Mr. Book Store

CHAPTER 24

MCKINLEY P.O.V

*trigger warnings: talk of depression. Please read at own risk*

Jack and Celeste were finally working on wedding plans and had set a date for June so they asked if me and Luke would go shopping with them and I was so excited. They decided that they would just shop and look around for things that they might want while also getting things for their engagement party which would be next weekend.

I stuck with Celeste as we shopped so I didn't have to listen to Luke complain the whole time but I was exhausted. I just wanted to lay in bed all day. As we sat at lunch I played with my straw that was in my drink.

"You okay?" Luke nudged me and I shrugged. I wasn't sure what was wrong or why I was feeling this way but I was. "Do you wanna go home?" He questioned and I nodded. "I'm gonna take her home." Luke rushed as he stood up and threw some money on the table before rushing out of the restaurant. "What's wrong?" He asked and I shook my head.

Once we got home I laid in his bed with the cover's pulled up to my face. I knew that he was probably freaking out again thinking that I was upset because I wanted to get married.

"Wanna take a bath?" Luke asked and I nodded. He lifted me up and brought me into the bathroom started the bath and adding salts. He got in behind me as I rested against him. He was quiet as he rubbed my sides. I relaxed into him and enjoyed his company. Enjoyed that he wasn't questioning what was wrong or why the sudden change of mood.

"I think I need to go back to my doctor." I whispered.

"Okay. For what? Would you like me to make an appointment?" He questioned. "I'll do whatever you need." He talked quietly and he was gentle with me. Once the water was cold he helped me out and wrapped me in a blanket before taking me to my bed and laying me down. He then got me dressed and laid with me in bed.

"We should call." I commented scrolling on my phone to her contact and handing Luke the phone. He rubbed my back as he called and made me an appointment. I had stopped taking my depression pills a little over two months ago. I ran out and thought that maybe I didn't need them anymore but it was starting to hit me hard that yes, I still needed them. That no matter how hard I tried, I was still in that state even if I didn't want to be.

"Okay, appointment is on Wednesday at 4." He cuddled into me. "Is that good with you?" I nodded.

"Can you order some food?" I asked and he nodded.

"What would you like?"

"Buffalo chicken pizza with blue cheese. And cheese sticks." I mumbled.

"Alright, I'll order it." He commented before he left the room to call. I buried my face in the covers while he was gone. As much as I was tired, I couldn't fall asleep and I was struggling. I could feel myself struggling and as much as I didn't want to, I knew that I was slowly going back to where I was in high school.

*WEDNESDAY*

Luke sat in the waiting room with me at my appointment holding my hand. I could tell that he was worried and I tried to tell him that I was going to be okay but he was still worried. I hated making him feel that way which only made it worse. Worrying that someone was worried about me. We were both losing our minds.

"McKinley." I slowly stood looking at Luke.

"I'll be right here okay? I love you." He kissed my forehead before I walked off following my doctor.

"What's been going on?" She asked and I explained everything to her. She explained that a lot of people think that they're better and stop taking their medication and then it all goes downhill, that I wasn't the only one who this has happened to before. "I will refill your prescription okay?" I nodded. It had only been two months since the last time I saw her when I told her that I was feeling great and was thinking about going off my meds. She said that I could give it a shot and that if something happened I could come back in.

I left with the prescription and went and handed it to Luke. He looked down at it and nodded before we headed off to CVS for it to be filled. We shopped around while we waited for it. I stood in one aisle while Luke threw toilet paper over the shelving and hit me in the head a few times.

"Stop." I laughed throwing it back over. "You're making a scene." I walked around the side to watch him keep through stuff over. "Lucas."

"I did nothing." I shook my head as I walked off to look at the ice cream. He followed behind with the chips that he wanted. My name was then announced over the loud speakers and we walked to get the prescription and then paid for all of our things.

Luke drove back to my apartment and held my hand the whole time. I laid on the couch while he made some lunch. He sang while he cooked and I listened. His voice was beautiful. I walked into the kitchen and wrapped my arms around him from behind.

"I love you." I whispered kissing his back.

"I love you too." He answered turning around in my arms. I rested my chin on his chest so I was looking up at him face. "And I know that you're having a hard time but I'm not going to leave you. No matter what. I promise." He smiled making me smile. I quickly kissed him knowing that he was going to be here for the long run.

