Where I live

"Finally, I can sleep now," Zee said with excitement as he crawled slowly into his bed, preparing to sleep.

Jen, too, has already gone home. It had been a busy day for them as Zee had even participated in another commercial shoot before the drama shoot. They also visited Zee's mother, Mayen, earlier to have a late dinner.

Mayen also asked Chared, Zee's younger brother, to come over so they could have a family meal. However, Chared had a good reason not to attend, perhaps some lousy excuse he just made up. Excuses prevented him from showing up since he is uncomfortable with Zee around.

When all the food was set on the table, Zee and Jen took their seats. Mayen sat but continued trying to call Chared many times before they started eating.

"Why won't he pick up?" Mayen said as her phone continuously rang.

"He might be busy today with his ongoing cases," Zee said. "I'm sure he'll join us for a meal next time."

"I just want us to have a family meal once in a while. But I guess it's really hard to make it happen nowadays."

"I'll contact him, Auntie," Jen said as she grabbed her phone from her bag.

"It's fine, Jen. You guys should eat now. It was a busy day," Mayen replied. She stopped calling Chared and started eating too.

Their mother likes to have a meal with her two sons once in a while, even though she lives with Chared, and Zee's house is nearby. Sometimes she feels like she's all alone, but neither of her sons can see that.

"Take this with you before you guys go," Mayen said as she gave a basket full of food in Tupperware containers.

"You don't have to, Mom..."

"Thank you, Auntie. We'll finish it all," Jen cut off what Zee was about to say. "Thank you for the food. It was delicious as usual. We'll come back again next time, and I'll bring Chared along."

"Okay, be careful on your way home."

"We will. Good night, Auntie," Jen said as she closed the door.

Everything on their schedule had gone well as expected, except for the family meal.

Zee always exerts full effort during his work, and he acts diligently for every role and task assigned to him. Satisfied with the bustling day, it somehow gave him a reason to still live. As the night came, he was ready to have a long and peaceful sleep.

He's living alone in a studio-type condo unit on the 17th floor with two bedrooms. The one on which he is sleeping is slightly wider than the other. His house also has a large kitchen and bathroom. He sometimes spends time cooking his own food and learning more to level up his cooking skills.

His bedroom exuded neatness, adorned with touches of black and dark green as per his preference—a setting designed to facilitate a high level of sleepiness. This room, which had previously been painted in shades of white and sky-blue, had been a source of restless nights and wandering thoughts.

But now, the new look and design have allowed him to sleep better. Still, there are many times when he feels as if his life has no meaning at all, which keeps him wide awake and bored.

Even in his state of weariness, his mind continued to delve into thoughts that were both lonely and suffocating. To help him sleep faster, he would depend on a sleep-inducing medicine.

He's mother had expressed a desire to live with him and had suggested getting a larger place. However, Zee hesitated, concerned that this arrangement would inconvenience his mother.

He thought about how his mother might not get the rest she deserved if she had to cook and clean for him every day. With these considerations in mind, he gently pitched the idea of living independently for the time being.

But that isn't his only reason. He doesn't want his mom to know his secrets, especially not to become involved in what he does secretly.

His mom gave up after asking him a hundred times to live together. His mother decided to live with Chared instead, Zee's younger brother, who lives four blocks away from his home.

As he tucked himself in, he remembered that his brother's birthday was merely two days away. Contemplating an appropriate gift, the idea of giving him a car or mobile phone crossed his mind. But he thinks his brother might just be uncomfortable and reject it.

When they were kids, he and his brother were inseparable. Childhood memories of shared tooth-brushing rituals, video games, book reading, and whispered goodnights lingered in the recesses of his mind.

Yet those days were relics of the past, distinct from the present reality that now haunts him.

Remembering the past would sometimes make him cry, would sometimes make him emotional, and would make him crave some wine even if it's still dawn.