me.
A flower falls and dies on the grave stone of mine.
As i watch this world as a spirit that would be free from
this pain.I dont want to feel any more.I dont want
to have to wear the mask of happiness that is not real.
Let the angel of death take my life and take me somewhere
I can be happy and not have others treat me like I am nothing but 
a dum and will help me when i need it. Just end me and let me be free.



poem 17

i am dying inside my heart
bleeds of shame and despair
crying my heart out hurting
myself being more broken
then the heart is drowning
in my broken dreams
never to smile
never to laugh
never be happy
forever to be in despair
feeling the darkness around
me hurting braking down
losing my self in never
ending pain wanting
to die and leave this
life never to be heard
never to be seen
always hid the pain
put on a show to
inter tamed thoughts
around you as your heart
bleeds and bleeds till there is nothing left


poem 18

tired of being the way i am
i try so hard to change
but i get put down for things
I did in past being crushed
by the ones i love and 
hurt by them.
my heart breaks cause 
of them not trusting me
hurt by the past i had 
crush by the pain of
being locked up in
this please i call home
in a prison of being controlled
dying slowly in pain of  what i 
diverse from everything i have done
wanting to just fade away in to nothing
and have things forgotten and die down
i can never be free never do things
I wish i could do have nothing more then
dream that will never come true. Crying
out the sorrows that i hold in me.
They know they need to let me go but
they dont let me be the one who wants 
to be free. I am the dark sheep that does 
not belong in this world
a world that i will not be able to take anymore
a world that will beat me down until i die and be
forgotten with nothing to my name
nothing to keep me going anymore
nothing to make me feel i have 
more to do. When all i see is darkness
and broken shards of me. I take 
the shard of what used to be 
the person i once was
now just bleeding out 
with fresh broken pieces of 
that i was and be crush under
the weight of family and 
life. What life do i have?
the life of being in a bird cage
for the remands of my life
now i shatter of the dark of night.



poem 19

slowly give up who you hare
slowly give up its not that hard
give up on the heart
give up on the words
give up on this life
give up on the fight
give up on the tears
be empty inside
no one will care 
you have said goodbye
give up knowing no one cares
give up cause no one wants
you their.
give up on dreams that will never come true
give up on the soul that beats in you.
give up on everything you try to do
They have turned on you

song 1

You left me in the dark
left me here to rot 
you was never there for me
you destroyed everything
I love and cared 
you  had broken 
the trust I had in you
you left me in the dark
left me here to rot
in the shadows I begin to start
the  fight for the life you took from me
I will be the one to win the light
you will be the one that fades away
in to the dark
I will not take no more
No more
you left me in the dark
left me here to rot 
left me here to brake away
Never again will it be this way
i will find my own way
to brake free from your shadow
I will brake free from the dark



song 2

hurting drowning in the pain
broken shattered empty inside
crying, erasing everything i am
i am no longer wanted here
no one really cares
crying my eyes out with despair
no one to want you around
you better off not being there
better off dead
drowning in shadows in the world
of madness  my heart is
shattering beyond repair
 
I will just die along with my soul
that has been crush in this world
no one care no one see the pain
that is there Being ignored
being excluded from everything
hurting drowning in the pain
broken shattered empty inside
crying, erasing everything i am


song 3

fighting, crying, bleeding, dying
was it worth the fighting
cheating, stealing, screaming
Things are here to be fearing
hiding, falling, lying
dreams are fading away
we just keep on this 
torture's looping path
of despair
you look in the mirror
to see the face of terror 
that has haunt you
broke you, chased you
trying to hurt you
you try to escape
the flow of time but 
it wont help the
soul that is left behind 

fighting, crying, bleeding, dying
was it worth the fighting
burning the anything in your way
crushing the one who hurt you
broken you to shards or glass 
fighting on to where you can see
the light of day to be free
from this loop of pain


song 4


There was a time
where we all was free
from the heartache and the pain
the tear that had follow 
are still the same
they left you to be forgotten
they broke you beyond repair 
nothing left to lose
nothing left to do
but cry your pain
away so you thought
but its never true
the pain will never go
it will always remain 
to remind you
you are the one to hate
the time where we was happy
have all gone
now all that is there
Is hell to pay
you lost the heart to remain
in this world of hate
no longer smiling 
no reason to go 
with the past
but what else can you do
with no one to be there for you

