Chapter 5

Harry walked around the main floor, looking in the few doors. A restroom, the kitchen, an office, and a bedroom were all off of the sitting room. The wallpaper was yellowed and peeling. Harry couldn't tell what color the wallpaper had originally been but he thought it might have been pink. He wondered how long Dumbledore had had this house, and if he had kept it just for this purpose- for hiding Harry when necessary. Regardless, Harry was thankful that the house was available to him. He'd rather be at Hogwarts, or at 12 Grimmauld, or at The Burrow… but Severus seemed despondent and that was enough for Harry to believe that perhaps he wasn't safe. His life was at risk, of course, but he needed to lose his life at Voldemort's hands in order to destroy the bastard once and for all. He couldn't die at the hands of some lowly no-name death eater, or else the Order's efforts would be for naught. The lives lost already would have been lost in vain.

Harry took one last look into the empty, dusty bedroom and closed the door.

"If you prefer that room, you may have it."

"No, it's alright. My trunk is already upstairs. Is this your room?"

"Mine is upstairs beside yours."

Harry sat beside Severus on the long sofa, a couple of feet between them. Severus looked up from his book and eyed Harry cautiously.

Harry chuckled, embarrassed. "Don't worry. I won't try to hug you again. I'm-"

"I beg you not to apologize again."

Harry laughed. "No, I was going to say I will respect your personal boundaries."

Severus grunted and continued reading. Harry saw that it was the same book on prophecies he'd held earlier.

"Dumbledore is right, you know. You're not going to be able to stop this. Please quit wasting your time. Just be here with me." Harry placed his hand on Severus's arm, his fingertips atop the dark mark.

Severus looked back to Harry. "I am here with you."

"No, I mean, just accept my fate as I have. Don't kill yourself trying to stop it."

"Potter, I will only say this once more." Severus's voice was stern unlike he'd heard it in some time. "I. Do not. Break. Promises." Severus rubbed his eyes and added quietly. "Not anymore."

"Right," Harry said dispirited. "My mum."

"Yes."

"I'm just going to head to bed." Harry stood but Severus stopped him by grabbing his elbow.

"Wait."

Harry saw panic there in the older man's eyes. The man breathed in deep and looked to the spot where Harry had just been seated. "Please, sit back down." It was perhaps the most tender request the man had ever made of Harry and so he did as he asked.

"I've not… It's that I've." Severus cleared his throat. Harry hadn't heard Severus stumble over his words before. "I need to apologize to you. I'm not one for apologies, obviously. Still, you are owed one. I promised Lily when we were just children, that I would always be by her side. I promised her I'd protect her. I didn't. I will never forgive myself for that."

"No, Professor, really. You don't need to apologize to me. I don't believe there was anything you could have done to save her. But, thank you. I know that was difficult for you to say. Thank you, really."

Severus's hands began to visibly shake. "I thought- I thought that was what upset you… that I mentioned your mother."

"No." Harry couldn't quite put into words what had upset him. He felt badly that his behaviour in that moment caused Severus's seeming undoing. He'd never seen the man so shaken or upset. It was unnerving. Harry appreciated Severus's continuously collected demeanor, and didn't enjoy seeing him behaving otherwise.

"Tell me what upset you, then. You will be living here with me for the foreseeable future. It'd be preferable that we could get along for that time. If I've done something wrong, I'd like to know so I can avoid it in the future."

"This isn't like you. You aren't acting like yourself." Harry couldn't help but be suspicious. An emotional Severus Snape didn't exist in Harry's mind.

"Just tell me," Severus demanded.

That familiar rage boiled up in Harry. He stood once more.

He spoke through gritted teeth to avoid shouting, or worse: sobbing. "You said you wanted to try to save me because of my mother. It was just nice to think you wanted to do that because you just wanted to see me continue living."

"Potter. I said I didn't break promises because of your mother. I fully intend to save you simply for the sake of seeing you continue to live."

Only a few months before, Harry wouldn't have believed that he could ever feel pity for Severus Snape, and yet here he was, standing before the man, wishing he could comfort him. It was the role reversal of his nightmares.

"I dreamt of you last night," Harry blurted.

"A night terror, I presume? Taking so many points from Gryffindor that you're forced to sit out the Slytherin/Gryffindor quidditch match?" Severus attempted to be sarcastic, but he still sounded intensely disheartened.

"No, I was drowning and you saved me. You always save me." Harry ran his finger down Severus's jawline as he had only the night before, although it felt like it had been years. "Maybe you will beat the prophecy. Maybe you can save me."

Harry turned and headed up the stairs and into his room where he had woken only a few hours before.

