36. Chapter 36

They both had a more restless night that night, Maya struggling with achiness as soon as her meds started to wear off, and while it wasn’t painful, it would wake her up. The first time she woke up, it was about three hours after she had fallen asleep. Her abs were aching and she couldn’t figure out why they were bothering her so much until she realized she had the hiccups. With every one, her rib would ache and her abs burn. She was trying to figure out how to not bother Carina while also getting herself more comfortable and maybe getting rid of the hiccups.

However, as she shifted a bit, she heard a groan from behind her.

“What’s wrong Bambina?” Carina asked sleepily.

“I have…hic…hiccups,” Maya said, groaning as everything ached, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s ok,” Carina said, waking up a little more, “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine,” Maya said, “It’s just that every time I…hic…hiccup, it makes my abs and ribs hurt…hic…ow.”

“Oh Bambina,” Carina frowned as Maya shifted a little, clearly trying to get away from her pain.

“And I don’t know how to make…hic…them stop because I normally just drink water, but I don’t have the desire to throw up again tonight,” Maya said, hiccupping again when she finished.

“Try holding your breath,” Carina said, running her fingers through Maya’s hair, “That is what my mamma always had us do.”

Maya nodded, taking as deep a breath in as she could before holding it. However, as she was holding her breath, she hiccupped again, letting her breath out.

“Maybe try one more time,” Carina said, not totally sure what else to do to help.

Maya nodded, trusting that her wife knew what to do. However, when a hiccup interrupted her breath holding again, she could feel herself getting frustrated.

“That isn’t working,” she said, trying not to get frustrated, “What else can I do?”

“I’m not sure,” Carina said, rubbing her hand up and down Maya’s arm, “Let me get my phone and see what it says online, ok?”

Maya nodded as Carina got out from behind her. With every hiccup, Maya gelt herself getting more and more frustrated as Carina started her google search.

“Well, most of these involve eating or drinking something,” the Italian said, scrolling through the suggestions, “Oh, this one…wait, never mind.”

“What?” Maya said, trying to get comfortable.

“These two are to compress your chest or hug your knees,” Carina said, looking at Maya.

“Yeah, that’s not even physically possible at the moment,” Maya said, shaking her head.

“Oh, this one says to try to exhale while pinching your nose and keeping your mouth shut,” Carina said, “So try to breath out when you can’t?”

Maya tried this three times, having no luck with getting the hiccups to stop.

“It’s not working,” Maya moaned as she hiccupped again, her body really not enjoying this typically harmless thing that at the moment was aggravating her injuries.

“Ok,” Carina said, scrolling through the page, “Oh, this one we will have to do at home.”

“What, does it say orgasms stop hiccups?” Maya asked sarcastically, looking at her wife.

“Si,” Carina said, nodding, “It actually does. It says a man had hiccups for four days, had an orgasm, and they stopped.”

“Well, I can’t have an orgasm right now,” Maya snapped before realizing her tone, “Sorry. This is just really uncomfortable.”

“It’s ok,” Carina said, going back to her wife’s side, picking up her hand, “This is a pressure point that it said might help.”

Carina pressed her thumb right into the middle of Maya’ palm, applying a good amount of pressure. She thought it had worked for a minute before Maya let out another hiccup, tears filling her eyes as it happened.

“Oh Bambina,” Carina said, leaning up and pressing a kiss to her cheek, “Ok. Let me try another one.”

“I don’t understand why this is happening,” Maya said, tears starting to run down her cheeks, “I’ve never had this happen before.”

“It’s possible that all the vomiting that has been happening could have caused it,” Carina said, brushing away the tears, “Or it could be from stress or nothing at all. Sometimes, hiccups just happen. Now, just relax and let me try this.”

Maya nodded, wiping at her tears as Carina gently started massaging the sides of her neck, pressing a pretty hard kiss to her lips while she did it.

The massaging faded, but Carina kept her lips on Maya’s the blonde deepening the kiss with her tongue. Carina smiled a little as she felt Maya’s hand slip under her shirt on her back, shivering a little bit as the blonde’s hand moved from her back around to her front.

