Chapter Five

CHAPTER FIVE

Taylor Night

I was so sure I would be able to harden my heart, to keep the people who hurt me at an arm's distance but the more they come to see me, the more I falter. I don't want to believe them but I can't stop myself. Their visits upset me and leave me shaken. I'm not angry at them. I'm angry with myself for being so weak to their pleas and attempts to get me to forgive them.

But with each visit, another reality is facing me. 

My powers - They're getting more unsteady and I'm starting to realize that they are directly linked to my emotional state. I glance in the direction of the broken desk in the corner of the vault. I don’t even know when I did it. I had been stewing over Quill's visit and getting myself all worked up over it when I heard the crash. Somehow I had managed to throw the table against the stone wall without even touching it. 

I look down at my hands, feeling uncertain. 

Can I really destroy things without touching them?

Doesn't that make me more dangerous to the people around me?

Suddenly the Director's actions don't seem too excessive. I don't even know what I'm capable of. Burying my face in my head, I let out a silent groan. Sitting here like a prisoner isn't doing me any good, either. 

When the vault door creaks open, I mutter, "Just take it away. I'm not hungry."

"You can't keep refusing food, Taylor," comes a voice from the doorway that has me freezing. "Otherwise your friends will think I am deliberately starving you."

I lift my head to come face-to-face with a tall woman with pale skin, perfectly coiffed silver hair, and a trim figure. As always, Director Yearwood is dressed in impeccable style, not a strand of hair out of place.

"Took you a month to come see me," I can't prevent the bitterness from leaking into my voice. "Were you hoping I'd waste away in the meantime?"

The Director raises a brow. "It's not like you to be so dramatic, Miss Night."

"No?" I scoff. "Do you want me to thank you instead? Thank you for treating me like some sort of monster-"

"You are a monster," the Director says, bluntly, making me flinch. "Until you learn to control your abilities, you will be perceived as a monster wherever you go. And to make things worse, you are impulsive and hotheaded. You get riled up easily which makes you even more dangerous."

"So why not just kill me and make the problem go away?" I snap. "It's better than staying here!"

It's quite hard to ruffle the Director's feathers and when she studies me, unfazed at my outburst, it irritates me. "What?!"

"You're more agitated than normal," she comments. "From what I heard, you've been quite calm till recently."

"You shouldn't have sent anybody down here," I begin to pace in my cell. "I don't need-"

"Is that why you destroyed the table?" the Director comments, curiously. "You don't want to see your friends? That's a little surprising."

"It's none of your business," I'm not accustomed to being rude to the Director and even when I am, I can't meet her gaze. 

The Director is silent for a few seconds and I wait for her to chastise me about my tone but then she says, gently, "Forgiveness doesn't make you a lesser person, Taylor. And some people deserve to be forgiven."

My head shoots up, "You don't know what they-"

"You killed people, even if they were the enemy. You shed blood, Taylor. Do you think your friends and the people who accompanied you have ever seen such brutal death? Did you expect them to be comfortable with the idea of it?"

I snap my mouth shut. "That's not-"

"They could still stay away from you but they have fought for you at every turn. They have pushed their limits to the point that expulsion is now an option for them."

I go still.

"They have earned your forgiveness. Or do you want them to be placed in an impossible position now so that you feel better?"

I look away, feeling guilty.

"Your friends have been your allies. Have some faith in them. You didn't face yourself, Taylor. They did. In that moment, you were not the girl they knew. You were a cold-blooded killing machine. They didn't know if they would be next. You may have saved them. but you also scarred them. Your friend, Beth, is plagued with nightmares. She has trouble sleeping. Quill has become more aggressive and the counselors are trying to control his strength during physical classes. Isabel and Kathleen are facing their own sets of problems."

I notice that she doesn't mention Anderson but that is a fleeting thought as coldness settles within me at what she's telling me, "I - I traumatized them?”

When the Director doesn't say anything, I feel my heart sink. "I didn't mean to do that."

"I know," her voice is steady. "But it is done. You've all suffered in your own way. Removing the seal has made you unpredictable. Your powers are linked to your emotions. You need to unlink them. The only way that it will be safe to be around the people you care about is if you are able to wield your powers through your willpower, rather than a burst of emotion. But to reach that point is not an easy journey."

I stare at her, not knowing what is going on in her head.

She sighs, "I can't keep you here forever, Taylor, but I can't have you near the students as long as you are a danger to everyone. So, you have two options."

She takes a step towards the bars and before I can blink, she walks through them as if they don’t exist. "You can either leave and I will arrange for transport to drop you off into the city. You will be left to your devices and we will never cross paths again. Nobody will approach you again nor will you be welcome in our circle. You will never see your friends again. It will be as if the doors to the supernatural world are forever closed to you."

There is no hint of threat in her voice, just a grim finality.

I look toward the door and my feet ache to walk towards it, towards my freedom. I can find my father. I can do what I want. So what if I never see this place again, or its inhabitants?

However, something stops me.

The idea of never seeing Beth again, or Quill, or Kathleen - or Jesse, a voice whispers in the back of my head - feels like a hard ball edged in my chest. I can walk away right now, like I wanted, cut my ties with everyone, and go live my life.

But my feet don't move.

"What's my other option?" I finally look towards the Director.

She lifts her brows, "You can stay and you can learn how to control these abilities of yours. It won't be an easy journey but it is not impossible."

I consider her words, carefully, recalling everything Lowenstein, the hermit who lived in the woods and seemed to be an expert on the topic of the Blood Moon Hybrid, had said to me.

“I thought that my kind could never control their abilities, that we are a lost cause.”

The Director is silent and I feel my heart sink.

But then she speaks, her words slow and careful, “There is always a first time, Taylor. You might be the trailblazer who carves the path for every other Blood Moon Hybrid to come after you. Or this could fail. But I’m not ready to give up on you just yet.”

The firmness of her voice, the absolute faith with which she says those words has me reeling. 

“You think I can learn to control these powers?”

“Every other species is able to, so why not you?" the Director responds, calmly. "I never said it would be easy, but the fact that you didn't hurt your companions despite the emotional turmoil you went through after you killed the members of the Black Wreath organization is a feat in itself. I have faith in you. But do you have faith in yourself? Because you have to be sure if you go down this path."

I falter, looking down at my hands. 

If I leave, I might never be able to control my abilities. What if I hurt somebody on the outside? What if I hurt my own dad when I find him? What if someone finds out what I am?

And if I leave, I'll never see my friends again. Angry as I am at them, am I ready to never see them again? Does my anger really run that deep?

But if I learn how to control my powers, I won't be alone. I won't hurt anyone either.

I hesitate, meeting the Director's gaze, "Alright. I want to learn how to control my abilities."

When Director Yearwood smiles, a chill goes down my spine for some reason.

"I hoped you would say that. Come along then. Let me introduce you to someone."

As I follow after her, exiting the vault for the first time in a month, I ask, "Who is it?"

"An Elder."

"What's that?"

The Director chuckles, a surprising sound coming from her, "She's been around for a while, you can say. So be respectful."

"When you say a while-?"

"I mean, centuries."