Surprise!

This is it, it's game time, today is the day, it's cake time bitchs! I suppose their's also me unlocking all my shit as well, but who cares when their's cake. Now to find Andy and make sure his programming keeps him from using that damn sawblade of his on the cake.

Okay first things first, sneak out of the only room and open the loud ass door. Good thing I greased its gears' yesterday. Then sneak past mom and dad without waking them up, shouldn't be to hard since I drugged them with sleeping pills I had Butch steal from his mom. Then sneak past any Vault security patrolling between here and repairs, considering how lazy the bastards are, should be a synch. After all that give Andy a few upgrades to his programming and modules and voila, one competent robot.

As to why we didn't do this earlier, I didn't feel like it, but now that the cake is in danger nothing shall stop me from saving it.

"Ehem, and where do you think you're going mister." Shit abort abort, deniable plausibility. "Hi mom, I didn't think you'd be up so early." Oh dear god, the death stare, I thought it was only a myth in my world. "Out with it Jacob, what were you about to do, and before you say nothing I heard most of your muttering" WHAT, no that's impossible I don't mutter when i'm planning. "Yes, you do, and how in the hell did you slip sleeping pills to us. Me and your father have been watching you like a hawk just for this sort of thing."

Well their goes my master plan to save the cake alright time for plan B. Puppy dog eyes activate! "Mom can you please take me to Andy so I can fix him. I don't want my cake to end up like Amita's, pretty please with a cherry on top. I promise not to cause mischief for the next week, no, two weeks. Please I really want that cake." Giving the best puppy eyes I can manage. Mom finally relents with a sigh of apprehension. "Fine, but we'll be talking about the fact that you drugged both me and your father. Do you understand me young man."

With a salute that would put any solider to shame I reply "MA'AM YES MA'AM. Now let go before Stanley start's his shift with Andy." I eagerly tug her out the door with the peak strength a 8 year old could have, and let me tell ya It can be quite a lot. With me practically dragging my mom behind me, we reach repairs in just a few minutes. As the door opens my eyes immediately go to the chrome chassis of Andy sitting in his charging port. Without further ado I take out my handy little tool kit I keep on me and take off the piece of chrome that's keeping me from my prize.

There before me is a connection port that requires a Pip-Boy plug in. Unfortunately since I still don't have a pipboy of my own, I make due with mom's. I was going to stea- I mean take Dads and use it instead but... Taking out the cable on top, I connect it to Andy's port and start typing away at the rubbish coding Vault Tec installed in him. Making quite a few changes I recheck my work to make sure it's all good, and then I unplug from Andy while also removing the code from mom's pipboy. After all, what you don't know can't hurt you, at least that's what I tell myself, and mom can't know about the back door protocol that I installed which will then let me piggy back off of Andy and give me a secure line into what remains of the Vault Tec's database in the Vault.

Ahh, control never felt so good, but I digress. With the cake now safe and Andy getting a much needed boast to his system's I'd say it's been a pretty good morning. Now I just have to survive mom's lecture on my bad behavior and morally wrong actions and I'll be good. Feeling a pair of eyes burning into the back of my head. "I said that last part out loud didn't I." Turning to look at my rather angry mother. She reaches for my ears and if I know what's good for me I'll let her do as she pleases. After all it took me ducking out of the way once to know she can inflict so much more pain on me than I am willing to bare.

"Jacob Marcus Cross when will it sink into that big brain of yours that the things you're doing aren't right, and before you talk back to me just know that after your birthday party today you are grounded mister. Because one, you had Butch steal from Ellen, two you drugged both your father and I, three you were planning on sneaking through the Vault without parental supervision, four you probably did something to Andy that no one is going to figure out, and five you make me constantly worried that you'll try something stupid and one day you won't pull it off."

Looking down at the ground I couldn't really find it in me to retaliate. I know she's right, but still sometimes I can't help but think that this is nothing more then a game where I can do whatever I want and not care, and those days are particularly hard to deal with so I act out just so I know it's real. Just so I don't take everything for granted again. Right as I was about to get in a funk again I feel arms wrap around me and pull me into a hug, and a hand gently brushing through my hair and mom whispering into my ear that it is alright and that she's right here and how she loves me no matter what.