There was a time
where we all was free
from the heartache and the pain
the tear that had follow 
with no more dreams 
to dream only to have
nightmare that 
will never flee
they haunt you
they pray on you
they don't care
the feelings you had share
so why even bother
why even care
about the broken heart
that is there
left to die 
left to hide
no one to save
nothing to gain
lost all hope 
lost all faith 
in yourself
no one care
no one is there
you are left 
a lone to stare 
in to darkness 
that you can't bear
There was a time where
we all was happy
and had cared

some poems and songs i did of my own feelings

Yu Zhenghai looked at the calligraphy paper on the table. Yu Zhenghai, Yu Shangrong, Duanmu Sheng, Mingshi Yin, Zhao Yue, Ye Tianxin, Si Wuya, Zhu Honggong, Ci Yuan'er, Conch. Si Wuya drew circles on their names. When put together, they formed the words for the poem: the bright moon shines over the sea; from far away we share this moment together.
"I never noticed this!" Yu Zhenghai was inwardly shocked by this revelation.
"That's why I suspected master wanted to recruit ten disciples from the very beginning," Si Wuya said.
"Wait." Yu Zhenghai raised a hand. "If what you say is true, why isn't Conch the 'shi' in the poem?"
Si Wuya said, "I've asked Hua Chongyang about this before. This little girl is pure and naïve. She doesn't know her own name."
Yu Zhenghai's eyes brightened. He nodded and said, "Could it be… that the little girl is master's… daughter born out of wedlock? Perhaps, she's hiding her name from us so that we won't find out about master's promiscuous past?"
Si Wuya nearly choked when he heard Yu Zhenghai's speculations.
Yu Zhenghai said, "Don't get so worked up, wise brother. I was only joking."
He was fortunate that his master was not around. If he was, Yu Zhenghai would have suffered a good beating.
It was not Si Wuya's style to badmouth his master behind his master's back.
"I've gone through the ancient texts, and I didn't find the origins of this poem, whether in the history books or collections left behind by literary masters. With master's skill in poetry, I don't think that he can even come up with a limerick. How could he have penned this magnificent poem?" Si Wuya wondered out loud.
Yu Zhenghai placed his hands on his back and said, "The world is vast and full of wonders. When master was at his peak, he traveled the nine provinces and the four seas. It's only natural for him to have encountered unusual happenings or heard some lesser-known folk songs and the likes."
Si Wuya nodded At the moment, this was the only explanation.
"Wise brother, now that we're in a good position, let's talk about business…" Yu Zhenghai was not interested in this poem. He was merely entertaining Si Wuya. He removed the calligraphy paper from the table and rolled out Yu Province's map.
Si Wuya dismissed his thoughts and focused his attention on the map before he said, "Half a year… We should pick up the pace, then. I think tonight's our best chance."
His statement was shocking.
Yu Zhenghai did not expect that. He asked, "Are we in a hurry?"
"We should strike when our enemy least expects us to."
"Good!" Yu Zhenghai smacked Si Wuya's shoulder heavily. "Your words are just what I like to hear, wise brother!"
…
Inside a room in the temporary General's Mansion in Yu Province.
A valiant-looking woman was tidying her martial attire in front of a mirror. Her hair was tied into a bun. Even her armor and sword could not hide her fair facial features.
"General Ji, you're certainly a match for men. It's up to you to defend Yu Province now," a person next to her said in an attempt to flatter her.
This woman was the only female among the eight great generals, Ji Qingqing.
Ji Qingqing said disapprovingly, "Do you think that Yu Province can be defended?"
The deputy general immediately fell to one knee. "General, you're our mainstay. You must remain strong!"
"Nonsense." Ji Qingqing frowned and placed one hand on her sword. "Four of my eight deputy generals have already been lost before the battle started. The Nether Sect is like the sun at high noon. How am I supposed to keep them at bay?"
"Uh…" the deputy general stammered, "T-the Taixu Academy's President, Xiao Shan, is bringing 1,000 disciples here as reinforcements. They'll certainly be of some help to you, General."
"That's enough." Ji Qingqing waved her hand. She did not want to discuss this further.
...
Night fell.
On the southern city gate.
A huge, dark flying chariot slowly sailed into view.
Yet, the Ji Province City remained silent.
The cultivators at the top of the gates looked up at the night sky.
"What's that?"
"A flying chariot?"
The night was too dark. They did not have much visibility. They rubbed their eyes and widened them to look again.
Suddenly, a saber shot out from the flying chariot. The saber glowed with faint radiance. Then, there was a bright flash as the energy saber instantly enlarged. It dropped toward them like a large pinwheel. As it descended, scores of densely packed starlight shot out.
