Loki of Ásgarðr

This feeling of wrongness did not appear right away. I felt it for a while, but it started so light, that it was hard to notice. So I did not. But day by day it was getting stronger and stronger.

It got to the point, that I start the day with {wrong, wrong, wrong} and end it with even more frustration and confusion. I checked myself for cursed and got no result. Then I checked for enchantments- the same.

So, i started to look for patterns. If I find out what triggers it, I mind find out how to break free.

Result was a bit shocking to accept. The more I acted like I would like to act, the more wrong it felt. I would vow that's sounds like a curse, but it's not. I checked myself maybe thousand times, I performed curse breaking rituals, I went even beyond that and followed few questionable rituals with questionable substances of questionable practices.

The weirdest part of all questionable actions that I took to break of something that make me feel {wrong, wrong, wrong} - I started to feel it more sharp, more precise.

Then dreams came. In dreams I acted like I would like to act and there were results that I would have and at the beginning I did not pay attention to that, until dreams started to repeat in reality and the more I followed the same "script" the more {wrong, wrong, wrong} I felt.

It freaked me out! I know enough about Seers. Of course I know, my Mother is one of them! The issue is that seer can get completely mad, crazy, loco. Especially if they try to tell what they see. That's why Mother never answer any questions about what to happen, she only can suggest to what to look for or pay attention for.

There are many theories that explain why. The problem is that nobody is going to risk their own mind to prove them.

Most reasonable theory says that Seer mind cannot comprehend time paradox and feedback loop for never ending changes when Seer decide to tell future and it starts to change, but he already doing it so past changes and Seer already is changing what he/she says and it change future and past and mind get into endless loop of echos of changes.

So in my case, if I had a dream, then my memory of the dream had to change if I do different, because my changes should affect my dream and then affect my action and then affect my dream and affect my actions etc, etc, etc.

I was mortified to go to sleep. Then I got mortified every time, when I felt {wrong, wrong, wrong}. Because if this feeling is power of seer then any changes is potentially a source of time paradox and I can spiral into madness any time.

So I locked myself in my Chamber and declined to come out. I probably over reacted, but I really freaked out! At that point I did not sleep for a month already and it was drawing on my magical core dearly to sustain my body.

It took my Mother two month cycles to figure out that something is wrong. To be honest, it's not first time I withdraw to my Chamber and all previous times, it was related to some magical research, but it never lasted more than one month cycle.

I did not take care about myself at all. It's hard to remember to eat and take shower, when you are freaking out to fall asleep and get caged to the future to do not get mad.

I laughed hollow and catches myself that I sound and look all way to the point of already being mad.

It's exactly how my Mother found me in my self prescribed isolation in my Chamber

"Oh, darling, what happen!"

I spin around and found her standing in entrance doorway with one hand covering her mouth and visible distress on her face. Thanks Norns, she was alone, otherwise I can bet on my horn helmet, by tomorrow all Ásgarðr would whisper that Prince Loki finally got crazy. Maybe they will celebrate. I played her question in my mind, tuned to my perception to make sure that {wrong, wrong, wrong} is not here. I don't want to loose it just because ….

"I think I am Seer"

Mother face lost few shades of colour and she visibly bite on her hand to suppress her reactions. After the moment , she rapidly crossed distance and enveloped me into hug. That felt nice.

"Oh, darling"

She guided me to sitting area, where i usually

spent my time reading or accepting rare guests. Now when I think about it, when I had guest last time? I don't remember. Am I finally loosing it?

Mother did not ask stupid questions, if I am sure. She did not jump to assumption , as many other people do around me most of the time, expecting me doing something to manipulate, lie or other not "honourable" actions.

"What can you tell me?" Yeah, that is completely correct question to ask someone who get trapped to possibility to get crazy over time paradox.

"I saw dreams and then they happen."

Sharp breath and tight hug were her response. Of course she understood what does it means. It means that if I try to change anything, I would got stuck in time paradox and loose my mind.

"How long you did not sleep?"

"Almost two month cycles, since last dream."

We were sitting and I just melted to her hug. I felt like a small boy all over again, hiding from the monster in my mother hug. I felt drifted away…

I woke up with panic, it is dangerous to sleep!

"I am here, darling. Shush, you are safe. You are not alone"

Gentle and caring voice of my Mother calmed me enough to relax my body and fall back to her tight hug.

"Again?"

"No, how long?"

"Two days"

That's got me surprised. So I broke a hug and looked at her. She looked worried and winded and in the same closes.

"I slept for two days?"

"Yes, you were exhausted and your magic depleted. Do you feel like you can eat?"

"I don't want anyone to come"

She smiled with her gentle and all understanding smile. Of course she understood. No visitors, no possibility to trigger another paradox. Then she summoned food to small table that stands next to sofa , where we were sitting.

"Here"

Next 15 minutes we spent eating together. There were light fruits and cheese selection, with juices and water. Nothing heavy to eat and to break fast.

"It started over six month ago. Not dreams. First I thought I was cursed. I got this weird feeling regularly. The more I act the way I usually act the more I felt it. So I thought I was cursed. I did all cleansing rituals and some other things. As a result it sharped my perception of this feeling and two month cycles ago first dream happen."

Mother was listening carefully. Paying attention to what I said, knowing that I have to be careful what I say.

"It's to fast."

"I know, since then I read everything that we have on it. There were nothing that would trigger awakening Seer powers prior that. It just started out of no were …. "

"I can relate to dreams, but this feeling that you are talking about. I never heard anything like that"

"Yes, and there are no records about anything like that too. But I feel it's connected, the same origin. I have tried to change my behaviour as a way to break a curse. The less I act my usual self the less this weird feeling happens. But then dreams started and I had to go the same way as a dream, you know. And this feeling was very strong."

"It make no sense! If that feeling you are talking about has the same origin as a seer powers, you would get overwhelmed the first time you started to act on it! Time paradox would create endless loop of cause-effect-cause and you would cease to exists first time you acted on it." at the end she were whispering with mortified edge to it.

"I …. Did not think about that. "

"I understand. We can safely assume, that that feeling does not have the same effect as a seer powers then, otherwise you would already suffer from it. But if you act on it and avoid doing something that you would do, you got dreams. And when time catches up with a dream, you have the same feeling that is safe to act on?"

"Mother, are you saying that my dreams might be excluded from time paradox effect as well?"

That…. was unexpected! Now I can see how it might be, but before I was so caught in fear to loose my mind, that I did not pay attention to that.

"That is not something, I am willing to test, Loki. What if we are wrong and we loose you?"