God sometimes I hate this world that I once loved because now it's real, and just trying to cope with that fact gives me more anxiety than I'd like to admit. One moment I'll be fine and the next I'm hiding away somewhere quiet, rocking myself back and forth. After all I know what the world has in store for me and I'm pretty much fucked. So sometimes I take the little time I have and vent my grief in the only non harmful way I can.

That all stopped about 2 months ago when mom found me during one of my sessions and ever since then she tried to get me to talk about it, but what am I suppose to say, "Hey mom, guess what, you don't exist. You're nothing more than a piece of coding that pushes dad into making the right choice so your child could be raised in a safe and stable home." yeah no thanks, I'll just let her keep worrying about me and my mental health.

So after enjoying being hugged and petted to death, I pull away and lead mom back home. A few more hours pass by, which dad finally wakes up, it look's like I'll have to give mom a way bigger dose next time. Damn wolverine powers.

Mom didn't tell dad anything, which I find a little weird, but who am I to look a gifted horse in the mouth. Speaking of dad he has aged a lot less then what the game portrays, I think it has to do with mom still being around.

After stretching and getting out of bed dad walks over to mom and they share a quick kiss. "Good morning love." He then comes over to me and picks me up, even at the age of 8 I'm still a light 90lbs. "Good morning Jake are you ready for your big day? After all you only turn 8 once. I remember when I was your age your grandfather and I would build little toy models of robots, and I must say my favorite one to build was the Sentry Bot. Who know maybe if I can scrounge around I might be able to find one of those buildsets. If I am able to find one whould you like to help me put it together."

That actually sounds pretty fun. "Yeah it sounds like fun, but you're always so busy. How about this as long as you promise we'll do it together and you won't start without me. Then when you're not doing anything we can build it together." My dad looks at me for a second then reaches his hand up with his pinky extended. "Alright Jake, it's a pinky promise. Though it might take me awhile to find one that hasn't been built yet. So can you wait until I find one." I don't even give it a second thought. "Yep!" Since he's still holding me I hug him around the neck tightly until he puts me down.

After that him and mom talk about their responsibilities in the vault and when they think I'm not listening they talk about ideas for project purity. Soon enough the time had arrived as we stepped out and made our way to the diner. It isn't a very far walk but then again you can walk from one side of the Vault to the other in like 30 minutes. So while I hold mom and dads hands we walk into the Dimer only to be hit with a blinding white light. After regaining my eyesight I see it was just one of the bulbs going bad. Immediately after being able to see I'm tackled by Amata in a surprise hug.

Looking at her smiling face I couldn't help but kiss her cheek, after all I was her boyfriend. "Hi Amata." Look at her slightly blushing. "Hi Jacob, were you surprised by my hug. You probably were, it's okay if you don't want to admit it. Oh yeah I got you a gift you'll never guess what it is." Even though I already know I can't ruin it, I mean just look how happy she is. "Let me guess you got me a... Barbarian Axe."

Amata looks at me with a hint of shock, but I can't understand why, after all she only got me the comic right. She sighs then shakes her head. "Why do you always have to be such a good guesser. Yeah but that's not all I got you, I also found this Grognak The Barbarian comic in my dad's old stuff, and after I found it I asked Stanley to make you the axe. Well at least I surprised you. Stanley still has the axe but I have the comic, so here you go, after you're done talking with everyone come sit with me I'll be over by your parents." With a quick kiss on the cheek she runs off to sit at the rail by the cake chatting with mom.

Taking a look around I see Mrs. Palmer sitting with stick in his ass. Butch and the gang at their own table with a few other kids. Officer Gomez is looking out the window to the hallway. Stanley sitting with my parents, and finally Andy hovering over my cake. That programming better have worked or else I'm gonna be pissed. Alright time to start with Blue Ball Berry.

