Chapter 2

I have seizures, everything comes and goes in my head. I can't take it anymore, it's too hard, I think a lot about suicide, I made another suicide attempt.

I have gender dysphoria since my childhood I am a girl, I know a lot of people are transphobic.

I lost a lot of fake friends, it's going to be too hard to be a trans woman in the future.

I feel like everyone is going to put me down, I'd be at the bottom of the ladder and that really scares me.

I lose my motivation for anything I can't be happy or feel emotions I drink hard alcohol so I can feel happiness.

I continue to withdraw into myself.

I'm angry for what was done to me and how it ruined my sense of identity, my sense of myself.

Angry at the childhood I missed, the experiences of growing up as a girl that were stolen from me. It was all gone forever and I am angry, sad, disappointed, ashamed, disgusted, dreamy and feel extremely bad about this loss. I want to spend my teenage years like all normal girls, want to be a normal girl with nothing, no problems, be happy like a girl for all to see, be able to enjoy doing "girly" things without being judged, beaten, insulted or disgusted about myself, i want to be cute, wear nice clothes, skirts, heels, do my nails, do my makeup etc.