BlackSnowAngel
Aiming to become a master story teller through writing and drawing. Owner of Yami Hikari Entertainment.
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im not sure what you mean?
What i like about this story was how sweet and conise the story moved. It did not have too many stumbling blocks but it was pleasanr overall. I do would like to see a bit more showing at certain times when he feels, other than that its a nice reincarnation story. its only just started but the possibilities is endless.
i really like how you describe this.
was it oddly worded?
Okay, for a first writer its actually not bad. There are some small writing issues, but everything is a work in progress. It is definitely a genre of magic and reincarnation. The chapters are face paced and will get into the story really quickly, which i like. Its smooth and simple to follow. There is a lot of potential to this story. I recommend you to travel with the author and check it out. Keep writing!
random tip. when two characters are talking to each other, you dont always have to say i said and she said after the two characters are brought into the picture and they bounce the conversation back and forth. it keeps the converstaion flowing. You can use the said, when a desciption is added or another charcter breaks into the conversation to differentiate, who said what.
So far there are only a few chapters so the possibilities of this story is endless. Its an interesting start and the character are interesting. There are a few pacing problems and the the where to place the words but it seems this is the authors fist try of writing a series. SO, with that being said, dont give up and keep writing.
same thing. The end isnt needed. The end represents the end of a story. your "said" and "asked" on this chapter when three people are talking, sometimes the said is best to put it behind the quote, so the transition between who is speaking helps in a more smoother tone. If you want to put it in the front, use it to break up the pacing for the readers.