This was the famed saber technique, Great Dark Heaven Memorial's Dark Heaven Starlight, that Yu Zhenghai, the Sect Master of the Nether Sect, cultivated.
"This is bad! The Nether Sect is here!"
Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!
They did not even have the time to light the fire signals before they activated the ballistae.
The Great Dark Heaven Memorial broke through the western city gate in no time at all.
Outside the gate, tens of thousands of Nether Sect members swarmed into the city. Their shouts resounded in the skies.
On the flying chariot, Yu Zhenghai stood with his hands on his back as he observed the battle below.
"Wise brother, what do you think?"
"Your saber technique is shocking, Eldest Senior Brother. I'm awestruck." Si Wuya looked at the Great Dark Heaven Memorial, stunned.
The Nether Sect cultivators poured into Yu Province City swiftly. Whenever they ran into the garrison, they killed.
The flying chariot began to slowly advance. It was progressing like a hot knife through butter.
High above the southern city gate, a figure crossed his arms in the dark night skies as he looked down. He glanced at the skies to the west and shook his head disapprovingly. "What a crude way of swinging his saber. Utterly boring and ostentatious. Its lethality is low. All it has got going for it is its appearance."
He continued to watch the battle; he did not join in. This was because the garrison soldiers were too weak. They were boringly weak. He could not bring himself to be bothered with them.
A moment later, he saw almost 1,000 individuals flying toward him in groups. Perhaps, he had been hovering in a remote part of the skies, combined with his green robes and the night skies, the people did not seem to notice him.
"Shh." The leader raised his hand.
"President, what do we do now?"
"Let's avoid being caught for now. We'll take a detour and leave Yu Province. Then, we'll launch a sneak attack on Jing Province…"
The others nodded.
"I didn't expect Yu Zhenghai to be this powerful… It's a fine idea to avoid him."
Some of the Nether Sect's elites were stationed in Liang Province to guard against the Other Tribes.
Yu Zhenghai and the others originally guarded Jing Province themselves. Now that they were launching this large-scale attack, the province was, naturally, left unguarded.
"Old Villain Ji has destroyed our Taixu Academy. I must have my revenge."
At this moment, a voice rang from above the cultivators.
"My apologies."
"Who's there?!" President Xiao Shan shuddered as he looked up. He saw a green-robed swordsman hovering in the night sky.
Zing!
A faint scarlet sword flew out from behind the green-robed swordsman's back. The sword split into two, then, it multiplied… until the sky was filled with densely packed energy swords.
Whizz!
An avatar appeared! The avatar that was missing a Golden Lotus shot toward them with thousands of energy swords in tow.
Swoosh! Swoosh! Swoosh!
The energy swords easily pierced the chests of the Taixu Academy disciples. They were powerless to fight back.
Xiao Shan summoned his avatar and rose higher in the air in an attempt to block the energy swords.
As soon as Xiao Shan rose into the sky, a faint smile appeared on Yu Shangrong's face. He adjusted his grip on his Longevity Sword as he stepped forward.
There was a flurry of movements.
Five leaves circled the sword's blade.
Before Xiao Shan could react, the leaves were already on the move. They sliced through his protective energy with uncanny sharpness.
The Longevity Sword followed closely behind the leaves, and it pierced Xiao Shan's dantian's sea of Qi.
Xiao Shan felt a chill spread throughout his body. His heart sank to the depths of his soul as he witnessed his disciples being stabbed by Sword Devil's Destiny. He cried out, "I'm taking you with me!" As soon as he finished speaking, he immediately detonated his dantian's sea of Qi.
Boom!
Yu Shangrong was set to be caught in the explosion. He felt the incoming wave of energy as he swung his Longevity Sword. A tidal wave of sword shadows was launched. The scene where he slashed the Fiend Zen was reenacted. He focused all his attention and worked with every fiber of his being as he swung his sword. He moved like the wind. The area within two meters of him was completely filled with the Longevity Sword's shadows.
…
On the Nether Sect's flying chariot.
Yu Zhenghai looked in the direction of the western city gate. At night, they could not see the details of the techniques or the appearance of the other person. However, it was difficult to miss the huge avatar.
"A 60-foot avatar with no Golden Lotus?" Yu Zhenghai was inwardly shocked. He was not shocked by the profundity of the person's cultivation base but at the speed at which the cultivator managed to re-cultivate to the Five-leaf stage after severing his lotus. It was a truly shocking feat.
"Eldest Senior Brother, that must be energy swords. It's most probably from the sword path elite who has been helping us," Si Wuya said.  


