Heart(ache)

Chapter 21: Heart(ache)

Seeing Mercury after the eclipse might have been crushing for Gladiator, Juno, Second or Cherry. He was in a sorry state, to say the least.

After having their home destroyed, the survivors of the eclipse didn't have much of a choice on what to do. Their fields and family were gone, the city destroyed, and the soil tarnished with bodies. Rebuilding was nigh impossible, and with the memories still clinging to this place, they instead opted to move to the next city.

On this journey, Kintra carried Mercury in her backpack. She felt a little responsible, since she had given him his license crystal, but that wasn't her only reason. She found him interesting to study, and also quite cute.

Yvette, on the other hand, decided to take on the lead, since the knights' captain and the duke were nowhere to be found. It seemed she had already abandoned Mercury in her mind, as her eyes were focused only forwards.

Mercury himself did as he was told, really. He ate when asked and walked when asked, though he still seemed to prefer taking the journey in the backpack. He didn't resist when Kintra pet his head either.

All in all, he was simply listless. He didn't speak a word for the entire journey. And by the time they had arrived at the next city, he hadn't changed much physically or mentally.

Kintra got new glasses and a post at the godseeker guild there. Yvette simply moved on, and Cerno decided to pursue a career as a trainer. 

The name of the city they had moved to was Treyno. It was further to the southhwest than the last one, putting it at a fairly safe distance from the war in the north.

As such, it was relied on for production of soldiers and supplies though, which made it a hard, peaceful life - except for Mercury.

His listlessness didn't come from just survivor's guilt; every day and every night he was haunted by nightmares. He saw the rifts opening in front of him, saw those things crawl out of them and scream. In his dreams he died countless times every night, unable to wake up.

But in the end, it didn't change that they were dead. His friends were dead, so what was the point of being afraid of death? Making and losing more of them? Living for their sakes? What a joke.

The dead were just dead. They no longer had any will. They didn't watch. They couldn't.

Death was absolute. It was a border so clearly cut, Mercury couldn't dream of chasing after his friends. But he thought that he also couldn't allow himself to die, since maybe, in life, he would be able to repent.

And thus, his nightmares grew longer every day. The nights stretched from hours to days. His willpower was strong enough to conjure eldritch nightmares, but he couldn't be bothered to continue forward.

It was-

"Pathetic," one of the kids passing by on the streets said once.

No movement. He didn't move when the kid made fun of him and didn't move when her brother said that she was being mean. He didn't move when he pet his head and didn't care when he waved and left.

He didn't move when they started throwing rocks at him and he didn't move when Kintra bandaged his wounds. 

She really tried, too. Kintra had always maintained a smile while near Mercury, partially for his sanity, and partially for her own. She had taken care of him as well as she could, seeing him as a comrade. She was kind. Loving, even.

She bandaged his wounds while telling him to take care each time. She gave him food and even fed it to him on the many days he didn't care to do so himself. 

She talked to him about her new life every day, too. Everything interesting was told to him, be it a godseeker who managed a good hunt, a newbie who just registered, or the arrival of a somewhat famous seeker in town.

And at night, when she heard his breathing quicken, she would get up and pet his head gently, until he slowly calmed down again. 

Every morning she'd prepare sweetened milk for him, taking care to wake up before he did and prepare it early enough.

But through all of it, Mercury remained listless, almost as if he was spitting in the face of her efforts. It wasn't his intention, though. He just didn't care. Couldn't care.

But even if his will was shattered, his heart was still his own. Not that of a failure, not that of a tyrant, and not even that of a king. It was his own, that of someone who chose their own path. The heart of Mercury.

It wasn't on purpose. It was a normal day, really. The girl who was the ringleader stopped in front of the guild as usually, the sun in her back. She wore a red, buttoned shirt, brown, leather pants and a cap of the same colour. She had brought other kids this time, and they started mocking him, as usual.

Mercury was still neatly bandaged and clean, but he had definitely been through the wringer. He was thin and fragile looking, even with the meticulous care Kintra put into making sure he was clean and fed. Still, at this point, it didn't matter. His mind was in his nightmares anyways, until the moment when the girl picked up a rock.

She lightly threw it at Mercury almost like it meant nothing, but this time, her little brother stepped in front of the rock. He had closed his eyes and shut his lips tightly, expecting it would hurt even with how weakly it had been thrown.

But the hit never came. Instead, in front of him he saw a white cat with pinkish stripes. It was just as wounded as it had been before, but this time there was no new bruise. 

"Hey," Mercury croaked with a hoarse voice. "What we-"

"What were you thinking?!" the girl interrupted Mercury. "You could've gotten hurt, Mei! Why did you step in to protect that filthy thing?!"

And the boy, Mei, didn't answer. He only started bawling and sobbing.

Mercury had yet again made someone sad, but this time he was frustrated. He was able to ignore Kintra's guilt. She was taking care of him, sure, but that was also her way of coping. It wasn't a freely given favour, at least that's what he told himself.

But this kid had done him a favour freely. Unprovoked. Hell, the boy didn't even know he was anything but an ordinary cat.

Because of that, he had paid that debt back immediately. Owing someone wasn't great, being owed, on the other hand, was awesome. If he learned anything from capitalism, it would have to be that.