“Bambina,” Carina said, pulling away a little, “We can’t do that here.”

“Why not?” Maya said, pouting a little bit.

“First of all, because anyone could walk in at any time,” Carina said, “And second of all, you are still healing and you haven’t been cleared for that.”

“I haven’t been cleared to use my good hand to touch my wife?” Maya said, raising her eyebrow.

“Bambina, we can’t,” Carina said again as Maya’s hand snaked back into her shirt, “It’s almost midnight. The nurse will be in soon to pass meds and we both need to sleep.”

“Fine,” Maya grumbled as Carina gave her one more kiss before pulling away.

“Do you want to lay on me again?” Carina asked, looking at her wife.

“Um…” Maya said, biting her lip, eyes stating to dart around the room.

“No, no, no,” Carina said, seeing Maya start to go into her head, “Talk to me, Bambina. I promise you that nothing you say is going to upset me, ok?”

“Ok,” Maya said, taking a breath, “I want you to hold me because I always want that, but I am really uncomfortable tonight and laying her on my own is making everything slightly less achy.”

“That’s ok,” Carina said, brushing a tear off her wife’s cheek, “Bambina, I want you to be comfortable and if laying on your own is what’s best tonight, that is great. I don’t like that you are so achy tonight, but it is probably because you did so much the past few days.”

“I know that’s what it is,” Maya said, trying to find the most comfortable way to lay, “I’m not in pain, it just feels like all my muscles are sore and overworked, which is stupid because I didn’t really do much with them.”

“But you literally did nothing with them for two weeks,” Carina said, shaking her head as she stood, “Being achy is normal.”

Just then, the nurse walked in, clearly trying to be quiet and not disrupt their sleep, a little surprised to find them both awake.

“Is everything ok?” she asked as she walked over to Maya’s IV pole.

“I woke up with hiccups,” Maya sighed, “Which is not particularly enjoyable when you have healing abs and broken ribs apparently.”

“I’m sure it’s not,” the nurse said, chuckling, “How is your pain and achiness feeling?”

“I mean, I don’t feel great,” Maya said, adjusting her position, “But I think I’m ok.”

“Well, you are able to have more pain meds if you want them,” the nurse said, “Just to help you be able to sleep.”

“Ok,” Maya said, nodding.

“I’ll be right back with that,” the nurse said as she finished with Maya’s other meds.

“Thank you,” Maya said, nodding as the nurse left.

“Do you think you are going to be able to fall back to sleep?” Carina asked, yawning a little as she sat down on the bed with her weighted blanket, knowing she was going to need it if Maya wasn’t acting as her weighted blanket.

“I think so,” Maya said, “But you should for sure go to sleep. You have your appointment tomorrow and you need rest. I can sleep all day if I need to.”

“I can stay up if you need me too,” Carina said, “I don’t want you to lay here spinning for hours.”

“I think once I get a little more pain meds, I’ll be able to sleep,” Maya said, “Close your eyes Car. I’m ok.”

Carina wanted to argue, but her eyes were so heavy that it was hard.

“I love you Bambina,” Carina said, reaching over and grabbing her wife’s hand.

“I love you too,” Maya said, as the nurse came back in.

“Hopefully this helps with some of the achiness,” the nurse said, pushing the med into Maya’s IV, “If you need anything else, let me know, ok?”

“Thank you,” Maya nodded, trying to get her body to relax.

“Close your eyes Bambina,” Carina said, rubbing her thumb over the back of Maya’s hand, “Try to sleep.”

“I am,” Maya said, feeling Carina move closer to her, “Goodnight Car.”

“Goodnight Bambina,” Carina said, squeezing Maya’s hand as she fell asleep.

It took Maya a little longer to get herself calmed down and comfortable enough to finally fall asleep again.

She woke up twice more before the morning, once around 3 from a nightmare, but she managed to both calm herself back down and also not wake Carina up.