Harry held absolutely no hope that Severus would indeed save him this time. Still, the man seemed determined. And perhaps hope would help the man through the last of this blasted war that had been being fought since before Harry was even born.

Severus didn't allow himself sleep until he'd finished the book. And, of course, he found zero answers. But, it was only one book. Severus knew the research wouldn't be easy. With any luck, he'd have Albus's notes on his research soon, and perhaps he could convince the headmaster to bring more books on his next visit. Severus added it to the list he had begun of supplies for him to bring.

Severus looked to the muggle clock hanging on the wall over the fireplace. 2:47. He stepped into the kitchen and pulled down the old, dusty bottle of firewhiskey, broke the seal and took a long drink directly from the bottle.

"I knew you'd still be awake."

Severus leaned against the counter and handed the bottle to Harry wordlessly.

Harry followed suit and wrapped his lips around the mouth of the bottle to drink. The boy took a sharp breath then took another mouthful.

"I take it that wasn't your first drink."

"Of course not. Do you know how many evenings I spent around a fire with Fred and George?"

"I agree, it's difficult to be around them when one is sober."

Harry laughed heartily. "That it is. I just meant there isn't much to do at The Burrow except drink, and the twins excel at drinking games."

"Hm. I've never played one."

"Care to?"

"Absolutely not."

"Please don't tell me you've been sitting here in the dark drinking alone for the past several hours."

"No. Reading."

Harry rolled the bottle between his palms, looking the label over. He sipped from the bottle once more and offered it back to Severus.

"How did this happen?" Harry mused.

"You insist on attracting danger and the headmaster then locked us here in this house."

Harry laughed again. "I just meant that we've become friends, haven't we?"

"I don't have friends."

"Well, you have me. I'm just not sure how it happened."

"It's late. You're being overly sentimental."

"Earlier, you were the one being sentimental."

"Yes, and I'd greatly appreciate if you could wipe that from your memory entirely."

"Not a chance." Harry grinned and looked up at Severus from beneath his thick, black eyelashes. "I was cruel earlier."

"Don't apologize."

Harry sighed. "I won't. Still, I will admit it was wrong of me. You'd told me earlier I was allowed my emotions, and then I was cruel to you for yours. It wasn't fair."

"Life isn't fair, Potter."

"It isn't. But I try to be."

Harry moved to lean against the counter beside Severus, reminiscent of when they'd stood just like this in the kitchen at Hogwarts, watching the house elves cook. Their arms touched. Severus attempted to ground himself. Harry was here. He was still alive. His skin was warm against his.

The two passed the bottle between them for a long while then walked together upstairs and parted ways silently into their respective bedrooms.

Severus listened to Harry cry through the wall. He tried to work up the energy, the courage, to go into the young man's room and soothe him. By the time he felt he could, Harry had fallen asleep.

There was no entertainment here for Harry, outside of talking to Severus. He'd add books for Harry to the list. Or request Albus to let the boy send letters to Remus, Sirius, and his friends. Otherwise, this was going to be a very difficult time for both of them- and there was only so much whiskey in this house. Actually, Severus thought, he'd add whiskey to the list, too.

It had been a few weeks. Days on days of pasta meals, whiskey in the dark, boredom. Harry wrote letters he knew he couldn't send. He watched Severus read book, after book, after book.

Harry knew the answers weren't there, but he let the professor hope.

Harry lifted his legs and stretched them out on the sofa, propping a book on his legs, a piece of parchment on top of the book and continued writing his letter. The bare soles of his feet touched his professor's thigh.

"That book is not a desk," Severus admonished.

"We don't have a desk."

"There are two tables, however."

"I'm comfortable."

"Your feet are on me."

"They're clean."

Severus rolled his eyes and continued reading.

"I'm bored," Harry bemoaned.

"Read a book. I had Albus bring some for you."

"I have too many problems in my own life to care about the fictional problems that fictional people have."

"I'll ask him to bring some non-fiction next time, then."

Harry glared at Severus, "That's worse."

Severus sighed. He sounded irritated, but Harry knew he wasn't. "Fine, Mr Potter. What would you like to do?"

"Tell me something I don't know about you."

"That would be everything. We'd be here for hours."

"That's not true. I know your middle name is Tobias."

"There you are, then. May I continue reading?"

"Are you dating anyone?"

The scowl that immediately appeared on the man's harsh face made Harry laugh. Still, the man answered. "No. Are you?"

"No. Have you ever dated?"

"Of course I have. I am not a monk. Have you even ever kissed a girl?"

"I'll have you know I've kissed two."

"Did they like it?"

Harry knew Severus's techniques by now. He was trying to make Harry mad so that he'd shut up. But, Harry was bored and wouldn't fall for it this time.

