Chapter 184: Asahi Toru
In the middle of the night, full of darkness and loneliness for him. On the roof of the mansion, in complete silence as the night chill of the so near winter brushed his body, he saw a snowflake fall in front of his eyes. With this, for much of the country, winter had begun....
"Five months have already passed..."
From his invocation until this moment, time has passed normally. At this moment everyone sleeps in their rooms, while he alone stands watch all night. He doesn't need to eat, he doesn't need to sleep, for this body that the Holy Grail granted him could survive without the basic needs of a normal human being. It did not seem to age either, so all that was left for him to do was wait for the war. The only way he could die now was to lose all his mana or be killed by a stronger being, but it was still a little over a year and a half before he would meet the other Servants.
'Tokiomi-sama said that I could become stronger by taking other people's mana, but...'
There are different methods to obtain other people's mana. In the case of Toru, who is an Assassin-class Servant, he can obtain that mana by killing people. But he doesn't like that idea. Going out to kill people just because it wasn't to his liking. Maybe for the 14-year-old Toru it would have been fine, but for the Toru of today, who is aware of what killing a person entailed, it was an idea he disliked quite a bit.
Tokiomi explained to Toru what this was like. Still, it was strange that the Grail had not provided him with information on how to strengthen himself for war. Both Kirei and Tokiomi looked at each other as they realized that Assassin did not have this information. It was as if the Grail itself did not want Assassin to get stronger, but in the end they took this as a simple mistake that can happen.
"Haa... there's still a long way to go..."
[The more I want to kill my memories, the more they rule my mind.]
Even though these five months have been rather quiet, Toru still kept thinking over and over again about what he experienced at the Throne of Heroes. This had become his new trauma. He just wanted to get it over with.
'I have to win... if I win I will be able to fulfill my wish.'
In the cold night, Toru thought seriously about his future as a Servant. His wish was the most selfish and cruel of all, but it is what he chose. He didn't think he was worthy of returning to the Impure World with Kyoko and his Akatsuki friends, hence his wish to disappear. Furthermore, he didn't want to return to the Throne of Heroes either, as he somehow felt that place was different for him for some reason.
His gaze darkened. He pulled out the seal daggers on his wrists and frowned.
'If only my Shigan could kill the memories, everything would be easier, but it's not. It was never easy, there must always be some complication. I'm aware of that, but it's hard for me to keep that thought in my head. Everything is always so difficult...'
The difficulty of a new life.
"Enough of thinking about such heavy things..."
The difficulty found in a desire that shows its own death. Not thinking about it was not the solution, for in the end the past was only reborn stronger in his mind. What to do to stop being like this? He didn't have an answer, but he had a path he could walk in search of that answer, just like that moment when he faced Madara.
'I'm overthinking things again. Uh...'
Toru had forgotten.
'Haa... Tomorrow I have to accompany Aoi-sama shopping. Christmas is very close and ironically, Alek Gusev's birthday too...'
With her blank stare, he smiled and stood up. Maybe it was a stupid and cruel coincidence, but it had been 5 months since he was summoned. It was 5 months to his birthday on the day he died. Ironically, on December 19 he would be 17 years old... ironically... That was the day Alek Goosev was born....
-The next day-
"Can you carry this for me?"
Aoi held up the box of a cake and looked at Toru with a smile. In response, he nodded his head and accepted the assignment. He held the cake with one of his hands, while in the remaining hand he carried some assorted shopping bags. Despite the winter chill, Toru was still dressed in his butler's suit, while Aoi was wearing thick clothes to ward off the cold.
"What else do we have to buy?"
"Oh? Well, let me see..."
Reading off a list, Aoi nodded her head and looked at Assassin.
"There's nothing else we need to buy. Though I'd like to buy you clothes that are a bit more fashionable. You look uncomfortable dressing like a butler."
"There's no need, Aoi-sama. I'm fine with what I have. I've already managed to get used to it."
"I see. You're such a lovely boy. I'll buy you some candy on the way home."
"I'm sorry to tell you that sweet things are not to my liking."
"Really? But I saw you eating a sweet bread the other time!"
Toru frowned.
"That's a separate matter. I really dislike foods that contain too much sugar. I get sick to my stomach very easily..."
"I see. If only Rin-chan were just like you, I wouldn't have to take her to the dentist so often. I must thank you for always taking care of my daughters. Rin can be a bit of a restless child, but Sakura is calmer. Maybe Sakura turned out just like me, fufufu..."
