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The demonic celestial

作者: Okika252
Fantasy
連載中 · 143.3K ビュー
  • 30 章
    コンテンツ
  • 4.9
    10 レビュー結果
  • NO.200+
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What is The demonic celestial

WebNovel で公開されている、Okika252 の作者が書いた The demonic celestial の小説を読んでください。James a biochemist in his past life just got murdered by his best friend he is then transmigrated into the body of a youth without celestial veins watch at how he rules the heavens as the celestial ...

概要

James a biochemist in his past life just got murdered by his best friend he is then transmigrated into the body of a youth without celestial veins watch at how he rules the heavens as the celestial sovereign

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The Main Protagonist Best Friend

I am the protagonist best friend! How do I know he is the protagonist? Well, I witness the extraordinary events that happen after he was born. I can see the protagonist halo everywhere he went. How am I his best friend? Why would I not be. I know everything there is to know about him. From his weakness to his strength, his passion to his sadness, etc. I have always helped him out whenever he need it, and have always been there for him. What? You're saying I stole the dragon pearl from him? How could you accuse me of thief when I clearly brought it with coins, you can even check the receipt here. What? You're now saying I purposely led him into the goblins nest? He was the one that wanted to find the treasures from the treasure map. What else are you accusing me now? --‐---------------------- Lex Silber Helios was born into a rich noble family as the second son. If he was to play the normal script of the average arrogant noble son, he would have become a stepping stone for Arthur, who is destined for greatest. "Heh, why become enemies with him when we could be friend and reap all the benefits to myself." ------------------------- Not sure where I am going with the story. The story might not be very progressive or have big climax. Might lean a little bit towards slice of life. Alot of mystery, but I will try to reveal them as the story goes on. Fantasy, Magic, Knight, Middle Earth, some harem. Main Lead is neutral evil, manipulative, and planner. (also op but lazy) Writing for fun and whenever I have passion for it. My first time trying it out so don't expect too much or nothing at all.

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Dark_Reality
Dark_RealityLv4Dark_Reality

Okay first off please use Grammarly or ProWritingAid as there are a lot of mistakes in the story which ruins the entire reading experience. Suggestion: (He called his best friend Andres to come because he was his best friend) No need for the second best friend as it is already implied they are best friends. The sentences are also really long try to space them out. There are some unique words which is good. If you do not improve the story many people will not continue to read it so my suggestion is to rewrite every chapter because the story can be good but if the writing is bad then readers will not stick around. That is the case with this one.

daoist_om
daoist_omLv4daoist_om

I like it,it's just the wall of text intimidates me more than anything,by any chance do you write in mobile, if you do then hats off I tried that and it takes a lot of effort, so yeah break the paragraphs more reedit the prologue i was scared as heck when I saw that wall of text. Other than that it's good novel I like it.

soulla
soullaLv1soulla

Hey there! Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to contact rebecca.review@outlook.com. A brief introduction, some sample charpters or links will be appriciated when reaching out.

DRACONIAN619
DRACONIAN619Lv13DRACONIAN619

I loved the story.i really like the direction the story is going in. Please don't drop the story. I loved how when i was reading it it made me feel like i was part of the story.

MishalZamir
MishalZamirLv4MishalZamir

Okay so now I've reviewed it. It seems like an intriguing novel and the story development is nicely done. Just try to use less commas and the vocab is also fine. The background design is so-so-Overall everything is done in a great manner (Well it isn't my genre but I read it for the review swaps) ;) Good luck DUN FORGET TO REVIEW MY NOVEL!

EldridSmith
EldridSmithLv5EldridSmith

I'm not that great at review, on_a_jeep is much better at it than I am, however I will say you're doing a good job, and to keep up the good work.

Omni237
Omni237Lv2Omni237

Thought it was a great novel would like for you to remove the wall of text will be well appreciated can't wait for the remaining chapters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!+++++++++++(

BabyTanuki
BabyTanukiLv5BabyTanuki

I like the idea. Also, very nice picture for the cover. The names of the people are very relatable and the setting seems interesting so far. I feel you do a good job balancing out the dialogue and the text . You really need to use Grammarly. You have many punctuation errors and run-on sentences. Another thing that will help you is if you split your paragraphs more. They are long and difficult to read. Before you write more, I strongly suggest running the past chapters through the website/program I talked about earlier. I know you will only get better with time! Go Author!

HavenlyJeep
HavenlyJeepLv5HavenlyJeep

Story Premise (3 out of 5): - Transmigration. Enough said. Writing Quality (3 out of 5): - I don't mind the grammar since you've said you're not that fluent in English. But, there's too much info dump in the first few chapters. Split the paragraph into smaller sections. For example, make a rule that a paragraph consists of only three or four sentences at max. Use Google Docs to make sure you don't have missing commas and dots. Updates (5 out of 5): - Daily. Story Development (4 out of 5): - Pretty good so far. The pace is okay. But the long paragraphs make it hard too read. Reduce info dumps as much as possible. Character Design (3 out of 5): - I like to criticize on characters. So, there's not much description about the MC's looks and the people around him aside from the basics. The MC loves reading, so there's that. Other than the father (and Bernard), there's no one that I can get myself to look more into. Need more distinct traits are what I meant to say. World Background (4 out of 5): - Due to the info dump at the first few chapters, it's all been established. The surroundings need more descriptions.

Okika252
Okika252作者Okika252

This the author here I will shamelessly give myself five star this is my first book and English is not my first language so bear with me and try to tell me of where I am wrong and can improve and I will try to do so

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