"I don't know," Harry said honestly. "Did the girls you've kissed like it?" He pushed his feet out more to nudge Severus's thigh.

"I've not kissed a 'girl.'"

"Sorry, women?"

"No."

"No, they didn't enjoy it? Aren't you experienced enough to be a good kisser by now?"

"I haven't kissed women." Something stirred in Harry's stomach. Realization dawned on him.

"Oh, you're-"

"Yes."

"Sirius is, too, ya know."

"I'm aware."

"Have you two ever-?"

"No. Just because two people are homosexual doesn't mean they're bound to be together in any way."

"I know that! I was just asking because you were in the same year and all."

"We loathe one another, why would we ever-?"

"Yeah. Right." Harry felt stupid. He had no idea what to say to Severus. He was desperate for conversation. Severus had been stuck in his books for days. Harry tried to be patient but this was almost as bad as being locked in the cupboard for days on end. "What day is it?"

"22 of November."

"We've been here a month."

"Feels like it's been years," Severus said, giving Harry a pointed look.

"Whiskey."

"Pardon?" Harry could tell Severus was becoming aggravated.

"Let's drink. Everything feels less boring when I'm drunk."

"You've been drunk?"

Harry scoffed. "Erm, yes, of course. Every night that I've drank with you."

Severus sat up straighter. "I'm impressed with you, Potter. I wasn't aware you were drunk. You hold your liquor quite well."

"I guess I'm not drinking enough then." Harry pushed his feet against Severus again.

"Yes, okay, fine! It's barely past noon, so if you insist on becoming absolutely pissed, you have the time to do so. Go get the whiskey."

"Finally! Something to do! Will you drink with me?"

Severus rolled his eyes, but Harry stood and grabbed the whiskey nonetheless.

Harry took his seat beside the older man once more and turned the bottle up to his lips.

"That behaviour is fine with the Weasleys, but in polite society, one doesn't drink from the bottle."

"You always do."

"You're not polite society, so no harm." Harry laughed, shoving his shoulder against Severus's and handed the man the bottle.

Their relationship had evolved quite a bit from the night by the lake when Harry first touched the man's face. It had repulsed him, to have Harry touch him, but now Harry stole small touches whenever he could and Severus never commented on it. He didn't so much as make one of the faces he was famous for.

Harry didn't know why he enjoyed the touches. Perhaps he was just starved of human connection. Self-imposed, as it was, since his reclusiveness had begun before they left Hogwarts.

Since Severus had begun walking with him through the corridors at night, he'd found the older man to be humourous, surprisingly kind, and understanding. He was the only constant in his life now. A constant that Harry felt he could actually rely on. Severus had always been there for him, protecting him. Harry felt safe with him. And he felt safe with him here now, which is why he wasn't afraid to poke and prod the professor. More importantly, he felt safe enough with Severus to be himself. Harry could swear the man felt the same way, which is why he allowed Harry to see him without his mask on.

"Would you say we're friends now?" Harry asked after his fifth swallow of whiskey. His face was beginning to feel tingly. His tongue felt heavy and swollen in his mouth.

"We are certainly something."

"Yeah. Friends."

"I'd say captor and hostage." Severus smiled at Harry. Sometimes, especially when the whiskey was flowing, Severus would smile at him and Harry's heart would skip. The man's smile was an incredibly rare sight and it made him feel special.

"Which of us is the captor?"

"Yet to be determined."

"Damn Albus."

Severus laughed into the bottle. "Damn Albus," he agreed.

"I think I'd like a cigarette."

Severus scoffed. "That is revolting."

"I've never had one. Maybe I'll never have one. Maybe I will."

"I think your inebriation is impending."

"I like the way you talk."

Severus grinned and turned his gaze back to Harry. "I like 'how you talk', as well."

"What?!" Using Severus's thigh to push his feet against, he propelled himself into a sitting position. "You're being sarcastic, aren't you?"

"No, why would I be sarcastic?" Severus turned a page in his book, but Harry was still sober enough to know Severus hadn't been reading.

"Your voice is like… it's like… silk! Yes, like silk. And it's like this whiskey. I like your vocabulary, too. There is no reason for you to like my voice. This is how I know you're being sarcastic."

"I like the way you speak. You're uninhibited in the things you say. Which, yes, has been a source of trouble for yourself, but it can be a strength in itself."

Harry beamed. His cheeks hurt. He must be smiling too much.

"I like you, Severus Tobias Snape," Harry slurred.

Severus glared chidingly at Harry. "I tolerate you, Harry James Potter."

"That's more than I'd ever hoped for, so I'll take it."

Drunk in the middle of the day. Harry wouldn't live long enough to face Voldemort. He was going to die of boredom.