5. Chapter 5

“Amelia?” Maya said, opening her eyes, looking at the neurosurgeon, “Where’s Carina? Where’s my wife?”

“You know who I am?” Amelia said as Carina walked back over to the bed.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Maya said, groaning a little, “Why does everything hurt?”

“Hi bambina,” Carina said, tears running down her cheeks, “Hi.”

“Hey,” Maya said, smiling as best as she could at her wife, her face sore, “What happened?”

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Amelia asked, typing on her tablet. “We were fighting an apartment fire,” Maya said, “Did I get hurt in the fire?”

“No,” Carina said, “You were driving back to the station and there was an accident. You were injured.”

“My team?” Maya asked, pain getting to be pretty intense, but she needed some answers.

“Travis messed up his shoulder,” Amelia said, “And Vic has a concussion. Andy is a little beat up too, but you got the brunt of it.”

“Hurts,” Maya said, not having the energy to ask what was wrong with her, “Hurts so much.”

“I’ve got some meds to help,” Amelia said, nodding, “Just relax.”

“I’m right here Bambina,” Carina said, holding Maya’s hand, “I will be right here.”

“Are you starting to feel better?” Amelia asked, looking at Maya.

“Yeah,” Maya said, “But now I feel tired.”

“Sleep Bambina,” Carina said, “I will be right here when you wake up.”

“I love you, Car,” Maya said, the pain meds hitting her in full effect, her words slurring a bit.

“I love you too Bambina,” Carina said, smiling through the tears that were still streaming down her face, “Rest now.”

Maya fell back to sleep, her hand still clutching tightly to her wife’s. Once the blonde was asleep for sure, Carina burst into tears, startling both Amelia and Teddy who were talking quietly in the corner.

“What’s wrong?” Amelia asked, rushing over to her friend.

“I just…I don’t…I just…” Carina said, feeling her body going into a full blown panic attack.

“Ok,” Amelia said, holding Carina close, “It’s ok. Maya is ok. She knows who you are.”

Carina just struggled to breathe, her entire body shaking.

“Can you pull out the cot?” Amelia asked, knowing it would probably help to get her laying down.

Teddy put the portable bed near Maya’s bed, Amelia helping Carina lay down, the Italian’s hand glued to her wife’s.

“Carina,” Amelia said, rubbing her friend’s back, “Hey. Can you hear me? I am going to start a breathing exercise. I want you to try to follow, ok?”

Carina just kept struggling to breathe, Amelia going through a few rounds of a breathing technique before looking at Teddy.

“Want me to go get something to calm her down?” the cardio surgeon asked, knowing Carina had been struggling all day.

“Carina?” Amelia said, trying to get any kind of response from her friend, only to continue to get sobs and rapid breathing, “Hey, if you can hear me, blink once.”

Amelia got no response, Teddy watching the whole thing.

“I’ll be right back,” she said, leaving the room.

“Carina, Teddy is going to get you something for the anxiety,” Amelia said, not totally sure her friend could hear her, but wanting to tell her all the same, “Maya is good. She is safe and she know who you are and she is ok.”

“I…” Carina said, starting to come out of the panic attack a little, “She…”

“Hey,” Amelia said, “Whatever is happening in your brain, it’s fine. I am going to count out some box breathing. Follow me if you can.”

Carina tried as hard as she could to follow Amelia, but her mind was too scattered, her body to out of her control, and she slipped back into a full panic attack.

Teddy walked back in a few minutes later with a few pills as well as a syringe.

“I wasn’t sure if she would be good with pills or not,” Teddy said.

“I think we are going to have to do an injection,” Amelia said, still rubbing her back, “Carina, we are going to give you something to help you calm down. I’m going to put it in your hip.”

Carina didn’t respond at all, Teddy helping Amelia prep the hit for the injection, only flinching slightly as the needle went in.

“Ok,” Amelia said, going back to her place comforting her friend, “That should start to work any minute, and then you are going to get some rest.”

As the meds started to work, Carina’s body started to calm down, opening her eyes and looking at her friends.

“Hey,” Teddy said, smiling at her, “You ok?”

“No lo so,” Carina mumbled, rubbing her eyes, “Sorry.”

