December 1, 2020 Tuesday

Hello Self!

For a moment I was confused that it's Monday today haha. Everything is going well. My condition is improving. And this is the first time when today, I attended all my online classes seriously, without skipping even a minute. A new record, isn't it? Well.. about today.. As usual I woke up late. Mom scolded me again that I sleep like a crocodile who won't wake up even if the house is on fire. And.. ahemm. Upto some points, I do agree with her😅. The day started lazy and ended lazy. But I did a little work in between. I don't know why, but I downloaded messanger again. Just checked some old chats. It felt like I am living those moments again. But as usual, No use of them. Everything is destroyed.

Also today, I saw many people in GCs getting excited bcoz it's the month of Christmas. Everyone is excited except me, because I don't celebrate Christmas. Wait . hold on. Don't judge me dear. Its not like I have grudges against the festival. The only reason is that, I am not a Christian. In my nearby areas, some non Christian families also celebrate Christmas, but haha.. as I said.. I don't. So, for me.. there is nothing exciting about this month. The only thing I feel happy about it is that it's the last month of 2020. Finally, 2020 is going now. And you will agree with me, every person, either from any part if the world they are, have faced problems in this year.

All starred with Australian Bushfire in January and see... where it ended with all the vibe if Covid-19 virus. When almost all of the world stopped for almost a complete year. And that year is about to end. So, everyone is hoping that with new year, there will be new things in life. Everything will change for better and the earth will be back on its schedule.

Haha.. I became like a lecturar. Hope it wasn't boring. But it's nice to talk about something which is coming into your mind again and again.

Another thing which I want to tell is that we weere going to have some practice exams to be held offline in school. As you know, I haven't studied well so I don't have courage to go to school and sit in exams. So, I talked with dad about it. Of course I didn't tell him the real reason. After giving so many excuses, Dad allowed that yes I don't need to sit into the exams. Another stress out of my mind. And believe me, talking to you helps me more dear. You understand me properly. Even tho you don't answer, but I can feel your suggestions. I am glad to have you dear. Love you. ❤️

Well, as they say.. a day can't be completely happy. That's what happened at the end. While talking,I came to know that a friend of my friend tried to commit suicide. It was really shocking for me. Thank god that it wasn't successful and she is safe now. The reason behind this action was that her boyfriend and she ended up having a break up. She couldn't take it. It was a push for me. How can someone take such a large step just because of this stupid action? How?

But after listening about her, I remembered those days when I used to feel suicidal. I always thought that in what way I can escape. But none of my steps were ever successful and I am glad for that. And I was still a child when I felt this depressed. And believe me, I had my reasons. And at that age, these reasons were enough for me to quit the world. Many times, I tried to run away from my house, but I couldn't. I still remember the first note I wrote when j was thinking too seriously about it.

"I am leaving the house. Please don't search for me. I am going far away."

I stuck this note on the main gate of my house and stepped out. But I don't know why,I couldn't go even four steps far from my house. I rushed back to the door, took out the note and threw it into the gutter. Believe me, I was just 9 years old when I took this step. But now when I think about it.. I feel ashamed of myself. And I also feel glad that I didn't take any severe step.

Whoosh!!!! It really feels good removing all the load out of the head. Well .. I think this much is enough for today. I will be back tomorrow again with a new day and a new tale from my childhood. Wait for me ok!

Bbye.

Good night 😘

{--PS--}

[If there is someone who is really reading it, please leave atleast any comment on it. I would be happy to know your thoughts too. And, I will be glad that someone is really reading it. Or just the increasing no. of readers and no responses feels a little bad haha.. hope you understand. Bbye]