Emergency Rations

The movie played on, though I couldn't concentrate much with my mother snuggled up against me. She was practically glued to my side, her warmth seeping through the thin barrier of my shirt while I sat stiffly, trying to pretend this was all perfectly normal. My eyes stayed fixed on the screen, but my mind was all too aware of her head resting on my shoulder, her soft breaths tickling my neck.

Just as I was starting to zone out, her voice broke through my focus. 

"Luca, give me your arm."

I didn't even look away from the movie. My eyes remained glued to the flickering screen as I said with a deadpan look on my face, 

"Sure, let me grab a knife. I'll just chop it off for you. Nice and easy."

"Nooo! That's not what I meant, Luca!" She let out an exaggerated gasp, her pout practically audible. 

Finally, I turned my head slightly, giving her a sideways glance filled with mock irritation as I asked, 

"Then what do you mean, Mom? Make it quick since I'm trying to watch a movie here...The main guy is about to get caught in his affair, and I don't want to miss it."

"I want you to hold out your hand so I can hug it, Luca. Your mother is cold, and she needs something to warm her up in this rainy season." She puffed out her cheeks and huffed like she was only asking for something that she owned.

I blinked at her, lips curling into a disbelieving smirk. "You're cold?" My gaze dropped towards the blanket wrapped snugly around her and highlighting the curves of her body. "How can you be cold when you already stole my blanket?"

Her eyes followed mine, landing on the blanket draped over her like it was her rightful property. She blinked in innocent confusion, then looked back up at me with wide, guileless eyes and said, 

"Oh. I don't know how it got here."

"Seriously?...You don't know how it got there?" I groaned, rolling my eyes to the ceiling. I then exhaled slowly, my expression flat as I continued saying, "Right. Because blankets just magically appear around you."

"Exactly. It must have wandered over here...Maybe it likes me better." She nodded with complete sincerity, her eyes twinkling. 

"So now blankets have preferences?" I snorted. 

"Hey, I can't help it if I'm more lovable. Especially when you're not doing a favour by acting like the Grinch the whole time." She shrugged, feigning nonchalance. 

"Sure. The blanket's playing favourites now." I rolled my eyes, smirking. 

My mother smiled and then leaned back into the cushions, tilting her head to the side as if deep in thought, and said with an exaggerated sigh,

"But you know…The blanket isn't enough."

"Oh, really? And what else do you need?" I raised an eyebrow, already sensing where this was going. 

"Your hand." She leaned in with a mischievous glint in her eyes. 

"My hand?" I stared at her like she'd just suggested I hand over a kidney. 

"Yes. I need your hand for warmth." She nodded, completely serious. 

"You're already wrapped in my blanket, and now you want my hand too? That's a little greedy, don't you think?" I let out a dry laugh.

She huffed, puffing out her cheeks like a child denied candy, as she said, "Look, if this were years ago, I wouldn't have asked."

"Why not?" I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. 

Her lips curled into a teasing smile as she continued saying, "Because back then, your arms were so skinny they couldn't heat anything up...They were like cold, metal poles."

"Cold metal poles? Seriously?" I stared at her incredulously for asking a favour from me and making fun of me at the same time.

She giggled, covering her mouth as if she were trying to be polite about insulting me as she said, 

"What? It's true! They were all bone, no heat...I could even lift you up with one arm and carry you around on my back like it was nothing. You used to cling to me so tightly, like a little monkey."

"Wow, thanks, Mom. That's really motivating." I groaned, dragging a hand down my face. 

She leaned closer, her eyes softening as she traced a finger along my forearm. "But now..." She squeezed my bicep gently, her eyebrows lifting as if she'd just discovered buried treasure. "Now look at these arms. Thick. Solid. You've finally grown into them, Luca!"

As she traced the contours of my muscles, her thoughts drifted. She couldn't help but marvel at how much I'd grown. 