“No apologizing,” Amelia said, “Shit. I’m getting paged. Just sleep, ok?”

“Thank you,” Carina nodded, eyes heavy after the meds.

“I’m going to give you some fluids,” Teddy said, walking over to Carina with a kit, “Just to make sure you wake up feeling better.”

Carina nodded, Teddy quickly starting a line, Carina falling asleep as Teddy got the fluid bag hung up. Teddy grabbed Carina’s blanket, draping it over her before turning off the lights and sitting back in the chair to keep an eye on both of them. About an hour later, Bailey walked in quietly.

“What happened?” she asked, seeing the fluids Carina was getting.

“She had a full blown anxiety attack that she couldn’t come out of,” Teddy said, looking up from her charts, “Amelia and I gave her something to help, and she’s barely put anything in her body all day so we thought fluids would help her wake up feeling better.”

“What caused the anxiety attack?” Bailey asked, “I heard from Shepard Bishop was doing better? I was going to stop by earlier today, but I just kept getting pulled into meetings and then back to back emergency surgeries.”

“Maya woke up and knew who Carina was this time,” Teddy said, “But I think the past day and a half all hit her at once, and it was a lot. She was on the edge of having a full breakdown all day, but I think the relief of having her wife know who she was pushed her over.”

“Poor Carina,” Bailey said, shaking her head, “I can’t even imagine what this is like for her. If you want to take off, I am technically not working right now, but there are a few cases I want to stay close for.”

“Thanks,” Teddy said, “I probably should go home. Owen’s had the kids all day. I can come back and take the night shift though.”

“I think Pierce said she would come tonight,” Bailey said, “She’s working on some research and said this would be the perfect place to get it done. You should go home and get a good night sleep.”

“Thanks,” Teddy nodded, “Text me if anything happens.”

Bailey nodded, settling into the chair Teddy had been occupying.

“I will,” the chief promised, “Now get out of here.”

Teddy walked out as Bailey turned to look at the two other women in the room. She glanced at the monitors attached to the injured firefighter, happy that all the numbers looked pretty normal. Her blood pressure was a little on the low side of normal but not enough to worry Bailey. She also looked over at Carina, the brunette clutching her wife’s hand as if her life depended on it even in her drug induced sleep. Bailey knew the feeling all too well. There were times when Ben had had close calls that she couldn’t stand to be away from him for a good 24 hours, and it had never ever been anywhere close to this bad. Bailey let herself relax a little, having only told one of her nurses she was staying in the hospital and only to come get her if any of her patients started to crash. About two hours later, Bailey heard movement from the other side of the room, opening her eyes to see Maya moving a little. “Hey, Bishop,” Bailey said, walking over to her, “How are you feeling?” “Like shit,” Maya said, “Everything hurts.” “Do you need more meds?” Bailey asked, checking everything.

“No,” Maya said, “It hurts, but it’s not too bad.”

“Alright,” Bailey said, nodding, “Do you need anything?”

“Is Carina asleep holding my hand?” Maya asked, feeling the pressure on her hand.

“She is,” Bailey nodded, “She was having a little bit of a rough time, and ended up needing some meds to calm her down.”

“What the hell happened?” Maya asked, going to pick up her right hand to rub her eyes only to find it completely wrapped in a splint, “How did I end up here? And how long was I out?”

“You were in an accident,” Bailey said, “Ben told me a car flew through the air and hit the engine directly where you were sitting. You were pinned for a while, but they got you out, brought you here, and you had pretty extensive surgery. You had a brain bleed, punctured lung, metal in your abdomen that cost you a kidney, about a foot of intestine, and landed in your aorta.”

“I lost a kidney?” Maya said, trying to fight the tiredness that being awake was causing, “And did you say aorta? How the hell am I alive?”

“A miracle?” Bailey said, “The metal stayed put and kept you from bleeding out. You also severed your femoral artery. They had to basically replace your entire blood volume and then some. And you have some broken bones in your hand and half a dozen or so ribs too. You were out for close to 36 hours, but when you first work up, you didn’t know Carina, and you were asking for your dad.”

“Poor Carina,” Maya said, sighed a tiny bit as she gently squeezed her wife’s hand as she yawned.