She was probably awake for a good half an hour, but she did manage to fall asleep again, only to wake up at 5, her body aching and her thoughts racing. She knew she had her test today to see if she really did have gastroparesis and it made her anxious. The thought of her stomach not working how it should was pretty scary, and with how sick she got every time she tried to put anything in her stomach made her wonder if she would ever actually be able to eat anything without feeling sick.

She knew that if she ended up with a permanent feeding tube, her career was over. Everything up to this point, at least she was able to figure out in her mind how she would probably be able to work, but if she was dependent on a feeding tube…that was something she knew would take her out for good.

She tried to remember her conversation with Diane, about the fact that even if she couldn’t be a firefighter, that she still had Carina and that she would be ok. However, the uncertainty of it all made her so anxious that she was struggling to do that. She knew she had Carina, knew her wife would love her no matter what, but not knowing if she was going to ever set foot in her station as captain or a firefighter of any kind was scary.

And would they be able to move forward with their plans to grow their family if she was had such a major thing going on with her own health? That, she could at least see a way it would be able to happen, but it would just get a lot more complicated. Her mind felt like it was going about 100 miles per hour, and, for the first time since she got hurt, she had the urge to run as far and fast as she could.

She was trying hard to fight her body and her mind and calm herself down. She hated feeling like this and hated how she could swing from pretty much fine to struggling just to breathe from day to day.

She focused on her breathing, doing a breathing exercise that usually helped her calm down. It helped some and got her out of her head a bit, but she still felt stupidly on edge.

She looked over at Carina, seeing her wife curled up under her weighted blanket. It was then that Maya remembered Carina had her therapy appointment later in the day.

She knew that she needed to try to be strong for her and to make sure her wife had what she needed to get through another taxing therapy session. Maya was hoping that this round of EMDR would be shorter than the last one for Carina’s sake because of how tiring the sessions were. She was pretty sure it would be because the change she had seen in her wife in the last week was incredible.

It had taken much longer for noticeable progress to be made when Carina was working through her initial PTSD diagnosis, and Carina had said that it was possible that she wouldn’t need as many sessions this time.

Maya ran through some things she wanted to ask Vic and Travis to bring by later if they could to make sure Carina was taken care of. Last time, Carina had been so sick and miserable afterward, but she had also been actually getting sick so Maya was hoping today would be easier. She made a mental list, wishing she had her phone so she could just text them, but her phone was too far away and she didn’t want to take away any sleep from her wife, especially today.

Maya looked at the clock on the wall, seeing that it was a little after 6. Just then, the door opened, and her nurse came in.

“Hey,” she said quietly, “You’re already awake?”

“Yeah,” Maya said as the nurse grabbed some blood from her line before giving her her normal daily meds, “I’m just feeling a little anxious about the test I have to have done today.”

“Ah,” the nurse said, nodding, “Well, there’s nothing to worry about. We will make sure you have the rights meds to keep you feeling good and the test is very simple. You just drink this stuff that is the consistency of those bottled protein shakes and then every hour, we just collect a sample of your breath by having you breathe into a special container. That’s it.”

“Ok,” Maya said, rubbing her eyes.

“How are you feeling this morning?” the nurse asked as she checked Maya’s vitals, “I saw in your chart you were having some pain and achiness last night. Has that gotten any better or worse?”

“It’s not really better,” Maya said, “But it’s not worse.”

“Do you want another dose of medication to help with it?” the nurse asked.

“No,” Maya said, shaking her head, “No, I’m good. The only reason I had some last night was to let me sleep a little bit without getting woken up by achy muscles, but now that I don’t need to sleep, I’m good.”

“Alright,” the nurse said, “Well, just let me know if you change your mind. I know as you heal, things can get uncomfortable as you start getting them back to their precious activities.”

“I’m used to it,” Maya said, “The soreness and achiness I mean. I was an athlete for a long time and now I’m a firefighter so my body is often uncomfortable.”

“Ok,” the nurse said, nodding, “Well, like I said, if you want or need anything to take the edge off, just let me know. Dr. Grey will be around at 8 for rounds.”

