I'm Not Capable

Am I selfish?

Maybe I am!

How do I know that?

Its because I'm acting so lame.

I feel like I had been using thy Holy Name

To get away from the material monsters,

Now that I feel that I'm out of those dark games,

I'm ignoring the sweet transcendental nectar.

I'm acting like a person accustomed to through away

The used pen or paper

Every other day

I actually thought I was getting better.

Where are those days when I would shed tears?

Where are those days when I would dance on Your Name!

Where are those days when I would feel You always near?

Where are those days when I would always hear Your fame?

I'm an unfaithful servant

Who goes to the Lord

Only when its extremely urgent!

But what about the material sword?

Its been hanging on our heads

Trying to get us all involved

In the illicit dark beds!

Maybe I'm afraid

Maybe I feel if I would surrender

I would feel the same!

I would go back to those games!

Maybe I shouldn't be worried or afraid:

For the Lord is still showing His ever charming smile

For He is still showering ever lasting love on me!

Maybe I'm guilty

Maybe I don't want to feel this!

Save me my Lord!

I don't want to go there!

For I don't want to be away from You

For I always want to remember You

But how can I?

I'm not capable.