Restart, Spider-Man! [165]
"Are you sure this is going to be okay?" Steve asked Xia Luo, his voice uncertain.
After all, he wasn't well acquainted with Wade; going up to him and borrowing his…life force…felt more than a little awkward.
Before Xia Luo could answer, Logan was already wheeling himself over to Wade, looking completely unconcerned about any awkwardness with this chatterbox.
"Oh, are we starting with me?" Wade stretched his arms out and relaxed into the hammock. "Got it, got it. Just…take it easy, alright? This is my first time with this kind of weird ritual—kinda freaky, but hey! I'd do anything for you guys. I love you all that much!"
Wade then pointed to a paper bag next to him. "Oh, and let me finish my takeout from my good buddy Spider-Man here. It's his expression of love for me, don't you think?"
Everyone stared blankly at him.
"What? Did I say something wrong?" Wade's eyes darted around, seeing their dubious, slightly sinister stares. "Your eyes are way too hungry, by the way, and filled with evil intent. I…only have one thing to say to that—FUU—"
CRACK!
Logan's fist came down hard on Wade's face, cutting off his curse mid-scream.
"Don't! Be! So! Rough! Be gentle, please!"
Three minutes later, the faint golden glow dissipated, leaving Wade curled up on the hammock, his face twisted with dramatic sorrow.
"You guys were so brutal," he whimpered, hugging his knees. "I hated it, but you still owe me money."
By now, Carter and the others were completely tuned out, sipping coffee as if they hadn't heard a word. They'd all put in earplugs beforehand.
"Alright, kid, I admit I may have misjudged you," Old Man Steve, now restored to his younger self, said as he approached Xia Luo with a sigh.
"If anyone in the multiverse can match your level of chatter, it'd be this guy right here," he said, nodding towards Wade, who still looked tragically shaken after "loaning" his life energy for the third time. Somehow, he was as lively as ever.
"I don't get it, but hey, it's impressive," Steve added.
Xia Luo shrugged. "This is me holding back. Restraint is key in a high-stakes game like the Resurrection Tournament."
"I can vouch for that," Carter chimed in, raising her hand.
"You're wearing earplugs; how could you know?" Xia Luo shot her a surprised look.
Carter sipped her coffee and took out her earplugs. "Not anymore. I'm just about ready to knock this guy out."
"Now, now, don't get heated," Steve quickly stepped in, handing her his shield as though it would make her feel better. "Here, you might need this."
Carter gave him an incredulous look. "Thank you."
"My pleasure."
Seeing the exchange, Wade grew nervous, and before Carter could even make her move, Logan stepped in and twisted Wade's neck with one swift motion.
Steve raised a brow. "Guess the younger Logan is…a bit more violent."
"Brutal, actually," Xia Luo commented, moving towards Professor X, who still sat in his wheelchair, looking contemplative.
"Are you sure you don't want to be younger than this?" Xia Luo asked him.
Professor X stretched his shoulders, his face retaining a few wrinkles. "This is the ideal time in my life for my mental abilities, even if I still need the chair."
Once his head had cleared, Professor X closed his eyes and unleashed a wave of mental energy that rippled outward in a visible shockwave.
"Hydra, Spider-Man, the Avengers, the Thunderbolts…this world is far more complicated than I'd thought," he murmured.
Xia Luo nodded. "Did you find Madame Gao?"
"She's already left New York. To track her further, I'd need a Cerebro amplifier, which I don't have here in this world."
Xia Luo handed him the last fossil fragment, one that held the energy of the Time Monolith, and placed it lightly on Professor X's bald head.
Professor X: "…"
As the professor connected with the relic, a massive surge of psychic power erupted, shaking the furniture and sending Xia Luo stumbling backward as his vision spun.
"Such raw power!" Carter clutched her head, her expression astonished.
Within moments, Professor X had reined in the psychic storm, resuming his concentration. His mind began reaching out across the globe.
"What's he doing?" Steve asked, warily eyeing the professor.
Xia Luo took a few steps back. "If I'm right, he's using his brain waves to scan the entire planet."
"That's…a bit much, isn't it?" Carter's voice rose in surprise.
Logan, inspecting his claws, gave a quiet nod. "If he wanted, he could kill over 99% of humanity this way."
Everyone looked to Professor X with a mix of awe and horror.
