Chapter 12: The Brewing Storm Within

It's strange, the way a small change can feel like the beginning of something much bigger than you ever expect.

Over the next few days, I found myself wrestling with that feeling—like something was shifting inside me, but I wasn't sure what it was yet. Maybe it was because I'd let Haruka in, or maybe it was Kaito's words still echoing in my mind, telling me I didn't have to carry my pain alone.

But the hardest part was still ahead of me. The fear. The guilt. The years of self-doubt I'd built up in the quiet moments when I thought no one was looking.

I was starting to realize that opening up didn't just mean talking about the present. It meant digging into the past, pulling things into the light that I had buried for years. And honestly? That terrified me.

—-~

It was a Thursday afternoon when the storm began.

I had been feeling okay, or at least, I had been pretending to. The conversations with Haruka were easier now, and Kaito hadn't backed off despite my attempts to push him away. But it was during lunch, when I sat with the group as we usually did, that something inside me cracked.

Yuto was talking about his latest video game obsession, Aki was teasing him, and Haruka was listening with that quiet smile of hers, who recently joined us after Miyu and the rest left. It wasn't like we had a massive argument, things just got distant in terms of friendship, but they do appear time by time.

Nevertheless, I wasn't really there. I was barely listening.

I was thinking about my mom.

I hadn't thought about her in a while—at least, not consciously. But today, the memory of her hit me like a tidal wave.

My mom had been the first person I ever sorta trusted. The first person who had made me feel safe enough to open up. But she was also the first person who showed me what it felt like to be left behind.

When she left after a intense argument between dad, it was like I had to rebuild my entire world from scratch. My dad, who had always been distant, became even more withdrawn. And I? I had learned how to bury everything. How to build walls around the parts of me that were too fragile to face.

I had never really let anyone see the wreckage of that time—how much it had hurt, how much it still hurt. I had buried it deep inside me, thinking that if I didn't face it, perhaps it wouldn't hurt so much.

—-~

I felt something heavy in my chest, like a hand was squeezing my heart. My vision blurred for a second, and I realized I was holding my breath.

"Hey, Kai?"

I looked up. Haruka was watching me, her expression concerned. The others had stopped talking too, all of them suddenly aware that something was wrong.

I shook my head, trying to force the storm inside me to quiet down. I didn't want to talk about it. Not now. Not in front of them.

"I'm fine," I said, my voice tight, but even I could hear the lie. My hands were clenched into fists in my lap, and my stomach was a tight knot.

"You sure?" Haruka asked gently, not buying my response.

I didn't know how to explain what was going on inside me. How could I? How could I explain something that even I didn't fully understand?

"Yeah," I muttered, forcing a half-hearted smile. "Just tired. I think I need some rest."

There was a pause before she nodded, but I could see the doubt in her eyes. I hated that she could see through me like that. She knew something was off, and I could feel the weight of that awareness hanging between us.

"I get it," she said, standing up. "Don't push yourself, Kai. We're here if you need to talk."

Her words hit me harder than I expected. Because, deep down, I knew I wasn't ready to talk. Not about my mom. Not about the pain that had shaped everything about me.

But what was I supposed to do? How could I tell her that the thing I was most afraid of was the thing I needed to face the most?