"Hi overseer, how are you today?" I can feel the immense hatred he has for me. Years of pranking will do that to a person. "Ah, young Jacob, I'm doing quite well and it seems as my daughter is still as attached to you as she was when she was three." I know no matter what I say he's going to be pissed. So let's go with one of the old dialogue options. "Yeah I guess I'm just that charming." And yep he's pissed, but I can't have a good day without a pissed off Overseer.

"Don't be so presumptuous boy, a lot can change in a few years. Do you understand me." Ugh why do I have to deal with his shit, it's okay, keep it in. Beat his ass later. "Yes Overseer sir."

"Good, now I wish you a happy birthday, and here, your very own Pipboy 3000. Normally it's only given after your birthday is over, but I've seen how much you help you parents out and with this you'll be 100% more productive. Now I believe there are other's that wish to congratulate you on turning 8."

With my mind whirling I can't believe he gave it to me so corgily. I guess I'm just that great. Because now I can officially work. I'll show you Dick Breath. "Thank you overseer, I'll see you tomorrow when I come over to play with Amata." And there goes his eyebrows twitchin up a storm.

Taking satisfaction in how furiously his eyebrow's twitching, I turn to Old Lady Palmer. "Hello Mrs. Palmer." She looks at me with a elderly smile (you know the one). "Why hello there Jacob, oh my look at how fast you grew up. Already 8 years old and helping your parents in the Vault. Why I remember just like it was yesterday when your parents came to us... oh look at me rambling on. I bet you're here for your present aren't you."

SWEET ROLL BITCHS! "Yes ma'am I am." I give her my best happy smile, which isn't really all that hard to do. "Well what a nice polite boy you are. Don't ever lose your gift of speaking your mind so directly. We could use more of that down here. Well here you go a nice warm Sweet Roll that I baked just for you. You don't have to share with anyone if you don't want to." SWEETROLL! "Thank you Mrs. Palmer, but I was wondering... Could you teach me how to bake one of these. I want to make one for mom and dads anniversary that's coming up."

She gives me another one of those elderly grins. "Of course dear, how about you come over to my home later this week and I'll help you bake them." "Thank you Mrs. Palmer and thank you for coming to my birthday party." Still the elderly grin. "It's my pleasure, now go and play with your friends."

Alright Sweet Roll recipe is in the bag. You won't be the last of your kind I promise. Now then, let us see how Butch, Wally, Paul, and Christine are doing. Can't believe that everyone else's parents made them stay home. This is war, and I fight dirty, real~ dirty, Mwhahahahaha. Back on track to Butch and the gang. I kinda hope they brought something. Otherwise me and Butch are gonna have another fun game of hide-n-seek... but with a baseball bat.

"Hi Butch, hey guys how's it hangin." Pauls the first one to answer. "Hey boss we were just waiting for ya. Oh yeah here you go it's my present for you. Mom said I'm not allowed to wear rings and so I thought you might like it instead." As I take the ring I give it a once over and I gotta say it's kinda cool. It's the same color scheme as our jumpsuits and it has the seven Vault Boys on it representing all the S.P.E.C.I.A.L. skills.

Then Wally hands me a security baton that I've been wanting to get my hands on for a while now. Butch being in the bad situation known as his mother. Doesn't really have anything to give me, but he still hands over one of the extra switch blades he has, and I've just gotta say the blade on it, is beautiful.

Last and probably least is Christines gift, and what does she give me. It's a pair of sunglasses... I just want to remind everyone that WE LIVE UNDERGROUND. Great, I guess I can try acting cool while bein the fool. Oh well, that's why I'm the leader. Because it seems as if I'm the only one with good ideas around here. I split the Sweetroll six ways and give each a piece. One shouldn't lead with just his fist even though in this world might makes right.

Next up is officer Gomez and honestly I'm not expecting anything from him. Then he hands me a holotape that has a game on it. I thank Gomez because I know how hard it is to find to find good entertainment down here. Hell I prank everyone I can and I'm still bored most of the time.

