prologue

Drip

Drip

what's that sound?

Drip

no, never mind that, why can't I see.

Drip

and. . .breathe?, it feels like I can't breathe. . .

Drip

I start panicking, why can't I breathe!?

Drip

I try to think back to what happened but it's all a blur.

Drip

My heart starts pounding and suddenly pain shoots through me.

Drip

Drip

Drip

the dripping and pain intensifies with the pounding of my heart

drip

I start hyperventilating and the pain skyrockets.

drip

I try to scream but my throat feels all wet and sticky and all that comes out is a gurgled mess

drip

and it's at that point it finally dawns on me.

drip

I'm. . . dying

drip

my struggle dies down as the realization sinks in

drip

what is one supposed to feel when in a situation like this, panic? defiance? acceptance? I don't know. My emotions were a mess and I couldn't find out before flashes went off in my head.

it took me a while before i figured out these flashes were my memories, not in any particular order of importance just random flashes, like times I tripped and was comforted by the caretakers of the orphanage or when I climbed up a tree and got stuck.

I start crying as the flashes of memories continue, of the good and the bad. All of them just keep coming and I cry harder if that's even possible, I don't want to die, I'm only 17 danm it, I still have my whole life ahead of me. why do I have to die!?

I kept asking but never got my answer, and soon enough I just felt tired, really tired. I don't even think I'm breathing anymore.

so, there I lay, alone and dying with no one by my side to comfort me. with my final moments edging closer I started to contemplate my life, of how i spent long hours studying for a good future refusing invites to parties, or making friends. all that studying paid off eventually when I was able to get into a good college. I was so excited, my life was finally going to begin.

but then tragedy struck and now here I am. I would have laughed if I could, at the hilarity and joke that was my life.

if I could have a second chance, I want to have a calm and peaceful life, without the complications of studying for a future or living through a pandemic. I wouldn't mind just being reincarnated as a koi fish, maybe having my own little pond. ye that's it, I want to be a koi fish with my own little pond, just relaxing and swimming freely. heh, wouldn't that be a dream.