She remembered the little boy who could barely hold a pencil, the one she carried everywhere, whose tiny hands would cling to her as if he couldn't let go of the world. 

Now, here I was, taller, stronger—almost unrecognisable from that frail child. It was hard for her to wrap her head around just how much time had passed.

"So glad I finally made the cut." I sighed, cheeks warming under her scrutiny. 

She smirked. "You did, Luca. And now, they're perfect for keeping me warm." She wrapped her hands around my forearm like she was claiming a prize. "So, hand it over. Immediately."

I stared down at her fingers curled around my arm, then back up at her, my expression deadpan, and said, "You know, normal people just ask for hugs...You're out here making demands like a villain in a hostage negotiation."

She narrowed her eyes, a sly grin spreading across her face. "Oh, I'd be more than happy to get a hug from you, you know." She said, her voice dripping with mock sweetness. "But someone's always too embarrassed to hug his own mother. The second I even mention it, you run for the hills." She sighed dramatically, as though it was some grand tragedy.

I raised an eyebrow, my gaze shifting to her face and said, "Running away? I don't—"

"Oh, don't play coy with me!" She interrupted, her tone teasing yet a little sharp. "Every time I mention a hug, you turn into a fast-moving shadow because you're so embarrassed by your old mother. 

She then paused dramatically, her eyes gleaming with mischief. She then asked with a curious look in her eyes that was searching for some drama,

"But tell me, Luca, if we were stuck in the icy mountains together, freezing to death, would you pull me into a warm embrace to save me, or would you just let me freeze while you sit there with your little nonchalant attitude?"

I rolled my eyes, fighting back a grin as I said, "Oh, please. You'd probably freeze to death the second you set foot in the snow...You'd be too busy pestering me to notice the frostbite setting in."

This comment of mine seemed like an insult in her ears, but when you really think about it, I was actually hinting about how much of a selfless mother she was and how she wouldn't care about her own life and would only prioritise mine in such a precarious situation.

Of course my mother thinks about it that way, and she pouted exaggeratedly, as if I'd just insulted her life's work, and said, "I would survive just fine, thank you. But you, on the other hand, would probably be too focused on looking cool to notice I'm shivering."

"Oh, come on. You're being way too dramatic." I rolled my eyes, unable to hide my smirk. 

But as I thought about it myself, I realised something. The reason I'd started avoiding hugs wasn't because I hated them. It wasn't because I didn't want to hold her, either. No, it was more complicated than that. 

 I'd gotten so used to her hugs—being enveloped by the warmth of her embrace, her arms cocooning me in a way that made me feel safe and grounded—that I'd started to fear how much I liked them. How much I liked her.

If I let myself give in, if I hugged her back the way I wanted to...Could I pull away when it was over? Could I let go of that feeling of being close to her, wrapped up in that warmth, or would I just want to stay there forever?

I stared at her for a moment, my thoughts swirling around the bizarre yet strangely comforting idea of hugging her. 

But I quickly snapped myself out of it, clearing my throat as I casually said with a matter-of-fact look on my face, "Of course, I'd hug you in such a desperate situation...You're my beloved mother, after all."

Her eyes widened, and she leaned back, looking at me with a gleam of joy in her expression. "You would, Luca?" She asked, a little too excited. "You really would hug me?"

"Yeah. What else am I supposed to do? Let you freeze to death?" I nodded, trying to look as stoic as possible.

Her eyes immediately lit up, the gleam in them shining with an odd mix of pride and joy. She didn't even seem to notice the sarcasm in my voice, too busy basking in the moment of her son actually caring about her. 

"Aww, Luca, you do care for me after all!"

But before my mother could go in for a hug, thinking that I was allowing her to by saying such words, I sighed dramatically, internally bracing myself for the impending reaction, and said something that stopped her dead in her tracks.

"I mean, I have to hug you and keep you warm so that I can maintain my 'emergency rations' for as long as possible." 

I added casually, turning my attention back to the movie like it was the most natural thing in the world.