With a modest laugh, the smile of a perfect Japanese wife, Aoi stepped forward and looked at Toru.
"Let's hurry up. I have to prepare some things for dinner."
"Uh... yeah..."
***
A few hours later, Toru found himself back looking at the flowers. Sakura was at his side, silent this time. She looked up at the sky and then at the snow that was slowly accumulating on the ground and on the roof of the mansion. Rin wasn't here to avoid this encounter due to the fact that she was studying magic alongside Tokiomi.
"Oh..."
Picking up a branch from the ground with a smile, Sakura wrote something on the ground right next to Toru.
"Tōsaka Sakura."
She said as she drew the kanji of her name in the snow. Toru looked at her obviously confused until the girl handed him the branch.
"Now it's your turn."
"..."
Toru shook his head.
"I can't reveal my name."
"It's okay if you tell me. I won't tell anyone. I promise."
"Even if you promise, Ojou-sama, I can't. My identity is secret for a reason and you must already know it."
Sakura looked at the snow-covered flowers with a gentle smile.
"If I don't tell anyone, nothing bad will happen. It will be our secret, okay?"
Sakura lately has been doing everything to find out Assassin's name. Toru was already a bit tired of this, as Sakura's every attempt to find out his name was strangely creative. There were times when Toru was on the verge of giving in due to stress, but he could handle his own emotions so he always refrained from revealing any personal information.
It seemed like this would be the day, though....
"What are you two doing here? It's getting cold."
Appearing behind Toru's back, Rin looked over the latter's shoulder, who was crouched down, and noticed that Sakura's name was drawn in the snow. She knew what her little sister wanted to accomplish almost instantly. Though it was hard for her to admit it, she too was curious about the name Assassin. So she joined in on this."
"Tōsaka Rin."
Taking the branch from Toru, Rin drew the kanji of her name in the snow and looked at her beautiful calligraphy with a smile. She puffed out her chest proudly and handed the branch to Assassin.
"Now it's your turn."
Sakura smiled seeing that her sister had the same intentions. They both looked closely at Toru, who felt pressured by this. He just looked down and sighed tiredly. After that, he stood up and tried to take a leap to climb up to the roof, but he felt four small, cold hands grabbing him by the cloak. He looked back and realized that these girls were not going to let him run away.
'What a problem...'
Toru understood that these girls, being very young, don't know the limits of human privacy. Well, it was his name that was at stake, but... thinking about it carefully, he suspected that, even if others know his name, there is no way anyone in this world knows his story. He came from a different world than this one, a world entirely of shinobi. Furthermore, this world seemed to have a similar history to Alek Gusev's world. Based on that, it's not the name that matters, but the story behind the latter.
Yes, this was a problem, but to avoid that, Toru resigned himself to the piercing looks of these girls and took the branch in his hands. Seeing this gesture, Sakura and Rin looked at each other, for they had succeeded. These girls less than five years old managed to beat a teenager in this psychological warfare. Well, psychologically speaking, it's very easy to beat this Assassin.
"Asahi..."
He said as he drew in the snow.
"It's my last name. It's spelled with the kanji for 'morning sun', but it can also be read as 'rising sun or sunrise' depending on the context in which the word is used."
He narrowed his eyes.
"Tōru, my given name. It can be expressed with assorted kanji of the Japanese language. Sea, transparent, enjoy, gently, freely; these are some ways to write it. My mother taught me to write my name with the kanji 'Transparent'."
Kyoko thought that Toru, growing up, would be a person who shows himself as he is, a person who has no secrets, a "transparent" person, hence the name Tōru. But ironically, Toru is a person full of secrets, a person who lives with a mask that hides his true self. He was not living up to the name his mother gave him....
With this, Sakura and Rin looked at what Toru wrote in the snow and felt disappointed. Rin was quick to bring up how horrible Toru's handwriting was.
"You write horrible..."
Toru nodded his head.
"I know. Penmanship is not my strong point..."
But instead of being offended or anything like that, he simply admitted it. Writing was one of the things Toru didn't do well. Even in his past life, his penmanship was lousy, but this has a logical explanation. Toru's brain only prioritizes the reception of information, so he unconsciously does not take calligraphy into account when writing. In other words, Toru thinks faster before his body reacts correctly. In battle this is not a problem, but in simple things like writing it is.
With that, Sakura patted Toru's back to encourage him.
"Don't worry, Onii-san. My penmanship isn't good either."
