Set 16
There's an elderly couple who has reached that point in life, where sex isn't part of the itinerary anymore. One night, the wife turns to her husband and says, "Everytime one of us wants to have a bit of a slap and tickle, we just have to say, "Washing machine.'" A night passes, and the husband leans over and whispers, "Washing machine." The wife gives him a shove and informs him that she has a headache. A few nights go by and the same thing happens, but the husband is determined and he reckons he'll just give it one more try. He leans over and whispers seductively, "Washing machine." Yet again, the wife turns him away. However, a few moments pass and the wife's needs arises so she rolls over and recites the word, but the husband turns over and says, "Sorry love, it was only a small wash so I did it by hand."
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A wife and husband are having money issues. One day they decide to have the wife work the corner. Later that night the husband goes to pick the wife up. He asks, "How much did you make, sweetie?" She answers, "I made $200.50." The husband says, "What asshole gave you 50 cents?" She replies, "All of them."
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A young woman asked her mom if she could go out for some fries and eat them with friends for 2 hours. Her mom said, "Sure." However, the daughter went to her boyfriends and had sex with him for 2 hours. When she came back home, her mom asked her how the fries were. The daughter replied, "Nice!" The mom said, "I can tell you enjoyed them; there's still mayonnaise dripping from your face."
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Two friends die. One goes to Heaven and the other goes to Hell. The one that goes to Heaven begs the angel to let him visit his friend in Hell, and the angel agrees. He gets to Hell and sees his friend surrounded by beautiful women and alcohol everywhere. He says to his friend, "Wow, you were a son of a bitch when we were alive! Hell looks better than Heaven." So the friend in Hell says, "Pour yourself a glass of wine." The heavenly friend pours the wine, and notices that the glass has no bottom. The good friend looks at the bad one in confusion, and the bad friend says, "The glass has no bottom, and neither do the girls. Welcome to Hell."
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I'm about three years into my relationship now and I've started to have erection difficulties. My girlfriend and I have different ideas as to what the problem is: she bought me some Viagra and I bought her a treadmill.
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Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" asked the one. "Well, not exactly." His friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it." "Oh, I see, kinky, huh?" "Well, not exactly. I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead."