Chapter 28: Cassidy X Jill

Cassidy did not pay much mind to the first explosion. The sound may have been loud and upsetting but there were any number of plausible explanations for where it could have come from and why. It was only with the second explosion that Cassidy took notice. She carefully picked up her backpack, with mushrooms in tow, and slightly opened the door to take a peek outside. As expected, her guards were gone. Cassidy pondered what to do. On one end, if the facility was under attack, it might behoove her to escape. On the other end, it was possible that the facility was under attack as part of a misguided attempt to rescue her. In which case, escape would not be recommended. Cassidy had been planning to leave under the will of her captors, not against it.

Before Cassidy had much time to weigh the possibilities of one outcome or another, she nearly fainted from shock when a hand grabbed her from behind. Given that Cassidy had just been looking that direction, it seemed incredible that someone had managed to silently dash up the corridor that quickly.

"You frightened me half to death!" cried Cassidy, mindful of her weak heart.

"Sorry!" said Jill Smith. "We have to go, Madame Oracle!"

Cassidy knew better than to argue with anybody in a crisis situation. This even extended to when Jill got down on her knees, obviously expecting Cassidy to climb up on her back. By the time Cassidy had gotten up there Jill had already broken off in a run. Cassidy made a point of keeping her head down below Jill's, lest she bang her head against the top of a doorway by accident.

"Why are you here?" asked Cassidy.

"To rescue you Madame Oracle," said Jill.

"Yes I know that," said Cassidy, already impatient. "But how did you even know where I was? And who told you that I needed rescuing?"

"I got a coded message from Joel Rotierre," said Cassidy. "Don't worry, it's volunteers only, and we're not using live rounds."

While in the midst of this conversation, as Jill was weaving through the halls, a Rainbow Shirt appeared from a corner, only to duck back immediately. Cassidy noted that whatever scruples Jill had about not trying to kill anyone with live arms, the Rainbow Shirts were assuming the worst. Jill ducked into a corner, let Cassidy off her back, and started to wrap tape around her arm. They were now under fire from laser guns.

"Such idiocy," said Cassidy shaking her head.

"I know, right?" said Jill. "I don't get the point of laser guns. They're slower than bullets, they don't fire as fast, they need to be recharged, and they're super easy to deflect. Just watch."

Jill tossed a flash bang grenade in the direction of their attackers. Straightaway she dashed into the fog and was back mere seconds later, with only a few vague punching sounds giving any suggestion of what had happened. Jill kneeled down again, and Cassidy once again obliged by climbing up.

"We're almost at the stairs," said Jill. "I'm not expecting any trouble. They don't even have any cameras on the stairs."

"So anyway," said Cassidy, "I wasn't talking about the laser guns. I was talking about you. I didn't need to be rescued. They were going to just let me go."

"Really?" asked Jill. "Joel said they were going to execute you."

"Joel lies about literally everything," said Cassidy, feeling a tinge of annoyance. "Surely you must have noticed that by now? Don't you understand that he tricked you into coming to Chicago?"

"I don't know what you mean," said Jill, finally puffing and puffing after the fifteenth flight of stairs.

"You were met by a mobilized police force who tried to force you to leave," said Cassidy, as they reached the rooftop and Jill let her off her back. "Didn't that bother you?"

"I mean sure," said Jill wheezing, leaning over. "But it's not, like, we wanted to take it over or something. We just wanted to get rid of the Nazi Dogs, and we did! Now Chicago has their own government. What's it matter if they voted for it or had a revolution?"

"What exactly do you think the Nazi Dogs are?" asked Cassidy.

"Like uh, the cops or something, right? It's slang?" said Jill.

Before Cassidy had a chance to react to Jill's statement of shocking ignorance their escape arrived. Cassidy had a brief moment of panic upon realizing that this appeared to be the same large helicopter Esther had used to bring her into the city.

"Aren't you worried?" asked Cassidy, trying not to let her nervousness show. "That's an enemy helicopter."

"What? No, no," said Jill, waving her hand and still trying to catch her breath. "We found that at a junkyard. A little beat up maybe, but totally usable. All we had to do was tear out the authentication system so we could hot wire it."

Cassidy could only imagine how perplexed the Social Justice Army was right now. First they were hit by harmless phantom explosions, now one of their own helicopters was airlifting away a prisoner they were already intending to release. How many of them even had any idea that they were being attacked? Cassidy felt a sudden intense moment of pity for Esther Okerye, who would no doubt be outraged by the multiple layers of incompetence that made this entire generally preposterous rescue operation a possibility.

"That went really well!" said Jill as they climbed into the helicopter. She started fist-bumping the various men under her command while a generally dejected Cassidy retreated into a back room, shaking her head. A moment later Cassidy came back in.

"Hey, you OK?" asked Jill.

"I'm fine," said Cassidy, looking straight at Jill. "You're the one I'm worried about. Do you have any idea what you've just done?"

"I saved you," said Jill.

"As I already told you, I didn't need saving," said Cassidy. "The bigger problem is that the Rainbow Shirts think they're your enemy now."

"Oh come on," said Jill. "What happened in Chicago wasn't anybody's fault. They know that."

"They did know that, yes," said Cassidy. "Morale ever since the swamp incident has been dreadful for their morale. Their leaders are having deep existential doubts about the efficacy and purpose of their organization."

"What swamp incident?" asked Jill.

Jill sat down next to Cassidy with intense bright eyes. The helicopter lurched a bit. Cassidy was not completely confident as to the machine's stability, but she was more worried about a drone attack than she was about the helicopter crashing, unsure though she was about how to calculate the relative probability of these events..

"Jerry Shankar tricked the Social Justice Army into trying to capture him at an anaerobic lagoon," said Cassidy. "Because they didn't know what an anaerobic lagoon was, most of them got themselves killed trying to rescue the ones that got in too close first."

"Who's Jerry Shankar?"

In spite of the severity of the situation, and the sheer pitiable level of Jill Smith's ignorance, Cassidy couldn't help but burst out laughing. No wonder the Rainbow Shirts were so easily provoked on the subject.

"What's so funny?" asked Jill.

"That's the uh...the catch phrase," said Cassidy, trying to sober up. "Jerry Shankar ends all of his videos by encouraging his viewers to respond to statements about him by saying, 'who's Jerry Shankar?' The thinking is that only people who watch his videos know about it, so his enemies would be clueless."

"But that's what anybody would say if they'd never heard of him before," said Jill. "And if it's in all his videos wouldn't his enemies know about it too?"

"Yes, yes," said Cassidy. "Though the logical flaw is obvious the Social Justice Army have never tried to address it, which is why they are convinced that any domestic terrorist they run into is affiliated with him in some way."

"OK, whatever," said Jill. "So there's bad blood between the Social Justice Army and Jerry Shankar. What's that got to do with me?"

"Until recently absolutely nothing," said Cassidy. "Jerry Shankar doesn't generally operate in Iowa. The Social Justice Army had been writing you off as a coincidence, a useful idiot for their own schemes. But then you had to go and break into their headquarters and carry off their prize prisoner, a known associate of Jerry Shankar."

"Wait," said Jill, "you actually like, personally know this Jerry Shankar guy?"

Cassidy sighed and walked to the window, trying to steady herself. They were far off from the city now, heading to the Canadian border it looked like. The Social Justice Army wouldn't want to track them across international boundaries, assuming they'd even realized what had happened. For now they were probably safe.

"Yes I do," said Cassidy. "You are in great danger now. The Rainbow Shirts know what you look like. They'll hunt you down."

"Rats!" said Jill, focusing intently. "I'll have to tell the Hunter's Guild to scramble."

"Why?" asked Cassidy.

"You just said we were in danger."

"I said you were in danger," said Cassidy. "You're the only member of the Hunter's Guild that anyone in the Social Justice Army even knows about. And thanks to that boneheaded interview you did with Huma Reid, they won't be able to forget."

"But I run the Hunter's Guild!" said Jill. "What's the difference?"

"Strictly speaking," said Cassidy, "you could instruct them to publicly disown you. Then you could flee, supposedly for your own life over to the Free State of Dakota."

"Why would I do that?" asked Jill.

"Because the Free State of Dakota is currently engaged with a genocidal war against the New American Indian Movement, a war the New American Indian Movement will almost certainly lose, unless they get help."

"Look, uh, I'm flattered and all," said Jill. "But I'm like, one woman. I can't win a war single-handedly."

"I didn't say the help was coming from you, at least not directly," said Cassidy. "If the Social Justice Army that you have taken the side of the Free State of Dakota, then they will join forces with the New American Indian Movement simply to do battle with you."

"So what you're saying is, to defeat the racists, I need to pretend to be a racist."

"Exactly."

Jill just stared at Cassidy with a perplexed, dumbfounded look on her face. Cassidy didn't blame her. After achieving what must have felt a very straightforward act of heroism, Cassidy was now instructing Jill to behave in a nonsensical, illogical manner in order to properly manipulate the actions of some very nonsensical, illogical people.

"Since when has the Free State of Dakota been racist anyway?" asked Jill. "We exchanged gifts with them like, last September. There was a cool Viking festival and everything. I got my tattoo there."

Jill scrunched up the arm of her uniform and showed Cassidy her runic symbol tattoo. Cassidy started rubbing her forehead.

"Did you, um," said Cassidy, breathing in and out slowly. "Did you show that tattoo in your interview with Huma Reid?"

"Yeah, why?"

"That's a Nazi tattoo."

"What? No," said Jill. "It's a warrior Viking thing."

"The only people who use that particular design are Nazis," said Cassidy. "Although admittedly I doubt your typical East Coaster would be able to tell the difference between a pagan tattoo and a Nazi tattoo even if you'd gotten the correct kind."

Jill's face curled up into an angry look. Cassidy observed that the expression was disarmingly cute. It would do Jill well in her future endeavors, where people would no doubt continue to horribly misunderstand her motives. Jill got up and stood next to Cassidy, looking out the window as she cracked her knuckles.

"I think I need to go punch some Nazis."

"Well, have fun," said Cassidy. "Don't forget to take the helicopter with you."