Lu Zhou wakes up to become the world's most powerful and oldest villainous Patriarch, and finds that he has nine notorious disciples who are full of evil. His eldest disciple is the leader of the Nether Sect with thousands of minions, and his second disciple—Sword Devil—always slaughters others at the slightest disagreement...
Without his cultivation base, how will he handle these evil disciples?
His eldest disciple, Yu Zhenghai, said, "I've never had a rival in my life, and no one but Master can make me bow my head."
His seventh disciple, Si Wuya, said, "We can't eat or sleep in peace as long as the Master is not dead!"
...
His ninth disciple, Yuan'er, said, "I'll remember what Master said and be a good person."

Saddest Poem


I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.

Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."

The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.

To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.

What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.

That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.

As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.

The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.

I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.

Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she once
belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.

Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.

Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her.


by Pablo Neruda

A collection of poems that I enjoy. Some are poems; some are quotes. 
They aren't mine--all credit where credit is due.
There's no actual lead or genre since there isn't a true plot.

In a moonless, starry night.
"Did you like eating that much John? Then you will have tons of friends underground, the worms and insects will share in this passion with you!"
I am hauling some cadavers from the hospital to the graveyard and, as usual, I am cursing at many of the corpses.
 
Many people do not deserve a grave, much less a crypt, these ungrateful, lazy, immoral, fat, and greedy bastards that they were. My only consolation for carrying out this grim work? Cursing their corpses and hoping that they are burning in the pits of hell.
While doing this I thought I see something on the horizon, a faintly glowing, dancing white light. True, it is pitch dark, and I maybe a bit drunk, but I remember his form to be strange, tall, big, strong, like some sort of giant.
 
Then it disappears into the dark night, and I continue my work, while debating in my mind whether they will pay me or just give me good beating?
 
I feel a thrill down my spine, my heart starts racing, the darkness becomes more menacing, but I continue as only a child would be halted in fear of the darkness.
 
As time passed I start turning at every little sound, with my knife raised, ready to strike. After some more time I am just too scared to even check.
I never realized how much fear can take over one's mind.
The chill darkness clings to me pulling at my clothes, lost in the pitch-black void, my eyes had gone insane? Have I gone insane? How have I reached this point? What is this liquid? I have lost control, I've given in, to the terror.
Everything seems to be moving, everything is moving, the shapes morphing: becoming bigger, twisting unnaturally, and deforming in the worst of ways; The forest has become gloomy and nightmarish, to continue is no easy task. With every attempt to advance, my dismay only renews, in bitterness realize I must be not far from death.[1]
I am feeling colder and colder, there was something lurking at the edge of the darkness. It is watching, I could feel it, chasing me, trying to catch me.
 
It creeps forward, and I lunge towards my knife, but come to the horrifying conclusion: that thing is not of God's domain. An enormous long dark cloak, covering who knows what, reaching and clawing ground; and the eyes! Those six damned, glowing white eyes that pierce through the soul and the mind, reaching the depths of my heart. Those damn eyes that bring the light, the light through the darkness, through the void and through my very soul.
 
I find myself in a bed, I must have blacked out, my saviours tell me that they had found me on the riverbank in the swamp, far from where I last remember being, cold and white like death but still, somehow alive.
I now promise myself to change my life, to do something, to use this blessing that the white eyes have given me, to live again: and write this poem :

Light that shines through the darkness
Light that shines through the void
May your light be bless
Eyes that look through the night
Eyes that look through the soul
May you see Twilight
Beast from beyond
Beast without god
May you claim your birthright
And bring End in starlight

A black monolith stands before my eyes, images and letters of all sort are engraved, some normal, other bizarre, many confuse and contort, pictures of beasts and monsters confuse themself in the thin white letters that are all over the monolith, I realize that they are stories, stories on the Eldrich and unknown.