"If he were an enemy, we wouldn't stand a chance," Natasha muttered, her face pale.
Barton shook his head, "He has that power and still lost his world. He must have some fatal flaw."
"Too naive?" Natasha suggested, crossing her arms.
Carter shook her head. "It's not naivete. He has ideals—he devoted his life to building peace between mutants and humans."
Just then, Professor X's voice broke the tension.
"I've discovered something," he said.
"What did you find?" Xia Luo asked.
"A secret," the professor replied, "a legend in the multiverse… of a spider that can sense… poop."
Xia Luo: "…"
He looked to Steve, who quickly denied any involvement, his gaze fixed on the ceiling.
"Not what I was looking for, Professor," Xia Luo sighed.
"Got it," Professor X replied with a slight smirk. "Madame Gao's en route to Okinawa Air Base. I've instructed the pilot to turn the plane around."
Xia Luo nodded, "Perfect. Now, anything else?"
"I'm ahead of you," Professor X replied. "Hydra's network spans across the globe. They're more than capable of waging war on a world scale."
The professor began listing Hydra's bases, and Xia Luo tapped his nanotech device to record the coordinates.
Everyone listened with rapt attention.
"Over half of the European base?" Carter muttered.
"No wonder they infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D. so thoroughly all these years," Natasha remarked, shaking her head.
"A monstrous Hydra," Old Man Steve marveled. "Far worse than my world's version."
Without Professor X, Xia Luo might have been ambushed and killed by Hydra many times over.
Suddenly, the professor added, "They're planning to bomb New York, but I've already put a stop to that plan."
Xia Luo chuckled, "Keep going."
Then Professor X's face darkened, beads of sweat appearing on his brow. "There's something here—several things, actually—resisting my powers. This world… has too many secrets."
"Should we stop?" Logan asked, visibly concerned.
"No," Professor X said, shaking his head. "If I can understand it all in one sweep, it'll ease Spider-Man's burden."
Xia Luo's interest was piqued. "One go?"
Just as he'd suspected, Professor X had glimpsed the truth of the tournament. But not even he could escape its reset power—except for Wade, whose very existence defied logic.
Suddenly, Professor X gasped, looking older and more haggard.
"No… I see…magic and…alligators!"
With that, he slumped forward, unconscious.
"What happened to him?" Old Man Steve leaned in, alarmed.
Xia Luo checked his pulse. "Still breathing, but brain-dead."
He pulled out Dr. Otto's brainwave scanner, but the device showed no activity. Professor X was beyond reach.
Logan knelt beside the professor, embracing him gently. "You'll be alright… Just rest."
Xia Luo muttered, "Magic… and alligators?" The cryptic words puzzled him, but they'd gained invaluable intel nonetheless.
"Let's go," he said. "We need to find Madame Gao."
Just then, Dr. Zola's face appeared on a monitor, sneering.
"Interesting power indeed, but he died too soon. His intervention won't change your fate."
"What?" Carter and the others looked alarmed, but Xia Luo simply shrugged.
He turned to the fridge, opening it to grab a single bottle of juice.
"Only one bottle left? A shame," he said, a calm smile on his face, right before a flash of white light swallowed his world once more.
Fourth Resurrection Tournament
Inside Kingpin's mansion.
"I've discovered a secret," said Professor X.
"Well, keep it to yourself," Xia Luo replied, his tone veiled with threat.
Professor X fell silent for a moment. "Understood."
Quickly, he altered Hydra's plan to bomb New York, but Xia Luo stopped him just as he was about to continue.
"That'll do," Xia Luo instructed.
Professor X opened his eyes, confused. "Why stop? I could still help you."
But after a beat, realization dawned on his face.
"Ah… I see," he replied, glancing at Wade before turning back to Xia Luo. "His travel device might require a bit of luck to work reliably, so I'd recommend patience. Eventually, it should work."
Xia Luo nodded. "Got it."
Professor X and Logan began aging back to their original states, and across the room, Old Man Steve was just about to leave.
"Oh, come on, kid—don't act like I was actually supposed to go fetch you pizza and juice!" Steve grinned, shrugging his shoulders as he began to look more like his old self.
"You really should have left earlier." Xia Luo rolled his eyes, turning his attention to Wade.
"Alright, ready to give it another go?"
Wade looked up at him with a smirk. "Absolutely, happy to help!"
