4. Chapter 4

About an hour after Amelia left, there was a knock at the door, and Teddy came in.

“Hey,” the cardio surgeon said, smiling at her, “How is she?”

“She has started moving a little,” Carina said, “But she’s still not awake. How are you?”

“Better than I have been the last three days,” Teddy said, shaking her head, “The viruses the kids bring home are the actual worst.”

Carina shook her head, having heard these complaints from lots of her friends, and yet part of her couldn’t wait for that because she was so ready to be a mom. She was about to say something else, but then she heard a noise coming from her wife.

“Maya,” Carina said, standing up so she could see her face better, “Bambina, hey. You are ok. Open those eyes for me.”

The blonde groaned, eyes opening a little.

“Hi,” Carina said, tears filling her eyes as she saw her wife’s eyes open, “Hi Bambina. I am so happy to see you.”

Maya looked confused as she looked at Carina, pain shooting across her face, “What…?”

“You were in an accident,” Carina said, “You have a lot of injuries so try to be still.”

“Who…?” Maya asked, throat sore, “Who are you?”

“What do you mean?” Carina asked, fear and panic filling her body, Teddy immediately going to tell the nurses to page Amelia before coming back to be there for Carina.

“Who are you?” Maya asked, “Where is my dad? He is going to be so mad. I am supposed to be training. I need to go train.”

Maya tried to sit up before gasping as pain shot through every part of her body, forcing her back down.

“Hi Maya,” Teddy said, stepping in to intervene for what was becoming a very bad situation very quickly, “I’m Dr. Altman. That is Dr. Deluca. You had a bad accident, and you need to be still.”

“It hurts so much,” Maya said, tears flowing down her cheeks, “I need to talk to my dad. He is going to be mad. Where is he?”

“Dr. Deluca is going to go find him,” Teddy said, seeing how terrified and panicked Carina was starting to get, “Right, Dr. Deluca? Carina?”

“What?” Carina said, coming out of the panic spiral that was starting, “Oh. Um, your dad. Right. I will just…”

Amelia came in just then.

“Alright,” the neurosurgeon said, “Bishop, let’s see how that head is…What happened?”

Amelia looked around the room, seeing Carina holding back tears and Teddy trying to keep Maya from moving around.

“I…I can’t,” Carina said, walking over to the door, clearly torn about leaving, the Italian just sliding down the wall in the corner nearest the door, head in her lap.

“She is asking for her dad,” Teddy said, pulling Amelia aside, “And she had no idea who Carina is.”

“Ok,” Amelia said, going over to give Maya a check as Teddy went over to Carina, wrapping her arms around her friend.

“It’s ok,” Teddy said as Carina just sobbed silently, “It could be so many things. She’s going to remember who you are. You are Maya and Carina.”

Carina just shook in Teddy’s arms, tears running down her cheeks. They sat there, Teddy watching Amelia do the neuro checks on Maya. After a few minutes, Amelia walked back over to them.

“I gave her some more pain meds, and she’s asleep again,” Amelia said, sitting down on the other side of Carina, wrapping her arm around her friend, “Carina, are you alright?”

“Why doesn’t she know who I am?” Carina asked, “And why does she want her dad? Do you think I am ok when my wife is asking for her abuser and has no clue that she is my wife?”

“Well, it could just be a side effect from the meds and the coma,” Amelia said, “All her physical checks were perfect, which is good. I am going to schedule an MRI just to make sure we didn’t miss anything yesterday. She was still really out of it so I am hoping it’s just the drugs still working their way out of her system.”

“All I wanted was for her to wake up,” Carina said, wiping at her tears that were still flowing, “And now…I just…”

“Hey,” Amelia said, cutting her off, “She is going to get through this, and so are you. She is strong, Carina.”

The OB nodded, leaning her head on Amelia’s shoulder.

“Shit,” Amelia said, feeling her pager going off, “My car crash victim started seizing in CT. I’ve gotta go.”

Carina moved, letting her friend up.