This is not a single story but a collection of short stories inspire by H.P. Lovecraft, E.D. Poe and other writers of strange fiction.

Read them in every order that you like.

This is a critique of someone else's writing from my class. It starts with all of the poems, which are quite beautiful and emotional. It is clearly indicated where my critique starts. I hope you enjoy this as I certainly did.

lonely love.

you seemed so sweet, so innocent and pure.
you seemed to be the guy i was longing for.
the world saw us as friends, nothing more.
but to my broken heart, you were the only cure.

letters that contained our love for each other,
were thrown away, as if you were never my lover.
words meant for me, became meant for another.
we did things that i wouldn't even tell my mother.

kisses all over my neck and chest,
punches and slaps coming right and left.
never a night of peaceful rest,
yet i convinced myself it was for the best.

when you asked, i gave you ever piece of me.
even when you didn't, i'd just let it be.
there was never a moment where i felt free.
but i loved you so much, i just couldn't see.

then the night came where you decided to leave..
why did you have to leave so abruptly?
you told me it was never going to work out between us.
this is all my fault. it's all my fault…


up to you.

i feel like im always complaining..
and that bad things are usually my fault.
this feeling is burning through me,
raining fire, brimstone, and salt.

my heart is tearing me apart
from all the confusion and sadness.
but to them my heart is just a heart
to fill with all of their madness.

maybe i am too nice,
and maybe i can't say no.
but i guess i chose this life,
i mean, where else can i go?


you're delusional

you had me at hello,
and there was no turning back.
a smile, with such a glow,
i thought it was what i had lacked.

you told me to lighten up,
and maybe laugh a bit.
so i blindly remained stuck,
listening to all of your instructions.

what you wanted me to do,
was seen as terribly wrong.
but i thought i trusted you,
so i silently played along.

the smiling guy i had once knew,
was for sure far gone.
i would no longer dance,
to your twisted, sick song.

every single day,
i was under your control.
but i break free to say,
you're absolutely delusional.


spirit of fear.

clouded mind,
under the sheets.
tears falling down,
as night reaches its peak.

in public, in pain.
or alone in the rain.
my hurt takes a form,
that some call "insane".

i try to conceal
the things that i feel.
by smiling and laughing
i hope i will heal.

but my mind is so blank,
even when i write songs.
where do crazy people,
like me, belong?

i would run away,
but i'm broke and alone.
and this is the only place
i've ever called home.

i'm only okay when i'm by myself,
not caring for my body, my brain, or my health.
knowing i'm nothing, and help no one around,
as much as i scream, no one will hear a sound.


adrift.

i'm no longer in touch with reality.
my mind is adrift, but some would say free.
i'm starting to forget everyone's faces,
eyes and lips have become blank spaces.

i don't know anything or anyone.
and sitting in the dark, alone, becomes fun.
ignorance doesn't bother me anymore,
my mind is cold, and so is my core.

i walk all alone, with my head down low.
still smiling, even though i have no one to show,
still laughing, even though no one's told a joke,
and crying, because my mind is as cloudy as smoke.


honestly?

letting people walk all over me,
and use me to their will.
ill say "no" and "please stop",
but through it all, i'm unheard still.

no one wants to hear me talk
about the good, the bad, and the sad.
they cover their ears, and shut their eyes,
and forget about the pain i've had.

but that's okay, smiles on my face,
oh man, she can really act.
but the scars on my wrists,
and the tears in my eyes,
prove my story as a fact.


so greedy.

i felt like a pretty girl today,
just for a moment though.
thinking someone could actually like me,
there may be more to me than i know.

when compliments come, i reject them,
and shy myself away.
but compliment, after compliment,
the more i hear, i want to stay.

these kind words get to my head,
so when i don't hear them i feel ugly.
i allowed myself to believe such pretty lies,
how could i think anyone could ever love me?


trust.

i've made this mistake way too many times.
i've lost everything that i once called "mine."
my friendships, my boyfriends, my reasons to care.
my happiness has gone completely elsewhere.

my confiding in people has been covered by lies,
but no one would know because i've silenced my cries.
"just hold it in, you're almost to you room".
soon to let my thoughts consume me like fiery fumes.

if i say the rights things, and word it just the right way,
people will think that i'm better. that i'm really okay.
but i'm slowly getting worse, wearing a permanent mask.
and if i ever feel fine, it doesn't last.