Maya nodded, looking over at Carina who was starting to stir. Maya reached over, rubbing her back and trying to calm her back down as much as she could in hopes that it would keep her wife asleep a little longer. However, about five minutes later, Carina’s eyes opened.

“Good morning,” Maya said gently, brushing a piece of hair off her wife’s face. “

Buongiorno,” Carina mumbled, rubbing at her eyes, “How did you sleep?”

“Eh,” Maya shrugged, “Not amazingly well, but I’m ok. How did you sleep?”

“Pretty well I think,” Carina said, not really moving from under her weighted blanket, “I didn’t have any nightmares which is good. I’m still sleepy though.”

“You can go back to sleep,” Maya said, rubbing her back, “Meredith won’t be in for an hour and a half.”

“No,” Carina said, “Now that I’m awake, I’m too anxious to sleep.”

“Is there anything I can do?” Maya asked, frowning.

“No,” Carina said, “This is helping. Just being here in bed with you. How is your achiness this morning? Are you feeling better?”

“Um, not really,” Maya said, “But it’s not bad. I am just ready for my abs and ribs to go back to just being achy when I move wrong. I think I let Andy hug me a little too tight yesterday, but she really needed it so I’m not gonna complain.”

“You are a good friend Bambina,” Carina smiled, leaning over and giving Maya a small kiss.

“I wonder how Andy is doing this morning,” Maya said, “Knowing her, she is probably still sleeping.”

“I’m sure she is,” Carina chuckled, “She likes her sleep. I will text her later and check on her. I want to make sure the bleeding has stopped and she is feeling better.”

“I feel so bad that she is going through that,” Maya sighed, “I didn’t even know that was a thing that could happen. I feel like I have so much to learn before you get pregnant.”

“Well, you have plenty of time Bambina,” Carina chuckled, “I am not pregnant now nor do I plan to be for quite a while.”

“I think we should try to make an appointment to see their fertility doctor a month after I get discharged,” Maya said, “That will give me time to keep healing, but we both know it’s not going to be like it was for Andy and Robert. We are going to have to do a lot of steps to get pregnant, right?”

“Si,” Carina nodded, “There will be several steps. I will tentatively agree that we can make an appointment for a month after you get discharged, but we will only go to it if we have a good handle on your recovery at that point. I don’t want us to go to that appointment and have you still struggling to get a handle on all of this because that is going to be complicated and probably overwhelming and I don’t want either of us to feel like we are downing. Having a baby can happen whenever, but your healing is our priority, si?”

“Ok,” Maya agreed, “But if we do get to go in a month, how long do you think it will be before you are pregnant?”

“Well, we would have our consult,” Carina said, “And then lab work. Then, we would have to pick a donor and get ready for an egg retrieval. Which would involve hormone treatments and then the retrieval and then the embryos have to grow and we have to decide if we want to do a fresh transfer or frozen and then, I would be able to get the first embryo implanted. The whole thing will probably take 2-3 months after the first appointment if everything goes exactly right. Why is this suddenly so important to you?”

“I don’t know,” Maya said, shrugging, “It just feels like it is something that doesn’t revolve around me getting 100% better like going back to work does. I just want something to think about that’s not work. Plus, I was actually really looking forward to our appointment and to getting the ball rolling in starting to grow our family and I don’t want that to be another thing this accident messes up for us.”

“Ok,” Carina nodded, “Well, I am excited to grow our family too. I think you are going to be an excellent mommy.”

“I’ll maybe be ok,” Maya said, “But I’ll have you to make sure I don’t completely mess up our kids.”

“Kids?” Carina said, “As in more than one?”

“Well, I just thought…” Maya said, trying to backtrack, clearly getting anxious that she said something wrong.

“Calmati Bambina,” Carina said, sitting so she could see Maya’s eyes, “I just didn’t realize you wanted more than one. I would love it if we didn’t just have one bambino. Siblings are important.”

“Did we just agree to have at least two children?” Maya asked, looking at her wife.

“I think we did,” Carina nodded, smiling as she leaned down, pressing a kiss to Maya’s lips.