“Do you want to go take a walk?” Teddy asked, knowing how suffocating it could be to be stuck in a hospital room with a spouse.

“I can’t leave,” Carina snapped, tears filling her eyes again, “I can’t leave.”

“Ok,” Teddy said, “Ok. You don’t have to leave.”

They just sat there for a few more minutes before Carina got up, walking back over to her place at the side of her wife’s bed.

“Bambina,” Carina said, taking her hand, “I need you to come back to me.”

Carina sat down, just clinging to Maya’s hand as she laid her head down on the bed, tears still running down her face.

Teddy was about to go over and comfort her friend when Link walked in. He was about to say something when he looked over, seeing what was happening and looking questioningly at Teddy. Teddy nodded to the hall, Link following her.

Carina barely even noticed anything happening with her friends, all her attention focused on Maya, her mind running as she watched her wife sleep. Would she ever get her back? What if the Maya she had been so in love with was gone forever? Her wife was the only family she had left, the only person who truly understood her, loved her, and knew her. They were building a future, and if Maya didn’t know who she was, what would happen?

Carina had been expecting Maya to wake up, for her to maybe be groggy, confused about the accident, probably in a lot of pain. She had even, for a few minutes, allowed herself to think about what would happen if Maya never woke up, but having no idea who she was, that had never crossed Carina’s mind.

She was trying to be hopeful, to believe what Amelia said that it was just her meds wearing off, but she was scared. She moved her position, pulling her knees up into the chair she was in, wrapping her arms around her legs as she rested her head on her knees, not wanting to touch Maya right now, not wanting to let herself feel that comfort that she might have to learn to live without.

“Hey,” Link said as he came in with Teddy, “Is now an ok time?”

“I guess,” Carina said, shrugging, not moving.

“I just wanted to let you know that the new x-rays of her hand showed that she had fractures in four carpals, three metacarpals, and hairline fractures in her ulna and radius near the wrist,” Link said, pulling up the x-rays, “I’m going to put her in a removable splint because of all the cuts and bruises, and when she starts getting more mobile and the big cuts heal, we might talk about something more solid. Everything should heal just fine, and then with a little strengthening PT, she should be good to go.”

Carina nodded, head still on her knees.

“I’m sorry for what’s going on,” Link said as he put the splint on Maya’s hand, “I can’t even imagine how hard it must be.”

Carina didn’t say anything, just staring at her wife. She knew she was being rude, but all she wanted was quiet and to have her wife back, but neither of those things were possible right now, and it was taking everything in her to not have a full breakdown.

Link finished up with her splint before leaving the room, Teddy slipping back in.

“Do you want the lights off?” she asked.

“I don’t care,” Carina said, voice sounding beyond exhausted.

Teddy flipped off the lights, recognizing the signs of sensory overload that Carina was showing. The cardio surgeon went over to Carina’s bag, hoping to find something that would help ground her. She pulled out the blanket she had seen Carina snuggled with on the couch on movie nights or the one time she had come over when Carina was sick. She carefully took the blanket, draping it over her friend.

Carina, who had been struggling with the feeling of her clothes on her skin flinched a little before realizing the blanket didn’t make her want to crawl out of her skin. She pulled off her shirt, glad she had thrown a tank on under it this morning, just wrapping the blanket around herself. Her skin still felt oversensitive, but for whatever reason, this was helping.

Carina had struggled with this level of sensory overload before, in the days following Andrew’s death and again around the one year anniversary of it. There were days when the only thing that didn’t cause her physical pain was laying on the bedroom floor in one specific sweatshirt of Maya’s and nothing else. She could sometimes only tolerate Maya laying near her, their hands barely touching, and other times, she could deal with a bit more contact.

Right now, she was too scared to seek out the comfort in her wife’s touch because if Maya didn’t remember her, she had no idea if she would ever get it again.

Part of her wanted to believe that if Maya never remembered her, that they would get to fall in love all over again, but the likelihood of that happening seemed infinitesimally small, especially because Maya seemed to think she was still in training for the Olympics.