It hurts to pretend, yet i do it so much.
I smile and i wink, adding a personal touch.
But as the saying goes, eyes are the window to the soul.
And my eyes show that my heart has a gaping, black hole.

-Start of my critique-

Dear S*******,

Overall, your writing does an amazing job at conveying emotions to the reader. As someone who has gone through similar pains and struggles in the past, I personally felt touched by this. I commend your bravery in putting this type of thing out there for others to see. Bravo. I will now break my evaluations down by poem. One thing, please excuse the improper use of pronouns if it does apply. I did not remember what you specified and I mean no offense by it.

The first poem you wrote was Lonely Love. When I read it, it was as if I could feel the pain that who I presumed was your ex caused you. I also had an ex-boyfriend who was quite neglectful. He never physically abused me but the mental is also bad. The line that really spoke to me was "But I loved you so much, I just couldn't see." Being blinded by love and other strong emotions can really cripple us. I once wrote a piece about fear and it conveys a similar message about being blinded by it. The last thing I have to say regarding this poem was the concluding stanza. The chaos and heartbreak in those four lines really expressed the confusion and pain that people feel when they are abruptly cut off from the one they thought they loved. One thing I believe could have contributed to improving this poem is adding a perspective of how he would approach you. Being able to have the reader see the experience of how he would greet you to add to the facade that blinded you would make for a much more comprehensive visual. However, this was a splendid work nonetheless.

The second poem was Up to You. It was difficult for me to determine what the actual theme or message was in this poem but I feel that I related to it in my own way. Through my depression and ADHD, I have always complained and blamed things that were out of my control. Then on top of that, I had always been a sort of therapist figure for my friends, even though I was too blind to solve my own issues. The part that piqued my interest was the concluding stanza. It really expressed the feeling that you are great for other people to lean on but can't even lean on yourself. 

The next poem was You're Delusional. I believe a better name for this poem would have been Sociopath. This term fits the theme much better. The description of the manipulation was masterful and abstract. Sociopaths are those who manipulate others for their own gains without care for other people's well being.

The proceeding poem was Spirit of Fear. I hadn't noticed it previously but I like how you switched up the flow in the poems in terms of rhyming. It made each poem read differently. As I read through this poem in particular, I was able to imagine the sound of torrential rain outside my window. I felt the chills and coldness of loneliness and despair. The facade that conceals your emotions also contributed to the feeling. It almost made me feel as if you were holding an umbrella during a storm while already soaking wet.

The next poem was called Adrift. I read this poem as if the person in question was a desensitized and lost soul, adrift in the void of solitude. The facial features of others dissolving from your memory really pushed forward that idea of being lost and not knowing how to get back on your path. It was a very interesting way to put it.

The next poem was named Honestly? I wasn't entirely sure how to read this poem but I decided that it made the most sense coming from a survivor of sexual violence. Whether it be ****, sexual assault, sexual harassment, physical abuse, any of those could be the source of this despair. Victims often don't get the support they need. Many people don't even understand sexual assault in the first place. I was in that position a long time ago. My first sexual experience was me being assaulted and I didn't even know until years later. The line, "Oh man, she can really act," really struck a chord with me. It would seem that putting up a facade is a common theme in your poems and it really provides a window into the pain behind that forced smile. I believe this poem would have been a bit better if the angle that you were coming from when writing this was a bit more clear as I am still unsure as to whether I read it correctly or not.'

The next poem was So Greedy. This poem really hit upon human nature and how it has developed in current times. Today, people crave the approval of others, constantly posting, showing off, and seeking that attention. Even negative attention can often fill that void to make people feel good about themselves. The last line, "How could I think anyone could ever love me?" was an interesting way of lifting the facade to expose the reality that hosts the delusions.