He adjusted the device, and with a flicker of light, the two of them disappeared.
Old Man Steve ran over to where they'd vanished, picking up two oversized caterpillars from the floor.
"Did they really have to rush it?" He held up the caterpillars for Carter, who looked at them thoughtfully.
"I'm guessing the one on the left is Xia Luo's."
"Then I'll take the right one."
Meanwhile, atop a snowy mountain
"Noooo!!"
Wade's anguished wails echoed across the snow-covered peaks as he knelt down, clutching his sides.
"No! Why, my precious Little Wade? You can't leave me like this! I can't lose you too…you're all I have!"
Xia Luo shot him a flat look and gave him a nudge. "It's only a few inches—get over it."
He surveyed their surroundings, realizing something was off. "Great. We missed the target. Hurry up and recalibrate," he said, nudging Wade again.
"Oh? You wanna keep touching me there?" Wade shot him a flirtatious look. "I mean, I don't mind if you—"
"Shut it!" Xia Luo snapped, punching Wade hard enough to make him see stars.
"Ouch! Careful! This thing's on the verge of breaking, you know…" Wade whined as he worked on the device.
Suddenly, a low rumble reached their ears. Xia Luo's eyes widened at the sight of an avalanche cascading toward them.
"Why are you just standing there? Run!" he yelled.
"One sec! Almost got it…this way's faster," Wade insisted, grinning as he held up the device.
"Are you sure? Don't lie to me!" Xia Luo grabbed him by the shoulder.
"Of course not!" Wade's grin stretched wider. "Look, it's all fixed!"
Xia Luo clapped him on the back. "Good. Let's get out of here."
Wade looked down at the device. "Oh, well…actually, now it's…really broken."
Xia Luo: "…"
Staring at the oncoming wave of snow, Xia Luo could only sigh. "And that, right there, is why you never team up with Deadpool."
Fifth Resurrection Tournament
As the travel device activated, this time Old Man Steve found himself holding two severed legs.
"Perfect—let's roast these!" he announced.
Carter: "…"
Elsewhere, Xia Luo and Wade reappeared in a bustling, exotic city.
"Spare a few coins for the disabled?" Xia Luo and Wade each hopped along on a single leg, leaning against each other as they hobbled down the street.
As they passed, Wade held out a chipped bowl, managing to scrounge up a handful of coins.
"Hah! We're up to ten bucks already!" Wade said, flashing the bowl proudly at Xia Luo. "Looks like we've unlocked a new skill. With this, we'll never go hungry again."
Xia Luo shot him a disbelieving look. "Really, Wade? That's your idea of a skill?"
He smirked, tapping the spider insignia on his chest. His mask retracted, revealing his face.
Wade squinted at him. "What're you doing?"
Xia Luo's smile turned devious. "Time to show you some real survival tactics."
Pulling Wade to the side of the road, Xia Luo had him lie down on the ground.
"What's going on?" Wade asked, curious.
"Just play dead," Xia Luo replied.
"No problem! I'm a natural!" Wade flopped over, sticking his tongue out from under his mask.
With a dramatic sob, Xia Luo drew the attention of passersby. "Oh, my poor son! Please help! Selling myself to bury my son! Thirty centimeters, ladies, don't miss out!"
The nearby women all perked up at that last part, and Wade slipped his tongue back into his mouth, impressed.
Spider-Man really is shameless.
Soon after, in a quiet alley…
Wade emerged, fulfilling the "hopes" of a middle-aged woman who'd hired him, a satisfied grin plastered across his face.
"Thanks for letting me take that one, buddy," he said, handing half the cash to Xia Luo.
"Anytime," Xia Luo replied, pocketing the bills with a nod. "I'll recommend you again."
"Thanks, that means a lot." Wade tucked the money away. "So…why were we making money again? Was this part of the mission?"
Xia Luo considered it. "Not really. Just felt like it."
Wade scratched his head. "Want to keep going?"
"Nah, time to get back on track."
Xia Luo's attention was drawn to a figure approaching them, and he chuckled. "Wherever I go, I always attract attention."
"Uh, we," Wade corrected.
The figure—a hefty man in mage robes—stopped before them, squinting at the two hobbling "heroes" in disbelief.
Are these supposed to be superheroes from New York?
Or…comedians?
---
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