Chapter 5: The Walls we Create

Emma's head whirling with everything that had transpired, the vehicle trip home was a haze. She wanted to remain as well. She had wanted to see where the tug between them went, let herself yield. But something deep and terrible had stopped her within.

It was the same voice she had always struggled with, the same anxiety keeping her from allowing anybody to get too near. Lucas Stone was too risky; she had erected barriers around herself for a specific purpose. He might shatter those barriers and destroy all she had worked so hard to guard.

She couldn't get rid of the recollection of his touch, however, even as she sat at the rear of the vehicle and her fingers shook in her lap. The way his palm had felt on hers, the way his eyes had fixed her as if he could see right through her barriers.

She detested it. Hated his making her feel vulnerable. Though everything, hated how much she desired him.

Emma sank her face in her hands as she slumped on the sofa when she at last arrived home. She knew nothing about what to do. She had no idea how she may halt the tempest building inside of her.

She knew Lucas Stone was shattering her barriers, but she wasn't sure she could have the will to stop him.

Emma's apartment's windows let sunshine flood in the following morning, but it had little effect on her attitude. Thoughts of Lucas, of the tension that had hummed between them all night, and of how near she had gone to letting her guard down still clouded her head.

She had hardly slept, wriggling around in her bed as thoughts of their supper played back in her head. Lucas had seen her as the only thing that mattered. His hand had felt warm and firm against hers. And the way her emotions had almost deceived her, dragging her toward him despite knowing it was a mistake.

Emma sighed then forced herself from the sofa and approached her easel. Her studio was the one place she could find comfort when the commotion of the outside world—including her emotions—was backgrounded. But even her artistic haven today couldn't calm the turmoil within her.

Lucas's commission's drawings were strewn across the floor, half-finished ideas only waiting to be developed. Usually the creative process came naturally for her, but today her ideas were disorganized and her mind could not concentrate on anything but the guy invading her thoughts.

Her fingers firmly grasping the charcoal pencil, she sat down in front of the easel and attempted to focus. But every time she closed her eyes, all she could picture was Lucas—his dark eyes, his certain grin, the way he had talked to her as if he knew her better than anyone else.

She sighed angrily, threw the pencil down, then buried her face in her hands. Why couldn't she quit thinking about him? Why was she letting him irritate her?

Emma thought about ignoring her phone buzz on the table next to her for a minute. Her heart skipped a beat however, as she looked at the screen and saw Lucas's name.

Her fingertips hanging over the screen, she fixed a momentful glance at the message. Her logical side advised her to ignore it and go before things became more convoluted. But the other side of her—that which had been pulled to Lucas from the minute they crossed paths—was powerless.

Lucas is I hope you are doing ok. Tell me when you would be most ready to discuss the project once again.

It was professional, straightforward. Emma, however, sensed the unsaid tension still hovering between them and could not help but read between the lines. She knew nothing to say or how to reply. Not after what had almost occurred last night, she wasn't sure she was ready to see him once again.

Her fingers moved on their own, composing a brief response, however, before she could obsess over it.

Emma: I'll inform you. I should have a little more time.

She pushed send and quickly came to her senses. Why was she dragging on this? Why couldn't she just complete the job, get it over with, and move on?

A voice in the back of her head murmured because she wanted not to go on. You yearn more.

Emma shook her head, attempting to drive the idea away. She refused to let Lucas captivate her. Not when she had laboured so hard to protect her heart. Not when she realized giving herself once again may bring about the same heartache she had experienced before.

She could not help but think, however, what if Lucas were different even as she attempted to persuade herself that this was the correct choice. Suppose he deviated from the others?

Emma later that evening was standing in front of her studio window, staring out at the metropolitan skyline as the sun sank below the horizon. The city's lights glittered far away, giving the streets below a cosy warmth.

She couldn't, however, ignore the ideas whirling in her head even with the beauty of the city. She had not been able to concentrate on her work all day, and now as the evening descended she felt more restless than ever.

