Nearly Lost Myself

Her eyes got used to the darkness slowly but surely. She did not see too well but just enough to feel comfortable. A thought ran through her head. It was something he had said in the car, right after the dinner.

"Say...," she spoke with a low and soft voice, trying not to sound nosey when she was solemnly interested. "You said you ran from your past when you came here."

He leaned forward in his chair and she could hear him take a heavy-hearted breath.

"Yes, I did. What do you want to know?" His voice was gentle and yet firm.

"Whatever you want to share."

Him leaning forward had brought them closer together and made her painfully aware of how much she had missed this. Being close to somebody and having a real conversation. Building a connection that ran a little deeper than just the bare surface.

He placed his elbows on his upper legs and held the bottle in between his fingers, swinging it lightly in a circular motion.

"Well," he then finally said, after probably having spend a short thought about what he really wanted to share. "I grew up in Alaska. Had a great childhood really. Loving parents, spoiled like crazy as an only child, pure nature right in my backyard." His hand stopped swinging.

"Then one day my parents came too close to said nature and got killed by a, you might have guessed it already, big fucking grizzly." A quiet scoff of disbelief came from within him. He looked down while he was talking, but continued to share his past with her.

"Nearly lost myself trying to hunt that beast down. Never found it though. A good friend of mine ultimately dragged me all the way across the States, just so I could let go of it and get a fresh start. That's how I landed here. But it was me running from everything that happened really..."

Victoria listened, aghast by the development of the story. She had not intended to unravel the sorrows he had buried deep within him. Her hand slowly reached over to him and after hesitating for a second, she laid it gently on his upper leg.

"I am sorry this happened to you."

She felt his hand softly laying down on hers, squeezing it lightly. "Don't worry. That was a long, long time ago." The dark had wrapped itself around them both like a cocoon, making her feel like she had known him for a lifetime. His warm thumb slowly traced shapes on the back of her hand, leaving a faint, tingling sensation on her skin.

"What about you?" He then asked her in his husky voice, looking up from their hands and over to her. She knew he remembered exactly what she had said. And now that he had told her so much about himself, she was not going to bounce that question. "Whatever you want to share," he then said, just like she had earlier.

"Mhm... I said I could not take the people in the city anymore. But it was only one person really." Victoria let out a small sigh. "My parents died in an accident, my only brother got killed shortly before that during his time in the military. With all of them gone, I was a little lost. Met this guy. Clung to him as if my life depended on it. I spend quite a few years with him never realizing how he treated me. Lost my friends over it, lost all my money over it, even jeopardized my job quite a few times."

Her voice got quieter over the course of her sentences. She had not expected to talk about it all so calmly. But her mind whirled around the feeling that Ethan's touch left on her skin. "Tried to get away from him multiple times but he... did not let me go, always found me."

His thumb stopped moving.

"He laid hand on you?"

"I guess he didn't... I don't know. I was probably just afraid that he would one day. It was psychological more than anything. "

"Fuck. That's rough. Sorry." Ethan squeezed her hand a little more.

"It's okay now. I left it all behind in Florida." Her mouth curved into a weak smile. "I guess we were both running... It's not a cowardly thing to do, is it?"

"Sometimes running has nothing to do with being a coward or weak. Nobody expects you to fight the ocean's rising tide, right?"

She stayed quiet. What he said had struck a nerve in her.

"And maybe running from a fight or flight situation is for the best, especially in these parts of the woods." His voice was gentle while he spoke as he slowly lifted her hand, cupping it in both of his and guiding it to his face. "But I will do everything in my power, no matter what it is, to protect you."

He had hushed the words into her hand, having his breath warm her fingers. She froze for a second as they looked into each other's eyes in the darkness and her cheeks started to feel hot. It could not have been that one beer but the way he had said those words made her feel like nothing could ever happen to her.

She felt safe, she felt like she had come home to the place she was destined to be at all along, and she felt like there must have been a reason for them to meet. Two people from somewhere else entirely, ending up in this little town.

"It's late..." he whispered into the silence, slowly letting go of her hand. "You should get some rest. It was a long day."

She looked at him, not having realized how heavy her eyelids had gotten while she had sunk into her own thoughts again. Her view unintentionally dragged over to the tree lines next to the house.

"Don't worry, I will stay here on the porch a little longer, making sure nothing finds its way back here."

Victoria would have never asked for a favor like that, but he had said it like it was no burden to him, not expecting anything in return. He did not even propose to come inside to wait, no. He was just going to sit right here so she had some peace of mind. The genuineness of his offer perplexed her. And if she was being honest with herself she would probably lay in bed, horrified by every little sound she heard outside if she was alone.

"You really don't have to," she said, slowly getting back up on her feet.

"I don't mind it, really."

"Thank you..." Her voice was quiet but she knew he had heard how grateful she was when he gave her a calm and warm smile. She tiredly smiled back and walked to the door where she stopped for a moment. Should she invite him in anyways?

"Good night, Victoria." His words seemed to be lingering in the air. She had waited for him to say something else, but he stayed quiet, not moving in his chair, looking into the darkness of the night.

"Good night, Ethan."