“Go back to sleep,” Bailey said, “Your body has been through a lot. You need rest.”

Maya almost nodded, but the pounding in her head told her that was not a good plan. Instead, she just let her tired eyes slip closed again. Three hours later, Carina woke up with a start, forgetting where she was for a second before remembering where she was. She sat up, looking over at her wife.

“Hey,” Bailey said, looking at Carina, “How are you feeling?”

“Weird,” Carina said, rubbing her eyes, “Has she been up at all?”

“A few hours ago,” Bailey nodded, “She was awake for a few minutes, asking about what happened. She seemed totally with it. Or as much as she could considering how many pain meds are in her right now.”

“Was she in a lot of pain?” Carina asked.

“She said she was hurting,” Bailey nodded, “But she didn’t want extra pain meds.”

“Car,” Maya mumbled, drawing Carina’s attention back to her wife.

“Hi bambina,” Carina smiled, moving closer to the head of the bed, “I’m right here.”

“Hi,” Maya said, smiling at her as best as she could, “Bailey told me what happened. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”

“No,” Carina said, shaking her head as tears filled her eyes, “No, you don’t apologize for that. I am just happy you are back.”

“I could never leave you,” Maya said, taking Carina’s hand. Carina leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to Maya’s dry lips.

“How are you feeling?” Carina asked.

“Everything hurts,” Maya said, groaning a little, “But I am ok.”

“We can get you more pain meds,” Bailey offered, knowing both from her husband and her own experience with the fire captain that Maya was not one to admit when she was in pain.

“Not yet,” Maya said, “Can I have a drink?”

“No,” Carina said, “Did Dr. Bailey tell you that you had to have part of your intestine removed?”

“Yeah,” Maya said.

“Well, that needs to rest and heal a little before anything can go in you again,” Carina said, looking down at Maya’s stomach, “There is a tube in your nose keeping your stomach empty. It will just be a few days, just so you have some time to recover.”

“This sucks,” Maya said, going to take a deep breath only to be met by the pain of her broken ribs, “How long am I going to have to stay here?”

“We don’t know yet,” Bailey said, “Probably at least a week or two, maybe longer if you have complications. We are just going to take it one day at a time. I need to step out to go check on a patient. Are you both ok?”

“Yeah,” Maya said as Carina nodded.

“Just hit the call button if you need anything,” Bailey reminded them as she left.

“How is my team?” Maya asked, looking at her wife, “I think I asked earlier, but I don’t remember.”

“You were still pretty out of it then,” Carina said, “And you have a concussion. Andy is ok. Some pretty big cuts, but they just needed stitches. Vic has a concussion and Travis did a lot of damage to his left shoulder, but everyone, including you, should make a full recovery.”

“Are you ok?” Maya asked, looking at her wife, knowing from the look on her face that the answer was no.

“You are the one in the hospital bed with multiple broken bones and other severe injuries and you are asking me if I am ok?” Carina said, tears filling her eyes as she chuckled a little.

“I am being taken care of,” Maya said, shrugging, “They’ve got tubes and wires and more things than I knew were even possible all making sure I am ok, but you are hurting too.”

“It has been a lot,” Carina admitted, sitting down carefully on the edge of Maya’s bed, “But my friends have all been here making sure I am taken care of. The only thing that matters right now is that you know who I am and are doing well.”

Maya just gently put her hand on Carina’s, squeezing it as hard as she could.

“I’m so sorry I put you through all of this,” Maya said, glancing over and seeing the blanket on the cot, knowing Carina used that when she was the most overwhelmed, “And after everything with your brother…”

“You were in the same trauma room as him,” Carina said quietly, tears streaming down her face, “And I thought…I thought I was over it…But seeing you there…”

“It was triggering,” Maya said, tears in her own eyes, “Come here.”

“I can’t,” Carina said, shaking her head, “I will hurt you.”

“I hate this,” Maya said, taking a deep breath only to have pain soar through her chest, causing her to gasp.

“Ok,” Carina said, brushing her hand over Maya’s cheek, “You need more pain meds.”

“I’m ok,” Maya said, breathing more shallowly to keep ribs from burning, “I just have to get used to not taking deep breaths which is a little funny because you have spent two years trying to get me to take deep breaths.”