Last on the party list is Stanley, and I'm honestly surprised at how well done the axe is on such short notice. It's all steel which is reasonable considering that's really the only resource we have in abundance down here, and the engravings done on it are beautiful. I knew Stanley was good but not this good. Maybe I'll take some time and learn from him. Since him and mom are the only people keeping the Vault operational. Aside from that he also gives me a Vault Tec Baseball hat, it's the same blue and gold we love with 101 on back with a Vault Boy Baseball player on front. After looking at the axe a while longer dad takes it from me and said "It's a pretty dangerous item and me and your mother have decided that you'll only be getting it back when you're a bit older, but don't fret we've a surprise after your party you'll most definitely enjoy. Now I believe it's time for some cake, yes."

Feeling a bit disgruntled, I soon get over it when I hear the magic word. Finally the moment we've all been waiting for... CAKE. Wait why does Andy have his flamethrower up... no... oh god no why didn't I account for him lighting my candle's. Shit Dick_Lover69 is still here I can't give vocal commands or else he'll find out. FUCK... I'm sorry cake, your sacrifice shall not be in vain. I will avenge you my sweet friend. Hold on... eureka!

"Andy there's a radroach behind you." Andy turns around with his flamethrower pointing away from the cake. I move as fast as I can and reach the cake. Swiftly saving it from its doom know as Andy. Letting out a sigh of relief I turn to my dad. "Dad can you cut the cake please. I want you to do the honors." With the bullshit excuse and a smile even an angel would fall for. Dad goes and grabs a knife to cut the cake.

I can feel the overwhelming hunger take over. With my mouth watering, I'm about this close to saying fuck it and headbutting the damn thing, and there it sits, perfectly cut in a triangular piece, waiting for me to destroy and convert it to my childish body. We will become one for I am in complete Zen with the art of cake.

CAKE IS KING, CAKE IS LIFE. FUCK YOU GLADOUS MY CAKE ISN'T A LIE. MWHAHAHA. Some days I think I have a very serious problem, but today I'm pushing that all to the side and enjoying my well earned treat... and Amata just took a bite out of my piece... "AMATA THIS MEANS WAR PREPARE YOURSELF."

I really wanted to eat that first bite. Must of wanted it badly enough if I'm willing to make Amata mad, speaking of. "Sorry Amata I was just really looking forward to that bite. After everything Andy put me through to get it in one piece I might have gotten a bit emotional." As I slyly take a bite out of her cake. Now she's glaring at me, fine. "Here have a piece of my sweetroll. I was going to wait till later and then share it with you, but now's fine too. I love you." Still being glared at she takes the peace offering and whispers "I love you too", but now with a blushing face. When did I get so lucky.

After a few more minutes I notice the intercom beep and walk over. I had fun, but now I kinda just wanna take a nap. So I press the button and Jonas's Voice comes crackling through. "Hello, is that you Doc?" Before I can say anything dads alreay at the intercom. "(Clears throat) Yes Jonas I'm here, is everything ready on your end?" Even though I already know what's going on I still stare dad down. Cause if there is one thing I learned today it's that I can't completely rely on the knowledge of the past. I mean this whole birthday scene is taking place two years before it should, and I don't know what caused it. So I'm going to have to be even more wary in the future. I'm just happy that I'm not out in the wasteland where the impact could be even higher.

Dad's giving me that look that practically screams 'stop staring off into space', whatever. How about you hop dimensions and see where your head takes you. Cause mine is full of shit I never want to think about. Anywho Dad tells me "Jake, your mother, Jonas, and I, have whipped up a nice surprise for you. Why don't you head on down to the reactor room and we'll be right behind you, okay kiddo."

And so out the doors I go and wouldn't you know it there's Beatrice walking my way. Glad to know somethings never change. As she makes her way over to me I smile. "Hi Aunt Bea, did you come for the party. Cause if so you just missed it everyone is starting to leave." She shakes her head, "Nope I'm here for the birthday boy not the party, because to me you're way more important." With what seems like reluctance she hands me a folded paper. "Who would have thought you'd grow up so fast. I remember like it was yesterday of you running around the Vault with the other kids chasing you. Time just flies by huh. Well enjoy your gift Jake I'm going to talk with your mom before I go back home, there's some recipe's I want to swap with her."