“Maybe we should practice,” Maya said between kissed, “You know, just to make sure everything is in working order.”

“Bambina, I told you last night, we cannot do that here,” Carina said, attempting to pull back only to have her wife use her good hand to pull her back.

Maya just kept attempting to deepen the kiss until suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

“Good morn…oh, sorry,” Jo said, immediately turning to leave.

“No,” Carina said, immediately pulling away from her wife, “Sorry. Come in.”

“You sure?” Jo asked, looking at them.

“No,” Maya grumbled, Carina giving her a look.

“Yes,” Carina said, “Ignore her.”

“I was just brining breakfast,” Jo said, “I got you that omelet you like from the place near my house that we go to sometimes. Oh, and coffee of course.”

“Grazie,” Carina smiled, getting up and going over to Jo, “You can stay.”

“How are you guys doing?” Jo asked, “Maya, I hear things are trending in the right direction?”

“Yeah,” Maya said, having gotten over her frustration from being interrupted, “Hopefully, I get to get of dialysis today and then then I have a test for gastroparesis at some point, but I am getting better and better at walking which is good.”

“They think you have gastroparesis?” Jo winced as she pulled out her own breakfast, “That sucks. But I guess with all the abdominal trauma you had, it makes sense. But getting off dialysis, that’s huge.”

“Si,” Carina nodded, taking a bite of her food, “It’s like all her kidney needed was for her body to kick c. diff and then it decided to start working. How have things been in my department?”

“Things have been good,” Jo said, “Mrs. Jones had her triplets yesterday and they are all doing really well. They were…”

“Six weeks early,” Carina said, knowing exactly who Jo was talking about, “Did she get preeclampsia? She had that with her last pregnancy.”

“Actually, no,” Jo said, “Baby C decided she was done being stuck inside with her siblings and broke her water. The delivery was smooth and the babies are all doing well in the NICU. Last night when I checked, one of them was on low supplemental oxygen and the other two were breathing on their own.”

“Good,” Carina said, smiling.

The three of them chatted for about another half an hour before Jo had to head to work.

“Bambina, how are you doing?” Carina asked, looking over at her wife, noticing she looked like she needed something.

“Can you help me to the bathroom?” Maya asked, “My kidney is clearly still working.”

“Of course,” Carina nodded, getting up.

They had gotten much better at this routine of getting Maya up and out of bed without much fuss. Carina was happy her wife was able to stand up without assistance this morning, the blonde clearly moving a little easier this morning than she did last night.

Carina made sure Maya was able to sit down before giving her some privacy. She went over to her bag as her wife was using the bathroom, grabbing out some clothes for the day. She took out one of Maya’s t-shirts and a pair of leggings, deciding she wanted to be comfortable today.

She was going to change, but then she remembered Maya mentioning she wanted a shower today so she decided to hold off, hoping they could get the shower done before she had therapy. She left her clothes on the couch before going back over to the bathroom as she heard the toilet flush.

“Bambina, are you done?” Carina called, knocking on the door.

“Yeah,” Maya called as Carina opened the door. She was shocked when she saw her wife standing at the sink washing her hands.

“Bambina, look at you,” Carina smiled, “I am so proud of you.”

“I just walked to the sink,” Maya shrugged as she washed her hands.

“That is big that you feel confident enough in your body to do that on your own,” Carina said, “Those are the kinds of things that are going to get you closer to going home.”

“All I want is to go home,” Maya said, grabbing her cane and walking back toward the bed, “The thought of sleeping in our bed without tubes and wires and people checking on us all the time sounds like heaven.”

“We will be home soon, Bambina,” Carina said, making sure Maya got herself seated safely, “I don’t know exactly when, but I know you have been here for 13 days, and you will not be here for 13 more days unless something drastically changes.”

“Has it really only been that long?” Maya asked as she got herself back into bed, Carina helping her shift back to her side of the bed.

“Si,” Carina nodded, “Though, you were barely conscious for the first week.”

“It feels like it’s been a month,” Maya said, rubbing her eyes, “I want to go home.”