Her phone buzzed once again, and this time she paused then looked at the screen. Additional advice from Lucas.

Lucas said: I want to witness the development. Perhaps tomorrow? Not under pressure; just a brief check-in.

Emma read the message and her heart shot. He was just requesting a professional update, but she understood what seeing him would imply. She was not ready to see him once again or to face the feelings that had surfaced the last time they had been together.

Still, part of her want to see him once more despite the uncertainty and her anxiety. Desired that link, that tug that had been indisputable from the beginning.

She wrote her response with shaking fingers.

Emma: tomorrow is good. Let us gather in the studio.

She sent before she changed her mind, and she felt panic flash over her right away. tomorrow. She was scheduled to visit Lucas tomorrow. She also had no notion how she may manage it.

Emma came the following day much too soon for her taste. Though it was more out of anxious energy than any true desire for order, she spent the morning pacing around her studio attempting to clean the area. Her unfinished, blank canvas on her easel appeared to taunt her; her drawings were still strewn around the floor.

She looked at the time clock. Any minute Lucas would be here.

Her heart thumping in her chest, she sought to cool herself. This was just a corporate conference. That was all they were going to discuss—the project. She could maintain professionalism in her dealings. She was obliged to.

All of her well practiced ideas went out the window, however, when the doorbell rang and she opened the door to see Lucas standing there.

Looking as calm as ever, he wore a fitted suit that accentuated his even more perfect beauty. Emma almost forgot how to breathe as his black eyes softened onto hers.

"Emma," he whispered, his voice gentle and quiet. "It's good to see you."

Her heart skipped at his words, then she faked a grin. "Your too."

Her fingers quivering somewhat, she moved aside to allow him enter and closed the door behind him. Lucas entered the studio, his eyes darting over the half-finished ideas and strewn drawings throughout the floor.

Emma responded fast, "sorry for the mess," and went to get some of the papers. "I have been a little unfocused."

Lucas grinned and cast a knowing glance. "I can see that."

Emma could sense the friction between them, the same tug she had experienced from their first meeting. She was unsure of how to stop it or of how to control her feelings around him.

Lucas grabbed one of the floor-based drawings and studied it for a time before turning back toward her. "This is amazing," he replied, his voice full of respect. You have just what I was looking for.

Emma bowed her head and reddened at the praise, then she felt suddenly bashful. "This is only a preliminary drawing. I still have a lot of work ahead of me.

Lucas shook his head, laid the drawing down, and moved toward her. "No, Emma," said Perfect is exactly what it is.

Her heart hammered as he approached, his presence drowning her senses. She smelled the slight trace of his fragrance and could feel the heat emanating from him. She also felt as if he could read every idea, every feeling she had attempted to suppress as he met her gaze.

"I— Emma began, her voice shaking. I should go back to work.

Lucas motionless, however. He remained where he was, his eyes fixed on hers, the air between them laden with unsaid messages.

"You are always working," he remarked gently, his voice like a caress. Perhaps it is time for a break.

Emma's breath froze in her throat as his fingers barely touched hers. Her was shocked by the touch, and for a minute she was unable to think or breathe. Her only sensation was the warmth of his flesh on hers, her own heart's steady pulse resounding in her ears.

She said, "I can't," her voice almost audible. "Lucas, I am not able to do this."

She understood, however, that the things she said were untrue even as she spoke them. More than she had ever wanted anything, she wanted this—wanted him. And it scared her as well.

Lucas's hand stayed for a second more before he turned away, his eyes black with feeling. Though his voice betrayed a hint of sadness, he added softly, "I understand."

Emma tried to calm her beating heart by hard swallowing. She was in need of distance. She had to stop and consider.

She remarked hurriedly, stepping back to complete the commission. "I just... need some time.

Lucas nodded, his facial expression incomprehensible. "Take all the time required."

He turned and left the studio with that, Emma left by alone in the quiet. Her head was a disorganized mass of emotions while her heart continued to hammer. She ran not knowing what to do. She had no idea how to break free from the draw between them.

And part of her was unsure about her desire.