"Ojou-sama... you're four years old, I'm about to turn seventeen..."
That was the big difference. Besides, he wasn't counting the years of his past life, for there he lived twenty-seven years with the same lousy penmanship, but in Russian. If a person foreign to the language saw something written by Alek Goosev, they would feel like they were reading some ancient texts, but really it would just be that scientist's ugly handwriting.
Leaving that aside, Rin and Sakura heard something interesting.
"Are you about to turn seventeen? I thought you'd be around eighteen or nineteen?"
Toru denied this. Sakura was only judging Assassin by his appearance so shabby that it wouldn't be normal for a person of this world.
"That's incorrect. Even so, I died five months before my seventeenth birthday. On December 19th, those five months will be up since I was summoned; that day will be my birthday..."
Rin frowned. Toru didn't look too convinced by this future birthday just around the corner.
'If I were Assassin, I'd be excited, but...'
Toru didn't seem to like this. Unlike that expressionless look, Toru had a disappointed face. They didn't know why this was, but Sakura didn't care. She already had a plan in mind.
"Toru-oniisan!"
Sakura smiled.
"Be patient."
Toru just stayed quiet as Rin folded her arms. This girl was planning something, he could see it in that innocent smile. So she just turned around and disappeared from one second to the next.
"Sakura... why do you care so much about that Servant?"
Her little younger sister looked at her with the same smile and replied:
"Because he's been alone for a long time."
And Sakura knew what it meant to feel lonely and abandoned. It was just something she didn't tell her older sister so as not to worry her. Now, with a birthday plan for Toru in mind, Sakura entered the mansion before it got any colder, leaving Rin pensive.
'Alone...'
Now that she thought about it carefully, Toru always had that strange aura of loneliness surrounding him. Looking up, she saw that Toru was on the roof of the mansion, staring out at the snow with a wistful expression and a faint smile that somehow looked painful to her.
'I don't think someone like him has ever been alone.'
'After all he's very handsome....'
'Ahhhhhh, what am I thinking!"
To extinguish the reddish flames that flared up inside her face to give her that typical flushed color, Rin stuck her face in the snow, only to realize how stupid it was to do that. Embarrassed, trying not to let Toru notice, she went inside the mansion to look for her little sister.
-Days later-
That day when Alek Gusev's tragic life began finally arrived. On this day, Toru preferred to be alone to try not to remember the past as usual, but he knew well that being alone is not enough to forget the past. He couldn't look at the flowers because the snow covered them all completely, he couldn't appreciate the snowy view of Fuyuki because he couldn't use the gravity control of his Rinnegan to fly. Alone, on the roof, drinking a cup of coffee without sugar, he tried to get "inspired" by his own loneliness. Thinking about the past was becoming overwhelming. To avoid it, he tried to fill his mind with other subjects while he was alone. What worked best for him was to remember the most difficult mathematical formulas to solve them in his own mind. It was something that helped him quite a bit.
Kirei allowed him to act in this way because the war was still a long way off. The only thing he had to do compulsorily was to train with his with him during the afternoons, after that, the remaining time could be used on anything.
"Onii-san!"
Sakura's voice suddenly brought Toru out of the world of thoughts. Lowering his gaze, he saw the girl who was wearing rather warm clothes. She was holding a box in her hands, whose gloves were so large that they made it difficult for her to grasp the box.
"Ojou-sama..."
Appearing in front of Sakura, Toru made a graceful bow and then looked her in the eyes.
"Good morning. I wanted to show you something I prepared for you."
He hadn't expected this. Still holding the box in her hand, Sakura took Toru's hand.
"Follow me."
He just obeyed and was guided inside the mansion by this girl. When they got inside, they walked all over the place until they reached the kitchen. There, Toru's eyes widened in confusion, as he passed through the door, he saw Rin and Aoi next to a cake with seventeen candles. He for a second frowned, but....
"Happy birthday, Toru-chan."
Aoi said, which was enough to make Toru freeze remembering the past. It was very similar to when Kyoko would call him and out of nowhere she would appear with a cake saying the same thing Aoi said. That memory...
"¡¿?!" x3
They were all silent and surprised because....
Toru was smiling...
'Maybe this is what I needed...'
He walked over to the cake and looked at it carefully.
"What are you waiting for, blow out candles!"
Rin urged Toru to do so, who, with that slight, calm smile, clasped his hands together and connected the seals.
"Fūton..."
