Chapter 34

The distance to Severus's rooms was not far. But it felt like an eternity. They both looked forward and walked in silence. Severus touched his hand to the door, allowing the wards to recognize his magical thumbprint. The door opened. Severus let out a breath and turned towards Harry, holding the door open for him. They slipped into the room. It was dark, only a single candle flickering atop the mantle. Severus stood still, facing Harry. He could see Severus's fingers trembling. This caused Harry's absolute undoing. Severus was so handsome. His strong facial features seemed powerful, his skin was pale but smooth.

"You're so handsome," Harry said in a huff of breath.

"No," Severus said simply.

Harry cradled his face in his hands and leaned into him. He placed a gentle kiss to those thin lips. Severus searched his eyes. Harry didn't know what he was looking for, but he'd give it to him. He'd give Severus anything. That wasn't a new feeling. He'd felt that way for years.

Harry placed a kiss to each cheek before returning to his lips.

The kisses soon deepened. They turned desperate and frantic. Harry pulled at Severus's tall collar. Buttons clinked against the floor but neither man cared. Harry began pushing the robe back from Severus's shoulders, even as his own jumper was being pulled over his head. Severus sucked and bit Harry's neck momentarily before working to pull off Harry's t-shirt. Harry finished pulling Severus's robe down his arms then began pushing at the waist of Severus's trousers.

Severus toed off his boots. Harry followed suit as he unzipped his own trousers.

Harry felt himself being pushed backwards. He allowed Severus to guide them. They continued to kiss, causing Harry's head to spin. His back fell against a door, but the door quickly allowed entrance. Harry then collapsed backwards onto what he assumed was Severus's bed. The older man straddled his hips. He pulled away and looked down at Harry like admiring something rare and beautiful. He felt his face burn beneath Severus's admiring gaze.

"You're perfect." Severus leaned forward and continued kissing Harry's neck, down to his collar bone, and down to graze his sharp teeth over one of Harry's nipples. The sensation shot bolts of pleasure through his entire body. Harry moaned and ground his hips upwards against Severus. He grabbed the hem of Severus's undershirt but the man hissed and grabbed Harry's hand, stopping him from his exploration.

"Please don't."

"I want to see you."

"No... you don't...you don't want to see under my shirt."

Harry took a moment to collect his thoughts, allow his mind to come back to earth.

"I promise I will still want you, despite what I see. You're beautiful. And I have scars of my own."

Severus looked away momentarily. He nodded slowly. "Okay." He reached over his shoulder, grasped his shirt and pulled it over his head.

Even in the dim light, Harry could see the raised scars across Severus's skin. He couldn't tell where one scar ended and the next began. They crossed his entire chest and over his shoulders. Harry reached a tentative hand out and grazed his fingers over the swollen scar tissue. Severus kept his eyes closed even as his breath quickened nervously.

"Are these- are these from that night Voldemort saw into my head? When he saw my thoughts about you?"

Severus's lips part to speak, but no words came.

"Don't lie to me," Harry requested gently.

"Most of them. Yes."

Harry's hand recoiled of its own accord.

"This is my fault?" Harry sat up quickly, forcing Severus from his lap. He moved to sit next to him at the edge of the bed.

"No, of course it isn't."

"It is! I knew you were hurt that night, but I didn't realize how badly. Severus, I... I don't know how I could ever make this right. Tell me what to do. I don't know what to do! My god!" Harry leapt onto his feet. His mind couldn't follow any one single thought. His head was spinning. His heart raced. "I did this to you!"

Severus grabbed his shoulders forcefully.

"No, you didn't! You did not do this."

"It's my fault! He did this because of me! Because of my feelings for you!"

"We didn't know he had access to your mind until this. We'd have lost the war if he hadn't made it known that he could see into your head. It was necessary."

"No... no... oh my god."

"Harry! Breathe! It wasn't your fault!"

Harry's vision became blurry. The furniture in the room began to shake and rattle violently against the stone floor and walls.

"Harry? What are you doing? Harry! Calm down!"

Harry felt his own fingernails digging into the palms of his hands. His entire body felt as if it were on fire. His magic felt uncontrollable. It was about to break through and Harry couldn't stop it. He tried to speak, to warn Severus to move. His magic had never actually broke free before and he was scared of what might happen if it did. He didn't have time to speak his warning.

He felt his head snap backwards. Every muscle in his body tensed. He heard himself scream. Every bit of skin felt immense pain as magic shot from him. He forced his eyes open, even as the rest of his body was immobile. The room glowed an eerie orange.

Harry collapsed into a fetal position as he lost consciousness.

Harry heard the sound of flames crackling. He opened his eyes slowly. He was on the floor of Severus's bedroom, with his head cradled against Severus's thigh. Severus used his wand to extinguish each of the small fires currently burning his wardrobe, bed, and side tables.

Harry felt weaker than he had in quite a long time.

"Are you alright?" Harry whispered. Severus looked down into Harry's eyes. He ran his fingers through his hair soothingly.

"I'm fine. How are you feeling?"

"Weak," he choked out. He shivered. He felt so cold. He curled in closer to Severus's still-exposed chest.

"Let's get you to the infirmary."

"No. Please."

"As you wish."

They lie on the floor like that for a long while. Severus rubbed Harry's scalp, his neck, and down across his back. He held him close, making Harry feel safe and relaxed.

Harry drifted to sleep.

His dreams turned to nightmares of Voldemort. His cruel eyes narrowed as he lift his wand high over his head then brought it down like a whip. "Crucio!" He screamed. Severus fell to his knees before him and cried out in pain. Voldemort raised his wand again, but his wand turned to a Nimbus broom. Voldemort melted away. The scenery became a quidditch pitch.