So, since his debt was settled, he laid back down on the mat Kintra had put out from him, but he couldn't even enjoy the sunlight, since the girl in red stepped in front of him again. 

"Disgusting," she said, looking down at Mercury. It didn't bother him much, but when she spoke again, it sure did. "You almost made me hurt my brother, mopaaw. I won't forgive that."

How was this his fault? How fucking self-centered was this brat? He was already having a depression from just losing everything he had built in the last few months, and now this kid thought she had the moral high ground after throwing rocks at him?

Mercury wasn't frustrated with the girl anymore by then, instead, he was now angry. He was being accused of something he never did, by someone who had no right to even judge him. But with a sigh, he resigned himself again.

The girl was just a kid, he couldn't really expect her to treat what she might view as "just an animal" like an equal. So he decided to ignore her, when he felt the tip of her boots tap his side.

"I'm talking to you, mopaaw. What do you think you're doing making my brother cry, huh? You think you can do what you like? Dirty stray. I'll show you."

As the girl continued, her tapping got harder bit by bit and by the time she reached the end of her sentence, she raised her foot to kick him.

This was the end of the line for Mercury.

He viewed all the rocks and hits he had gotten up until now as punishment for how he abandoned his friends. For how he didn't help them, how he wasn't good enough, how he had failed. He saw them as just and fair, because there was something he had to atone for.

But this time there wasn't.

This brat was about to kick him for something he never did. For thoughts he never had. It was entirely unjustified and unfair, without any rhyme or reason to it. And thus, he refused to be hit.

He knew the girl was probably around level 1. She was a kid, so she didn't have much time to raise it, and she wouldn't have gained much exp from combat. Maybe she had killed a few insects and spiders, heck, even a mouse or two. But it couldn't compare to the amount and intensity of the training and fighting Mercury had done. 

Still, his Strength wasn't very high for his given level and his Hp was low, so he couldn't take the hit lightly at all. So, in the split second it took to raise her foot, Mercury decided to allocate 20 of his saved points to Strength.

Strength: 25 -> 45

And then, when the girl kicked, Mercury braced his legs and raised a paw to meet her foot. And he stopped it.

The girl was thrown off balance and stumbled back two steps, only to give him a confused look alongside all of the other kids. Even Mei had stopped crying and was just looking at Mercury now.

And then, he laid back down, closed his eyes and enjoyed the few seconds of sunlight he got, before being lifted off the ground by another kick.

The girl couldn't believe she had failed, and so she kicked Mercury again, right in the stomach, making him spit out some saliva when he was sent into the air. Unfortunately, his landing also wasn't very graceful and since the kick was hard and unexpected, he thought there were probably some cracks in his ribs.

This made Mercury's vision blur a little bit when the girl came in for another kick. Mei was still too stunned to react, but Mercury had been attentive this time, listening to <Intuition> as well. So when the kick came, Mercury was back on his feet and raised a paw to stop it again.

Feeling the pressure go through his body hurt a lot more, now that he had a fresh injury, but he grit his teeth again and stopped the kick, even if it led to him sliding back a few feet. 

With a stunned look on her face, the girl paused for a moment, but then she scrunched up her eyebrows and went in to hurt Mercury again. His defense seemed to make her even more angry, sending her into a childish rage as her superiority was challenged.

In any case, Mercury was reaching the end of his patience, so he decided to put in a little effort. He coursed his mana, boiling a small part it and condensing the magic power in his legs so he wouldn't be pushed back. He also reinforced his torso and chest specifically, so that his ribs and muscles would be strengthened, in order to absorb and survive the shock. 

And when the running kick came in, Mercury raised one of his front paws, pumped it chock full of mana and magical power and stopped the kid in her tracks. It was a good kick, too, she hit him just when she started extending her leg and arching it upwards. 

It might have sent him flying again if he had been lying down, but he wasn't. He didn't move an inch, staring right at the kid as the look of confusion on her face slowly turned into fear. Instinctively, she tried pulling her foot back, but Mercury extended his claws, holding on to her shoe. While she should have been easily able to pull him, since he was lighter than her, his usage of mana prevented that from happening.

For a moment, the girl lost more of her balance and almost fell, before catching herself and tugging on her leg again. Then she tried again and then a few more times, slowly she seemed more scared and almost panicked at the thought of what would happen next. But Mercury decided to stop there. He simply retracted his claws, turned around, and walked back as the girl fell onto her ass from her leg suddenly being freed.

And for a moment, he enjoyed the peace and quiet. 

It was a good feeling, having shown a kid the consequences an action can have without actually hurting them. And it was absolutely worth the points, too.

At that very moment, his heart formulated a desire by itself, without Mercury even noticing. 

It wasn't a grandiose one, like ruling over hundreds of peers or being the strongest in the world. Heck, he didn't even necessarily want to fight in the war.

His desire was entirely different from that. It culminated into a single message of the system.

[You have accepted the trial. Completion conditions: Beat your slump and move forward. Failure conditions: Fall back into depression. Reward: <Calm> Skill. Penalty: <Status Effect Vulnerability>.]

Well. It would seem that this time he wasn't given much of a choice, but did that really matter when he already decided? 

Mercury smirked a little to himself. Right, this was okay. It was time anyways. Time for Mercury Starlight Rainfall to take the steps back up on stage.