A gentle breeze passed over the cake and the candles went out. Aoi and Sakura clapped, while Rin stuck her finger into the cake to be the first to taste it, however, Aoi noticed this and gave this girl's hand a little slap before she succeeded. Rin looked at her, but was immediately intimidated by her mother's murderous look.
"Thank you..."
Toru suddenly, strangely, expressed what he felt. These three girls smiled at Toru's modest words. In the end, he was not as cold a boy as he appeared to be.
"Well, how about some cake?"
Aoi started to split the cake. Toru was a little nervous, as sweet things are not to his liking, but he also didn't want to waste the effort Aoi must have put into making the cake. So, regardless of whether he feels nauseous from the sweetness of the cake, he was going to eat the whole cake if possible.
After a few seconds, Aoi offered a slice of the cake on a plate to Toru, who accepted it with a bow. He took the fork this woman offered him and then looked at the cake carefully. Rin watched Toru expectantly, for she, even though it is hard for her to admit it in front of everyone, made the cake together with her mother. Besides, she also has a gift prepared for this boy. Although it felt weird for her to give someone something as a gift, since it's usually Kariya who gives her things as gifts.
Toru took a piece of the cake with his fork and put it in his mouth. Surprisingly, the cake wasn't as sweet as it looked. He looked at Aoi looking for an explanation.
"Since you said you don't like sweet things, try not to put too much sugar in this cake."
"I see... it's delicious."
No, that was a lie. To Toru, this cake, even though it didn't have that much sugar, it still tasted bad. Well, he's not a normal person, so his tastes won't be normal either. Still, hearing Toru say that the cake was delicious, made Rin and Aoi look at each other with a smile. While Sakura, who ate her portion of cake in silence, looked at the box with the gift for Toru. She wanted to give him the gift in private. So she had to wait for her older sister to be the first to give her gift so she could deliver hers.
After Toru swallowed half of the cake with small tears peeking out of the corners of his eyes, Aoi gave a little push to Rin, who, embarrassed, approached Toru with a little black box decorated with red ribbons she held in her hands. She looked at the boy with a frown, as she was trying to hide her embarrassment.
"This...this is for you..."
Holding out trembling hands and avoiding eye contact, Rin handed the box to Toru. He accepted it with a bow.
"Thank you..."
Hearing this, Rin smiled and puffed out her chest proudly.
"It's the least you can say."
Still, after saying this, seeing that Toru was going to open the box, she quickly hid behind Aoi.
"Oh..."
Toru slightly widened his eyes as he saw the contents of the box. It was a claw shaped earring. It was quite similar to the one he already had in his left ear, only this one was made of a different material. It appeared to be made of silver with some copper details. Since Toru didn't care about the monetary value of the gifts, he just bowed to Rin.
"I will take good care of it. Thanks, Ojou-sama."
This was the first time in a long time that he received gifts on his birthday, so he didn't quite know how to act. He decided to follow what his heart was telling him and ended up thanking Rin twice. The girl just smiled proud of herself. With that, Toru set the box aside and put the earring in his right ear.
"Now goes my gift."
Aoi stood in front of Toru and motioned with her hand for him to bend down. He obeyed and did as the woman asked. When he least expected it, he received a small kiss on his forehead. Aoi stroked Toru's hair and smiled at him.
"Thank you for always helping me take care of my daughters. In these five months, you've helped me so much that I simply can't help but rely on you. I also bought you clothes."
Pointing to a suitcase that was near the door, Aoi nodded her head. Toru answered her in a soft voice.
"Thanks..."
There was something weird about this whole situation. Aoi was doing a lot of things that Kyoko was doing. But this didn't seem like a bad thing, as it somehow made Toru forget about everything that was tormenting him. Aoi was acting like a mother to this boy and this was helping him quite a bit.
"Good. With this, all that's missing is Sakura-chan's gift."
"Uh? Me? Yeah, but..."
Aoi understood Sakura's silence right away.
"It's okay. Come on, Rin-chan. Let's talk a little."
"What, why, I want to see Sakura's gift too."
Aoi took her by the hand.
"Let's go."
"No. Wait. Sakura!"
Aoi took Rin away and left Sakura and Toru alone. She just stood quietly looking at the plate with the leftover cake and sighed.
"Onii-san..."
She held the box in her hands and prepared herself.
"Since you came to this mansion, I've never been alone again. My sister is always busy practicing magic with my father. My mother is the only one I mostly usually spend time with. But when you came..."