Harry was flying, dipping, spinning and diving as he chased the snitch. He laughed ecstatically as he closed his fingers around it. He raised it above his head proudly. Deafening cheers sounded all around him but when he looked to the crowd, only Severus sat there. He applauded Harry's success, a smile stretched across his face.

Harry stretched his legs out and straightened his back. He blinked a few times, allowing his eyes to adjust to the darkness. He couldn't see much, his glasses had been removed. He lifted his head just a bit. He was in Severus's bed, he'd been in a deep sleep with his head on Severus's shoulder. The other man slept peacefully beside him, his arms wrapped around Harry, his head leaned back against the large pillows.

"Thank you," he said to the sleeping form next to him. He kissed the man's sharp cheekbone before moving to relax once more against him.

Severus took a deep breath, his eyes opened slowly.

"How do you feel?" He asked, his voice gravelly and tired.

Harry smiled. "Better. I'm sorry I burned your furniture."

Severus shrugged. "They're only material possessions. Easily replaced. You, however, are not."

Harry smiled and laid his head back down onto Severus's warm chest.

As soon as his cheek made contact with the scars across Severus's skin, thoughts that were not his own invaded his mind.

Severus being beaten by Voldemort

Severus coming through the floo at Grimmauld

Severus kissing a student in the potions classroom.

Harry gasped and pulled away.

"Why would you show me that?"

Severus jerked away. "How did you get inside my head?!"

"You kissed a student?"

"Harry! How did you see my thoughts?"

"I didn't! You put them in my head!"

Severus furrowed his brow. "No, I did not."

"I didn't do anything... I don't know how that happened."

"I think you're more powerful than you realize. I am a very skilled Occlumens and you just invaded my mind without even intending to."

"I'm sorry."

Severus placed Harry's glasses into his hand.

"Are you hungry? It's nearly time for dinner."

"We just had dinner."

"That was yesterday. You've slept nearly a whole day."

Severus pulled himself from under Harry. He sat at the edge of the bed. His body was still and rigid. Harry reached out to touch his shoulder but Severus jerked away. Harry let his hand fall.

"I am sorry, Severus. I didn't mean to."

"I believe you."

He stood and walked to his wardrobe. The doors were blackened from the fires Harry'd started. He pulled a simple robe out and dressed quickly, keeping his body turned away from Harry until he was covered.

"Are you coming? Or should I have the house elves deliver dinner for you here?"

Harry ignored the question. "Forgive me. Please."

"There is nothing to forgive."

"You seem upset with me."

Severus sighed and finally turned to face him.

"I'm upset with myself. I knew I shouldn't have let you see my scars."

"I want all of you. That includes the scars."

Severus gestured to the room around him. "You didn't exactly react well."

"Because of my own guilt, my own issues. I was just surprised is all."

"You were repulsed."

Anger began to well up in his chest. "No, I wasn't!"

"Are you going to get dressed?"

Harry pulled the blankets away. He shivered. His clothes still lie in a heap on the floor. He pulled them on. Severus watched him as he dressed.

"Your shoes are in the sitting room."

Harry walked down the hallway and into the main room. He spotted his shoes and sat down to pull them on.

Severus hovered over him as he tied the laces.

"You kissed a student," Harry said again, staring at the floor.

"He kissed me. I did not return his affections, physically or otherwise."

"When did this happen? Was this recent?"

"Two days ago. I did not enjoy it. In fact, I am still very much angered that he assaulted me in that way."

Harry nodded but continued to stare down at his boots.

"Are you upset with me?"

Harry wanted to tell him he wasn't. He didn't want to be upset. But jealousy ate at him.

Severus circled around the settee. He slowly lowered himself onto his knees before him. He wrapped his hands around Harry's and searched his eyes.

"I apologize that you saw that. If you wish to see the entire memory, I will lower my guards and allow you to do so. I only want you. I've only ever wanted you. I'd not risk losing you by kissing another man. I'd also never kiss a student. I once turned you away too, did I not?"

Harry nodded. "I do believe you. It just hurt to see someone else kissing you."

"If you want to be the only one to ever kiss me like that... you have a choice to make."

Harry grinned, even as tears began to sting his eyes. He sniffled.

"That's what I came here to tell you. I paid the Malfoys off. They won't be bothering us anymore."

"What does that mean?" Severus looked desperate. "Harry," he pleaded. "I need to hear you say it."

"It doesn't matter what my other options are. I will choose you every time." The words had only just left his lips before Severus captured them with his own. He wrapped his arms tight around Harry as they kissed one another.

Severus pulled away slowly. He fought to even his breathing.

Severus took Harry's wrist in his hand. Harry watched his every moment. He knew he'd made the right decision. He knew in his heart that he could never feel for anyone the way he felt for this man. And he knew no one could love him the way Severus did.

This was the life he wanted, the bickering, the passion- all of it.

Severus pulled the bangle from Harry's arm.

"What are you doing? I still want to wear that."

Severus grinned and gave Harry a pointed look that told him to have patience.

Severus then removed his own bangle.

He held them both in his left palm and tapped each one with his wand. He closed his eyes and began to chant in Latin. Harry held his breath. The light at the tip of Severus's wand grew brighter. The bangles lifted to hover slightly over his hand. They circled one another as they shrunk down in size slowly.

Severus ended the incantation and they fell back into his palm as he opened his eyes. He held his hand out to Harry.

The bracelets had become two rings.

Harry's eyes widened in surprise. "Did you... are they wedding bands?"

Severus smiled. "If you wish them to be."