Chapter 3

But well today was as usual hard, tiring, sad, empty.

I think I'm going to read because well I finished "A Date with Faet" a transgender novel.

It's sad and am I coming out or not?

I don't know I'm afraid to do it to my family but like for real kind really I don't know they will surely not believe me I don't know..

The last time my big sister harassed me with messages that I was trans, I denied she replied "I hope not" it's hurtful.. it made me cry for a while a long time and I was in terrible pain all day.

I love sleeping... you forget about everything, everything, everything and everything just sleeping it would be cool to sleep and wake up a cis woman hopefully every night...

I don't like it...i'm scared i feel too bad please help i can't take it anymore...i feel so bad after reading this story about the trans teenager i'm just tired i've still dark thoughts but hey, today is the day of the Lord!!

I'm starting to lose my faith frankly, I force myself but hey, it's for my family who are very religious.

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My big sister really provoked me and started hitting me but I was already exhausted before I came home suddenly I hit her too I poured out my jealousy, my hatred and my sadness but I held myself back anyway and fortunately.

My mother came and started hitting me like it was my fault, I screamed, it pissed me off, made me sad, I told them that I could take more of them they never helped even during the fact that I was sexually assaulted and harassed.

After that I came out she told me that I was a boy and that it wouldn't change, she started talking about suicide, that she was in pain because of me, praying and saying that why it happens to her…

it really hurt me, I couldn't even look her in the eye.

She didn't accept me, but to reject it really hurts me a lot, but I already knew that.

I'm so sorry I couldn't even be myself ahaha in this house.