“Soon,” Carina promised, giving Maya a small kiss, “We will go home soon.”

“Can I have my phone?” Maya asked.

“Si,” Carina said, handing it to her, “Do you need help sending a message?”

“No,” Maya said, opening her phone, “I’ve got it. I’m just gonna see if Trav and Vic want to come hang out while you are at therapy.”

“Ok,” Carina nodded, getting up and going to the bathroom.

When she came out, Maya had put her phone away and was just looking out the window.

“What are you thinking about Bambina?” Carina asked, going over to the bed.

“I don’t know,” Maya said, “Just thinking.”

“I’m glad you decided to set up an appointment with Diane,” Carina said, sitting back down next to her wife.

“Why?” Maya asked, not disagreeing but just wondering.

“I can tell you need it,” Carina said, pulling her weighted blanket back up over her body, “Your brain is very loud.”

“Sorry,” Maya said, biting her lip.

“You don’t need to be sorry,” Carina said, “You have a lot going on. It is a lot to deal with, and I know how hard that is. I am glad you feel comfortable enough to know that it is hard and that you can’t do it by yourself.”

Just then, there was a knock at the door and in came Meredith Grey.

“Good morning Bishop-Deluca’s,” the general surgeon said, a big smile on her face.

“Good morning,” Maya said, “I’m hoping that smile on your face means good things?”

“Very good things,” Meredith said, “Your kidney numbers are looking so much better today than they have. I am going to officially take you off dialysis. You are still going to be on a few medications to help your kidney and we are going to need to do regular labs, but I am confident that kidney is going to make a very nice recovery.”

“That is great,” Carina said as tears welled up in Maya’s eyes, “Oh Bambina.”

“I’m just happy,” Maya said as tears started running down her face, “I didn’t think it would really happen.”

“Well, it is happening,” Meredith said, smiling as she watched the two wives embrace, “I can take the catheter out right now. You won’t be able to get it wet for 48 hours after and then you will be good.”

“Oh, she wanted to shower,” Carina said, remembering that, “Is there any way we could just wrap the catheter, take a shower, and then have it taken out later?”

“Of course,” Meredith nodded, “That’s just fine. I’ll come back in like an hour and take it out. Is that enough time?”

“It should be,” Maya nodded, wiping her tears, “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Meredith nodded, “Now, about the gastroparesis test. I want to start that soon. I am going to have the nurse start the anti-nausea meds and then in about half an hour, we are going to start the test. All you will have to do is drink this drink with something in it that allows us to track it in your breath as your body absorbs it. It is a very simple test and we will make sure you have meds so you don’t get sick, ok?”

“Ok,” Maya said, trying to keep her breathing even, desperate not to let herself get this worked up over a stupid drink, “How long does the test last?”

“About six hours,” Meredith said, “And the results are pretty fast so we should know the results by tonight.”

“Ok,” Maya nodded, Carina holding her hand, trying to calm her down, “Sounds like a plan.”

“Alright,” Meredith said, heading toward the door, “I’ll be back in an hour to get that catheter out. Maya, your progress is amazing. I wish all my patients did as well as you.”

“Bambina, that is such big progress,” Carina said, smiling at her wife, “You have a working kidney!”

“I know,” Maya said, smiling as Carina gave her a kiss, “It’s like the little kidney that could.”

“Si,” Carina laughed, “Your body really put it through a lot.”

When Carina looked back at her wife, she saw tears streaming down her face again.

“Bambina, what’s wrong?” Carina said, a little bit alarmed.

“I don’t know,” Maya said, sobbing, “I just…it finally feels like I’m really getting better…like maybe this will end one day…I just…I don’t know…”

“Bambina, it’s ok,” Carina said, hugging her as best as she could without hurting her, “I know this has been so hard and you have been so scared and trying to be so brave. Just let these emotions out, ok?”

Maya cried for another few minutes before pulling away.

“I’m ok,” Maya said, sniffling a little, wiping at her eyes.

“Si,” Carina nodded, giving her another kiss, “You are going to be just fine.”