The Maid’s Hesitation

Lilia quietly set up the food at the dining room table. It wasn't anything complex. It seemed like Zenith wasn't feeling well since she only made some soup.

That wasn't enough though, so Lilia baked some bread to go along with it.

After slicing the fresh loaf, Lilia arranged everything neatly around the table and then walked over to the window to check on the mother and son pair outside.

Seeing the majestic new tree in the distance, Lilia let out soft smile and said, "Rudy is amazing as always."

She had always been impressed by him since the time he was an infant. But watching him grow up into a kind-hearted and humble child despite his innate genius, Lilia couldn't help but be proud.

But because of that, she was also troubled.

Lilia shifted her gaze down towards Zenith and Rudy.

The two were seated together beneath the tree, having a tender discussion. It was a picture-perfect scene. A lovely mother quietly tending to her sweet child.

And that reminded Lilia of her recent conflict.

She noticed that Paul had been looking at her different lately.

When she first took the job, Paul stared at her with an indecent gaze. He tried to hide it, of course. But that man couldn't help but eye beautiful women... especially women with large breasts. That part of him hadn't changed.

But Lilia didn't mind. After dealing with the fat nobles in the Asura Kingdom and all of their harassment, she felt that Paul was much better. All he did was look, after all.

Well, he did much more than just look with Zenith, but that was a mutual thing, so it wasn't indecent.

In any case, Paul had been staring at Lilia with an indecent gaze since the time she took on the job as their maid.

But that gaze had changed recently.

Instead of the lecherous eyes that seemed to be undressing her at every turn or imagining her bare body, Paul's gaze these days was soft. Not only that, but she noticed that he lingered a bit more on her these days, cared just a tiny bit more. Looked at her like a person instead of as another girl to lay with.

And that made Lilia's heart throb.

Five years. It had been over five years of her listening to Paul and Zenith late at night. Over five years of entering their room that reeked of their love and cleaning the aftermath. Over five years of doing her best to not think about her first time with Paul and how different he would be now that he became a responsible and thoughtful man instead of that reckless and inconsiderate youth.

So when Lilia noticed that Paul's emotions were starting to change, she was tempted. She was starting to reach her limit. And she thought that it wouldn't be so bad if it was just once.

But then she thought about Rudy.

Rudy, the sweet and intelligent child who loved her as much as his own mother.

It had been a long time since Lilia believed in anything like love or compassion. Especially when directed towards her.

As a guards-maid for the Asura Kingdom's concubines, she was just another tool. An object to be used by whomever and thrown away as needed. To take whatever was given without question and quietly accept it.

And after she lost her purpose, she was thrown away. After losing her ability to fight, Lilia could be considered lucky to not lose her life.

But she was luckier than that.

After losing her purpose, she found a new life. Not only a new life, but she rediscovered emotions she thought had been wornout and gained things she never had.

Unconditional love and support from Rudy. What it meant to have someone believe and accept you just for being you.

Friendship and fun from Zenith. What it meant to have someone to talk to about idle things and spend time together.

...Desire and appreciation from Paul. What it meant to have someone want you not just for your body, but as a person.

The last emotions were new. And with them, she experienced new emotions as well.

A longing. A yearning.

Lilia couldn't help but imagine it. Herself with a child of her own and a loving husband to take care of that child...

She remembered the tender gaze that Paul had given Zenith at the moment Rudy was born. The sheer joy and happiness in both of their eyes.

If she could experience that for herself...

It would have been fine if it was someone else. Lilia was sure that Paul and Zenith would support her if she found a man and started her own family.

Except, the only man she could imagine herself being with... was Paul.

He was different now. The brash, arrogant, and reckless young man had turned into a calm and responsible father. He still had his faults, but he became a respectable man.

And Lilia wanted him.

Try as she might to deny it, she couldn't.

The one who took her first time. The one who reached out his hand to her again after she no longer had anywhere else to turn. The one whose sweet son cared for her as his own mother...

But she couldn't allow it. She drew a line and held herself back. She purposefully kept that distance because she loved Rudy and Zenith as much as she wanted Paul. She cared too much to destroy the happy family they had right now.

Yet, she couldn't ignore it. The fact that Paul wanted her as well...

Lilia clenched her hands and lowered her head.

"...This is fine." Lilia purposefully spoke her thoughts out loud. Like an oath, she said, "I won't wish for anything else."

This was her lot in life.

A maid.

That was all she could be. All she would be. Someone to be used and someone who would only support. Not someone who had her own value.

It was enough.

It had to be enough.

Even if she never started a family of her own.

Even if her heart ached every time she had that fantasy of herself with Paul and her own child...

'Even if Rudy forgets about you when he grows up and leaves?'

Lilia flinched and looked around.

That...!

"Lily?"

Another voice. Zenith's.

Lilia blinked and then noticed that Zenith had returned with Rudy quietly trailing behind her.

Lilia also noticed that the atmosphere was different. She blinked and looked at Rudy.

Rudy met her gaze and then looked away.

*ba-dump*

Lilia's heart raced.

Did... Did Zenith notice? No, did Rudy notice and tell Zenith?

That...

Before Lilia could think about anything else, Zenith sighed and said, "Can we talk? Just the two of us."

Lilia turned to look at Rudy. "And the young master?"

Rudy walked up to Lilia and gave her a hug. "It'll be alright, Miss Lilia. Just be honest with Mommy, okay? ...I don't want you to leave."

Lilia tensed.

...It was certain than.

Lilia looked back to Zenith.

Unlike her usual carefree smile, there was a neutral and thoughtful expression.

That only made Lilia more worried.

But to reassure her, Rudy patted Lilia's back and said, "It'll work out, Miss Lilia. Now..." He stepped back and looked at Zenith. "I'll go out to play in the forest and leave you and Miss Lilia to talk. Is that okay Mommy?"

Zenith nodded. "That's fine, Rudy. But be back before dark."

Rudy smiled. "I will. ...I have to make sure you don't kill Dad after all."

Zenith laughed. A cold and merciless laugh. "Don't worry, Rudy. I won't do that to your father. He still has to take responsibility after all."

...Responsibility?

Lilia blinked, confused at the turn of events.

Rudy waved and said, "I'll be back later, Mom! Bye, Miss Lilia! Love you both!"

And with that, Rudy left.

That meant it was just Zenith and Lilia.

"...Let's sit down first." Zenith walked over to the dining room table and sat down.

Lilia quietly sat down across from her.

A tense silence.

And then...

"Lily." Zenith looked at Lilia and said, "Do you love Paul?"

Lilia froze.