In the game it never really states just how sad it is down in the Vault. I mean yeah it's safe but also stagnant, and Beatrice being the busybody she is can't seem to get a life of her own. She'd rather live through everyone else, and if I'm being honest I know that she cries herself to sleep. She act's all bubbly, but it's just that, an act. No use pondering over sad shit, it's only going to get worse... unless I do something about it.

Okay so I know mom and dad are going to leave the Vault when I'm a little over 19. So that means I've got 11 years to change producer of shit creek's mind. Okay we've a game plan, and if I can stick to it then everything will go so much smoother for the future.

"Hey Jake, Ready for your surprise, cause I know I am. Can't wait for you to see it."

*Gamers Mind in effect*

Hoh shit that should have scared me. I was way too deep in my mind. "Hey Jonas, yeah I'm pumped up, dads been tight lipped as usual so I really have no idea what it'll be." Jonas looks like he's pretty relieved that I don't know. "Good, good, alright if you can wait a few more minutes, I think your mom and dad would like to do the honors.

Hell it didn't even take a few minutes as soon as Jonas stopped talking they're already behind me. Dad crouches in front of me. "So Jake are you ready for your big surprise." Not really able to hold myself back I nod my head furiously in acknowledgement. "Alright calm down sport, Jonas if you would." And with that Jonas goes to the opposite side of the room where a huge door is and slides a card to open it. And inside is something I didn't see coming.

It has the targets in back, but there is so much more. On one side there is weights for training and a bed, the other side there's a work bench with all sorts of broken stuff crammed into crates beside it. There's even one of those C.A.M.P. devices from the accursed 76 game.

How? Who the fuck am I to ask, but apparently that's not all. Dad leads me over to one of the big crates in the room and opens it up. And what do I see but a pristine motorcycle with all the part's one could ask for. Had to belong to a rich guy who didn't make to the Vault in time. May he rest in peace. Otherwise imma find his ghoul ass and kill'em

Sorry, side tracked. But wait, there more. How? I still don't fucking know, and it is really starting to show through! I must of had my jaw on the floor since I walked in! In the other big crate there laid a disassembled FUCKING SENTRY BOT. I turn to dad and he turns to mom. "Well when I was scavenging for part's for one of my projects I came across this room. I opened both the boxes and was just as stunned as you. Apparently the sentry bot was suppose to go to vault 100, but was sent here instead. Which is odd because there's no data on Vault 100 anywhere." Dad steps up and puts his arm around my should and says. "I know I promised you we would build model robot's together, but I think this might just be a step up from that. Don't you think so Jake." Numb, I am utterly numb. I can't even think right now. All I was expecting was a BB gun, but instead I get a bike, a robot, and a cool secret lair. "Best Birthday Ever!"

Mom being smug as usual. "See James I told you he'd be surprised. Now then one last gift. It's from all of us, we know your smart Jacob, probably smarter than all of us together. But that doesn't mean you're capable, and so me and your dad thought that it's about time to teach you a few thing you'd otherwise not know. And of course the first thing your dad thought of is handling a gun. Now it's not a real gun, but if used right it can put a lot of hurt on someone. Possible enough to even kill them. So here you go, from me, dad, and Jonas. Happy birthday baby." And with a kiss on my head mom hands over the first 'firearm' I'll ever use. Taking a stance I bring up my gun and feel something 'click'.

Time stops and the only thing I can move is my eyes. A voice pops into my head. "Hello Gamer. I am your Gaming System. Please specify your name." The fabled translucent screen appears with Enter Name. No keyboard and I can't speak so mind magic it is 'Jacob Marcus Cross'.

"Gamer registered. Please give system designated name." It's a bit cheesy but. 'Designation set to Cortana. Also from now on use the voice of Jen Taylor.' "Acknowledged, saving changes. Welcome Jacob." Feeling a bit of awe I say the words I've been waiting to say for year's now. 'Cortana...Show status.'