*LUKE P.O.V*

I cleaned McKinley's apartment while she slept. We were both returning to work tomorrow and I had already emailed Courtney to let her know what was going on so that hopefully McKinley would easily be able to get back into the routine of things. I was worried about her being alone at work.

I already knew that I was going to be texting her all day asking for updates but I was still very worried about her.

She let me know when she got to work and what she had to do that day. I asked if she wanted to get lunch with me but she decided to pass. It upset me a little but I knew that she needed to get back to her regular days and she's probably sick of me hovering over her all day.

"What's wrong?" Michael asked as he came into the room. I wasn't sure if I should just vent to him everything that was going on, it wasn't really my place to tell him.

"McKinley is just having a hard time right now and I'm really worried about her." I bounced in my seat a few times. I knew she probably didn't want me worrying about her but I couldn't help it. I didn't want something to happen to her, I loved her too much for that. "What do I do?"

"Just be there for her man. Remind her that you love her and that she's not a burden." I nodded. "If she doesn't want to eat, that's okay but the minute she says she wants something, get it for her. Clean up for her, help her shower. Don't push for sex. Don't yell, don't ever yell. She's having a hard time as it is the last thing she needs is the person she loves the most to make it seem like you're annoyed with her." I nodded listening to everything he said. I had never dated a girl who had a mental illness. I'm not blaming McKinley for having one, no one asks to have depression.

But along with McKinley struggling to feel better, I was struggling with ways to help her. I had no idea what to do, I bought books, I read articles and nothing made sense to me. None of it. But what made the most mad was that she was the one who had to suffer. That she had to grow up in a crazy house with two parents who were always fighting and two brother's who didn't care enough about her.

The one thing I did learn was that love isn't going to heal her. I can't just expect it to go away because she loves me. It doesn't work that way. A relationship isn't going to cure depression. The beginning of a relationship is fun and new and exciting and makes you forget about things for a little while, but then you get back to real life. Real life where you have a job and it's stressful and it doesn't help when you're depressed.

So I did what I had to do for her. I cleaned up, I helped her take baths, I cooked her whatever she wanted whenever she wanted. I did some of her work for her because she couldn't get out of bed. I cleaned her apartment, I did her laundry, I changed the sheets on her bed to hopefully help her sleep at night.

"Dude, you gotta take care of yourself too." I looked at Calum with crazy eyes. I couldn't even tell you the last time I had gotten a full nights sleep without McKinley waking up with nightmares and scaring the shit out of me with her screams.

"I'm fine." I answered sipping on my coffee. "She's been feeling better. She's getting back into routine so I can take it easy. We're gonna go on a date this weekend. It's been a while." I smiled a little. I missed going out to eat with her. We both decided to just go to a small restaurant and not get all dressed up like we usually did for dates, we were just going to have a chill night and relax. It had only been about three weeks since she had seen her doctor and she had decided to go see a therapist just to have someone to talk besides me.

"That's good. Did she get my gift?" Calum asked.

"Yes." I laughed. "She loves it." I smiled. Calum had sent her a body pillow so she had something to cuddle if I wasn't there. "Thank you."

"Of course." He smiled. "We would like you to come out with us some time."

"I know. I was just waiting for her to get better. Next week?" I asked.

"Yeah, sure. Sounds great." He answered as we got to work. McKinley came by and brought me lunch and then decided to call out of work for the rest of the day and do it with me in my office. I sang while we both worked. After that we all headed back to my place for dinner. We sat around drinking and eating and playing video games. McKinley fell asleep on the couch.

"We'll get going man." Ashton said as they stood up. "We know you're tired too."

"Thanks. Thanks for coming by." I stood up and followed them to the door. I slowly closed the door before locking it. I looked at McKinley before finally lifting her and carrying her to my bedroom. I laid her down and got her under the covers before going to shower and getting into bed with her. She automatically curled into me and threw a leg over mine.

"I love you." She mumbled kissing my neck.

"I love you more." I smiled before answering a few emails before putting my phone away. I held her close and thankfully was finally able to sleep.

I knew that we had a long road ahead of us and some days were going to be harder than other's but I was going to here for the good days and I was going to be here for the bad days.