The last poem was Trust. This is a common sentiment that a lot of people who have been hurt by others have. Being unable to trust people yields anxiety and depression. I have felt this way many times. I have become cold and heartless in my pursuit of love, only opening up when I feel that someone is worthy. Unfortunately, even those that are worthy will often rip your heart out and leave an even bigger void than before. A line in the song Without You by The Kid Laroi really sums this up for me. "You ripped out a piece of me and now I bleed internally left here without you…" My one critique for this poem is that there could have been some better verbiage used in specific spots. One example I will give is the line, "My friendships, my boyfriends, my reasons to care." This line could have been ten times better if you used the word "lovers" rather than "boyfriends." This would accomplish a few things. First, it would improve the flow of the line, making it read and sound better. Secondly, it would make it so that anyone could relate to it rather than being turned off by the fact that it is from the perspective of a heartbroken girl. Lastly, having the word "friend" be said twice in the same line just doesn't read that well. The message came across just fine but "lover" would have sounded better. Overall, I really liked the poem and this one spoke to me personally just like the first one.

You did a great job on these poems. The overall critique I would have is to work on your verbiage in some places. Other words would fit better in those places to just read back your stuff and make sure that everything sounds good when you read it aloud. I do sincerely hope I get another chance to read some of your work.

-Alec Newman

This is just a collection of some random stuff I write. There is no rhyme or reason to them so don't expect them to be related to each other. Each chapter will be a different piece. Some might be long, some might just be a few lines. It is just a place for me to be able to look back at the stuff I play around with in terms of writing and I thought I'd let others access that place.



I've always loved the night. I feel less alone by his side. And yet life has left the cities, maybe that's why I love it so much. I've always felt too much in this rambling life. In this incessant buzz. In this permanent breath of life, of pain, of joy, of fatigue. Everything's always going too fast. The day spreads its rays everywhere, and yet it seems to me that they never reach me. Isolated from others, only my sadness is added to the noise. Solitude in the crowd. The crowd has always fought too fast for my heart. It is weak my heart and my soul is lost to scathing auras. A bitter taste extends from the bitumen. And my footsteps resonate, their pale reflection singsing the day. The light is too strong, my soul is bleeding too hard. On each cobblestone I leave a little of my darkness, and the day rejects me more for it. 

 
 

Yes the night is better with my being. The permanent breath of life has finally dried up. And I carry my spleen all over the place under the pale neon. The cold heats my being. And I get lost, all the time, without hatred. The pale night greets me and I am a little less alone. My tears flow in silence and I light the streets with a rancid flame. I light the world with a faint flame, and the night beats a little faster. The beating of my heart is in tune with his. She understands me better than anyone for sure. I even put on a coat in the colours of the Underworld, to adorn myself with the night more. The sun is already dead, and I'm a little less dead. I sometimes leave a few traces of blood in my path, and yet everything remains calm. I'm not that pale being, no one can see me. And a smile accompanies me. The moon smiles at me, his hope is for me. 

 
 

Often I come across a pale being, his steps are so fast. People are afraid of the night. Everything is too dark for happy, sane people. 

 Something goes wrong in their eyes, it's fear and it's awful. I smile at them too, but he doesn't see. I remain invisible, and deep down I like it. 

 
 

I like to confuse myself at night, it welcomes my long sighs, my endless nightmares, my uns breathed fears and my inexhaustible tears. Painful poem as that of the evening, painful song that the sound of the wind in the dark. And yet, I feel good about it. My darkness merges at night, and I am less invisible than I used to be. The streets are no longer too big for me, too full of haggard people, of joyless looks. I'm here, walking in the dark, and the wind blows me away, a little, it seems to me that his melody matches mine. And it's all lit up. I find more and more light in a lunar sky. But already the sun is rising, I walked all night I think, walking my pale mind. 

 
 

So I go home, always in the dark, mind in the fog. Soon I'll have to face the light in the day. And I don't like it, I miss the night already. I always feel too rambling in this ambient life. And the noise invades me again. So I wait, I wait for the evening to return, for him to marry my inexhaustible demons. I force myself to breathe, under a summer sky. 

 
 

But everything will be better, in a few hours, a few minutes, the black will be there, again. And I'll take him in my arms, wrapped in his icy aura. And I'd be less alone. I won't miss the day, and I'll be ready to face it again tomorrow. The night whispers to me sweet words of hope. And I listen to it, in silence. It makes me believe in hope. I hope then, the return of light. I know that one day I would walk there without fear, and that life would welcome me within it. Yes, the light will come back it's undeniable. And everything will be better, the night is sure. And I marry at night one last time, no longer afraid of the day, I am lost between its rays, and life seems less farther than before. 

 


This essay has no definite meaning, just a long introspection of myself. Just ills intertwining in me and lying on a pale cavier. Hoping that others will find meaning in it

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