“Well, 7 broken ribs, one of which punctured your lung, exempts you from deep breaths for a while,” Carina said, kissing Maya’s cheek, “You promise to tell me if the pain gets worse?”

“I will,” Maya said, “What is on my head?”

“You have a monitor in your brain to keep an eye on your intercranial pressure,” Carina said, “Amelia said if nothing else happens, she can take it out in a few days. She was worried about a rebleed.”

“I’m tired,” Maya said, yawning.

“Then sleep,” Carina encouraged, “I will be right here. I promise, I’m not leaving.”

“I love you, Car,” Maya said, eyes slipping shut.

“I love you too Bambina,” Carina said, smiling as her wife drifted off to sleep.

Carina just sat there, staring at her sleep. She was exhausted, even after sleeping the afternoon away after the meds from Teddy and Amelia. Her body was sore from not moving around a lot the past few days, her eyes achy from all the crying, and yet she couldn’t make herself move from her place next to Maya.

She was still so scared that the second she left this room, Maya would start hemorrhaging or seizing or go into spontaneous cardiac arrest. She needed to pee, but decided to just wait until someone came back.

Instead, she just looked Maya’s body over again. She was covered with a blanket because with all her injuries, clothes was impossible right now. Carina studied the cuts on her face, getting up, washing her hands before carefully applying the antibiotic cream to the cuts on her wife’s face.

She then pulled the blanket off Maya’s right arm, carefully putting cream on the cuts that weren’t covered in the bandages that had been used for the bigger ones. She also went over to her left arm, knowing there were some small cuts there as well.

She took a deep breath, pulling the blanket down on Maya’s chest a little, not enough to expose anything, but enough to see more scrapes on her wife’s chest. She knew that Maya’s legs were more protected because of her turnouts, meaning glass didn’t tear up the skin there.

Once Carina had put the cream on all the injuries she could see, she tucked the blankets back around Maya before sitting back down, grabbing her own blanket off the cot. She was feeling better than she had been earlier, but she still felt on edge and overstimulated. She wrapped herself in the blanket, putting her head down on Maya’s bed, just trying to get convince herself that her wife was fine, that she wasn’t her little brother, and that no matter how long it took, that she was going to be ok.

About an hour later, Bailey and Amelia both came in.

“Hey,” Amelia said, startling Carina little out of her thoughts, “Sorry, were you sleeping?”

“No,” Carina said, shaking her head, “Just thinking. What are you doing here?”

“Well, I let you skip breakfast and lunch today,” Amelia said, “So I convinced Bailey to go get you some good Italian pasta, and she was nice enough to get some for me too and I just finished a surgery so I am starving.”

“Car,” Maya mumbled, eyes opening again.

“Bambina,” Carina said, abandoning her conversation with Amelia to go back to her wife, “Hey, are you ok?”

“Hurts,” Maya groaned, trying to shift a little to get away from the pain only to have even more pain explode through her body.

“Ok,” Carina said as Bailey left the room to get some help, “Just be still, Bambina. We will get you something soon.”

Tears streamed down Maya’s cheeks as Carina spoke gently in a mix of Italian and English.

“It hurts Carina,” Maya said, trying not to cry too hard because that only made her ribs burn.

“Where does it hurt Bambina?” Carina asked, hoping maybe they could get some more directed pain treatment going.

“All over,” Maya sobbed, “Make it stop.”

“We will,” Carina said, heart breaking as she kept a hand on her wife’s cheek, “Just hold on.”

A nurse came in, giving Maya an injection into her IV.

“It should start working soon,” the nurse said, nodding, “I was just about to come give her her next round. I will make sure we bump up the timing of her meds.”

“Thank you,” Amelia said, knowing Carina was solely focused on getting Maya to calm down.

“Is that better, Bambina?” Carina asked, noticing Maya’s heartrate was coming down after spiking because of the pain.

“Yeah,” Maya said, blinking slowly, “Sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

“What?” Carina said, “Shouldn’t have told us you were in pain? That is exactly what you should have done. Pain is something doctors are very good at helping with.”

“Can you help me a little more?” Maya asked, words starting to slur as she got tired, “In your special way?”