Toru waited for the girl's words.
"I thought we could be friends. You're always alone, and I don't like to see you like this because you remind me of me. You don't talk a lot, but when you say something, I always like to listen to you. Onii-san, thank you for being here. Happy birthday."
She handed him the box and waited silently. Toru looked at her and then looked at the box. It was a rather plain box. It wasn't decorated like the box Rin gave him, but the contents were a little heavier. He opened the lid of the box and found a pair of red woolen gloves.
"I thought they would match your scarf."
Setting the box aside, Toru put on the gloves and clenched his fists gently. It was true that he could handle the cold better than humans. He might as well be out in the snowy storm and only feel small shivers, but....
"I'll use them when it's really cold. Thanks, Ojou-sama."
Sakura liked Toru's thank you. He was too polite, and it made her feel a little distant from him.
"You're my friend. So... you can call me by my name... no formalities..."
"I see... It's okay, Sakura."
To thank him, Toru accepted Sakura's request. With that finished, the girl left the kitchen in search of her mother and sister, leaving the boy alone with his gifts.
***
Later in the evening, inside the mansion, near a window, Toru watched the snow in silence. His clothes had changed, for he was now wearing black pants with smart leather shoes and a white long-sleeved shirt with a wine-colored tie. Ironically, Toru had a glass of wine in his hand, however, he was not alone. Behind him, sitting in that luxurious armchair, Tokiomi and Kirei were chatting. Tokiomi also had a glass of wine in his hand, in fact, he was the one who offered a glass of wine to Toru.
"I see you've quickly become accustomed to my humble abode."
Using a bit of sarcasm to break the ice, Tokiomi stood up and raised his glass looking at Toru.
"I don't think I'm that humble."
"Yes. You're right."
"However, I somehow feel familiar with this kind of place. Without revealing too much about myself, I spent my childhood in a similar mansion."
Well, the mansion Toru was talking about was three times bigger than the Tōsaka family's, so it wouldn't be anything similar. Tokiomi sketched a smile and poured some of the contents of the glass into his mouth. He tasted the wine carefully and nodded his head as he confirmed the aged taste of the wine.
"Your life may have been filled with diverse experiences. You are Assassin, a Servant, a Heroic Spirit. You are a mainstay on the road to victory. May your class as a Servant not let your skills remain hidden."
Returning his gaze to the quiet Kirei, who was gazing at the flame of a candle intently, he sat down in front of him again.
"You get along very well with my family, I should be grateful for that."
Again he relaxed.
Toru frowned because that man didn't seem to know his own family. He simply watched silently, analyzing Tokiomi's behavior. This man was someone strange, full of eccentricities, someone who somehow reminded him of Orochimaru. Who knows what things that man hides behind that relaxed smile, for he is the head of the Tōsaka family, a Magus family.
"I guess that's how I look like when I talk to Aoi-sama and his daughters."
Toru drank all the wine in one gulp and looked at Kirei.
"If I'm honest with you, I'm not someone who's very sociable. Every time I open my mouth in front of someone, I end up saying something strange that makes everyone uncomfortable. People would shy away from me for that reason, I think. But Aoi-sama and her daughters weren't like that. I guess they're not the type to judge people at first sight."
Setting the cup aside, Toru looked at the mark on Tokiomi's hand and sighed.
"You will also summon a Servant. Will you use a catalyst like Kirei-sama did?"
"That's a good question whose answer I can reveal to you. I have certain people in search of a certain item from a certain historical figure known as the King of Heroes."
"Gilgamesh..."
Toru said the instant he heard that description. In his past life, Toru read the story of Gilgamesh in some books. The journey of overcoming he had and all those things. Considering the story, he could already deduce how strong that Servant will be. However, it all depended on what class the King of Heroes was summoned with.
"Exactly. You're very perceptive. Kirei told me you're a shinobi with excellent combat skills. We're going to need that in the future. Just keep up the good work."
"How you wished..."
Kirei was silent the entire conversation. Well, he couldn't say anything either, rather, he couldn't think of anything to say or ask. Tokiomi took that into account and started talking about magical training.
Remembering this, Toru frowned. Sakura had no idea what magic was other than what her own older sister told her. That is to say, Tokiomi had no intentions of teaching magic to that girl. And that in the future would only be worse.
...
...
The following year, Tokiomi offered his own daughter to another family, the Makiri family, currently known as Matō.
To be continued...