Carina’s thoughts were all over the place, and she pulled the blanket over her head, just trying to make it stop. Teddy sat across from Carina, keeping an eye on both women, her heart breaking as she watched how uncomfortable Carina seemed, but she knew from her own experience that Carina probably did not need any more sensory input at this point.

“I’m here to take Maya Bishop-Deluca for an MRI,” a loud nurse who Teddy had never seen before said, coming into the dark, quiet room, startling both Teddy and Carina.

Carina stood up, grabbing her shirt because she didn’t feel like walking though the hospital in a tank top. It was uncomfortable, but the thought of leaving Maya was way worse.

The lights in the hallway and the noises of the hospital both made Carina want to run away, but she needed to be with Maya. Teddy walked with them, putting a hand on Carina’s back, only to have the Italian flinch away, not liking the extra input to her already taxed system.

They walked down the hall with Maya when all of a sudden, they heard someone calling Carina’s name, the Italian too focused on her wife to hear it.

“Hey,” Ben said, walking up to them, “I was here bringing something for Miranda, and I thought I would stop by and see how Captain was doing.”

“Now’s not really a great time,” Teddy said, stopping to talk to Ben as Carina continued on with Maya, “Maya woke up about an hour ago, and had no idea who Carina was. Amelia is hoping it’s just a weird side effect from the meds she was on, but she’s going to get an MRI just to make sure. Carina is having a really hard time right now, so maybe could you tell the rest of 19 to just wait a little bit longer? Amelia told me Andy and Travis are the only ones who have seen her, and I’m sure everyone wants to see her…”

“But her wife just needs some space because this is really hard?” Ben said, looking at Teddy, “I will keep 19 out of here until someone texts me and tells me otherwise. I know we are a lot.”

“And Carina loved all of you,” Teddy assured him, “She tells me all the time that she does, but right now, trying to process all of this is enough.”

“I understand,” Ben nodded, “Tell Carina we are all only a phone call away if she needs us.”

“I will,” Teddy nodded, “Thanks Ben.”

The former surgeon nodded, walking away as Teddy headed to imaging to see how things were going. Carina again insisted on being in the room with her wife, just standing at her feet, rubbing gentle circles there.

Once the MRI was done, they went back to Maya’s room to wait.

Amelia came in about twenty minutes later, looking pretty happy, “So, good news is, her brain is looking perfect. Nothing out of what I would expect. The place with the hematoma is healing beautifully. I want to wait to see what happens next time she wakes up though.”

“Do you think she will get her memory back?” Carina asked, rubbing her eyes.

“I don’t know,” Amelia said honestly, “All we can do right now is wait and see.”

Carina nodded, pulling her shirt off again, wrapping the blanket around herself, just needing control of something.

“Can I do anything, Carina?” Amelia asked, going over to her friend.

“Can you make my wife ok?” Carina asked, tears filling her eyes.

“You already know the answer to that,” Amelia said quietly, wishing she had more to offer.

“Then no,” Carina snapped, “There is nothing you can do.”

Amelia nodded, leaving the room again.

“You don’t have to stay, Teddy,” Carina said, looking at the other woman, “I am fine.”

“Eh,” Teddy said, “I’m gonna hang here for now. If I go home, I have to deal with the fact that I have three days’ worth of stomach flu laundry and cleaning that needs doing, so if I stay here, I can avoid it a little longer.”

Carina nodded, going back to her earlier position, curled up in the uncomfortable hospital chair. She sat there, not moving physically, though her mind was running almost as fast as her wife did in the Olympics a decade ago, for three hours before Amelia came back.

“Just wanted to do another check,” the neurosurgeon said quietly, coming into the mostly dark room where Teddy was reading in one chair, Carina just staring at her wife in the other.

“Mmhhh,” Maya groaned suddenly, drawing Amelia and Teddy to her bedside, Carina backing up a little, not wanting to go through her wife not knowing who she was again.

They all held their breath as they waited to see what Maya would say next.