Carina leaned down, giving Maya a kiss, getting a small smile from her wife.

“Now I feel much better,” Maya said, Carina putting a hand on Maya’s cheek.

“Do you need anything?” Carina asked gently.

“Can I have another blanket?” Maya asked, “I’m kinda cold.”

“I’ve got it,” Amelia said as Carina turned to look at her friend.

“Anything else?” Carina asked, knowing Maya was going to fall asleep soon with how much pain medication she just got.

“No,” Maya said, eyelids heavy.

Amelia came back in a minute later with a few blankets, Carina covering Maya with two of them.

“Thanks,” Maya said, eyes completely closed at this point, “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Carina said, giving her another small kiss, “And she is asleep. I hate seeing her in pain like that.”

“Hopefully it doesn’t happen again,” Bailey said, nodding as she and Amelia sat down to eat, “Though if it does, we might want to get another scan, just to check and make sure everything is still healing correctly.”

“I just wish I could take it all away,” Carina said, sitting back down in her chair, Maya’s fingers laced in her own.

“You need to eat,” Amelia said, getting up and grabbing Carina her food.

“I’m not really hungry,” Carina said, taking the container, just looking at it.

“I know,” Amelia said, “But you haven’t eaten since last night.”

“If you don’t eat, I will kick you out of this room,” Bailey said as Carina looked at her with a shocked look, “Don’t even try me. You know I will.”

“Fine,” Carina said, opening the container, taking a small bite.

She was a lot hungrier than she through, eating a little over half her food, chatting with her friends a little, though she was still struggling to stay out of her head.

“Carina,” Amelia said, drawing her attention, “Hey, you alright?”

“Yeah,” Carina nodded, pulling herself back to reality, “Have you seen my phone?”

“I plugged it in this morning,” Amelia said, going over to a table where the phone was, “Here. Woah, you have a million messages.”

Carina sighed, taking the phone. She had no desire to go through all the messages on her phone, going to Andy’s contact.

The lieutenant had texted her almost a dozen times during the day, mostly asking how she and Maya were doing and seeing if they needed anything. She texted Andy back, apologizing for ignoring her all day, telling her Maya was doing pretty well, all things considered, and that if she, or anyone else from 19 wanted to come by the following day, they were welcomed as long as they texted first.

She decided to just leave everything else, her mind too chaotic to try to answer any questions or respond to any messages.

“Hey,” Maggie said, walking in just then, “How’s it going?”

“She’s knocked out from pain meds,” Amelia said, gesturing to Maya before looking at Carina, “And this one needs to go to sleep.”

“I’m not that tired,” Carina said, yawning a little.

“Yeah, right,” Bailey said, shaking her head, “It’s almost 10 pm. I am going to go home.”

“And I am getting paged to the pit,” Amelia groaned, “I’ll come back in the morning for rounds.”

“And then there were three,” Maggie said, “Do you want to sleep, Carina?”

“I don’t know,” the Italian said, “I am going to go use the bathroom and brush my teeth and stuff. She’s been struggling with pain on and off all afternoon so I want to make sure she’s ok.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” Maggie said, “Winston is out of town and I am knee deep in a research idea so I’m not going to sleep much tonight. You, on the other hand, look like you could use some rest.”

“I slept this afternoon,” Carina said, yawning, “And last night.”

“And you have been through a lot in the past two days,” Maggie said, “Why don’t you just get ready and then lay down? No pressure to sleep. If you do, you do. If not, that’s ok too.”

Carina nodded, grabbing some pajamas and her toothbrush, going into the bathroom. She winced when she saw herself in the mirror, the dark circles under her eyes looking almost as bad as Maya’s. She knew the sleep that she had gotten had all been medication induced which for her never felt quite as good as normal sleep.

She quickly got ready for bed before going back into Maya’s room.

“I’ve got her tonight, Carina,” Maggie said, “I’ll wake you if anything happens.”

“Grazie,” Carina nodded, moving the clot back to its place, holding her wife’s hand.

“I love you Bambina,” Carina said, leaning over and giving Maya a gentle kiss before laying down and preparing herself for what she was pretty sure was going to be a long night.