Facing My Fears

I had to get use to Amanda being there all the time and I still barely spoke much to her but she also didn't speak much and that suited us fine. Both sebastian and lucas would make excuses to talk with her, make sudden appearances, wanting to tag along, it has become a constant annoyance. It's seem that I always have a person with me, at work, at home, in which ever car I'm in, whether I'm driving or not.

Since being home, I feel a lot less scared, a lot less paranoid although I still watch over my back constantly just to ease my nerves. Work is what builds me up, I have a pep talk everyday and a silent prayer as I walk inside to give myself strength.

A lot of the people only see me come and go, they see me at meetings and probably wonder whose wife I am until I started walking in with Amanda everyday and now that's a new subject.

Walking In to the shared lounge with Amanda I suddenly heard a female voice raised and walked towards Raniera room, I pulled opened the door and stepped inside with Amanda right behind me "You can go to hell for all I care, I quit", A beautiful brunette with straight hair, bright green eyes and perfectly shaped mouth spoke furiously to my eldest brother who was standing in front of her breathing like a bull with horns "Quit as many times as you like but I will not accept it, not now not evert; Raniera fumed I looked at a shocked Amanda who exited "You don't appreciate anything, so I am done you self righteous jerk," the beautiful lady seethed at him, "I do appreciate everything, that's why you ain't leaving," he smirked at the fuming brunette in front of him,

when I decided to interrupt them "Oooh"I quickly pulled out my phone, interupting them, when both of them turned in my direction "Who are you?, the pretty lady asked as I waited for my call to be answered, I smiled casually, watching my brother reining in his temper, "Raana not now" my eldest brother spoke "Don't take it personally, he just cares too much," I spoke as I walked towards my brothers chair and sat myself down when my call was finally answered "This is cold now can you make a hot one, please," I said to my brother whose face was staring daggers at me, ,"Hello," my mother's voice floated through my ear piece as my brother walks over snatched the pot and walked out, leaving us alone, "i'm assuming your Olivia?", I said to the pretty woman "Yes I am, l've never seen anyone speak to Mr King like that? she spoke shocked "I'm Akarana King but my family call me Raana," I said introducing myself, "Don't mind him, he's obviously trying to vent his frustration, I been stressing them all out lately, with my sudden return,' I laughed when her face finally relaxed I just met Olivia," I spoke out loud to my mother " Hello, Olivia" my mother's soft voice floated through the speaker, "Hello Mrs King," Olivia spoke, "I apologise on behalf of Raniera, please excuse his behaviour, I can honestly say that his mood will get better," my mother's soft voice came through "He's such an asshole", she spoke, making us three laugh when the devil himself came knocking and baring a new coffee, "Thank you" I spoke as I made me a large mug "I wanted to be nosey," I spoke to my brother as he sat on the table facing me staring at the automatically silent Olivia, " We have visitors coming tonight," he spoke looking at me "Why?," I asked as I took a sip of my coffee, "Cause they asked," he spoke matter of fact "Okay, " I spoke as I refilled his mug and took the coffee pot he made and walked out.

"She is beautiful" I whispered to my mother who was wondering why I called and then left her hanging "She is but that's not why you rang", my mother replied "He likes her mum," I said as I walked straight into my room ,"He was arguing about her wanting to quit," I exhaled as I shut my door and sat on my lounger chair "Hes been working himself and her too hard these past few years," mum was saying but my excitement was screaming "Mum I am serious, she's going to be your son's wife the way he's going," I said with a squeal, I was just so happy I could jump up and down "Well let's see what happens," my mother's optimism was seriously killing my vibe "Sound more enthusiastic, I'm dying over here," I groaned as my mother's soft laughter came through "I'm right because, his reactions are quick like he's scared she will leave, watch this space and you will have to buy me a spa day" I spoke as my mother's laughter died "I've missed you Raana so hurry up and I will see you later," my mother voice spoke. Abit emotionally "Yes Màmà," I spoke as I hung up and went through everything I needed. An hour later there was a knock on my door and in walked Olivia "Hi," I said looking at her while my fingers typed away "Mr King made a reservation and wants to leave now," she spoke as I nodded standing up and grabbing my coat, following her out.

The restaurant was bustling as always when we walked in, when I female stood in the way and seemed to throw herself at my brother "Darling have you forgotten me," she purred as my brothers whole aura vibrated "Miss Lane please refrain from touching me,' he spoke as I laughed leaning towards him "Your blocking the pathway,' I said as I pushed past with Olivia who was silent, when the lady suddenly lost her balance, and tried grabbing onto Olivia who happened to be closer to her, was pulled away, as the lady fell to the floor and starting screaming obscenities, the three of us were just standing there with shocked faces when I turned to look at my brother who had Olivia in his arms talking quietly to her, "HOW DARE YOU PUSH ME," the lady started screaming, when she stood staring at me "I bursted out laughing, "Who is this?," I asked not looking away from her, as I pulled my foot back ready to strike her for her comment, when our manager came rushing out "Miss King I will deal with her," as he spoke politely "She has been causing problems throughout out the day," he said as I stepped towards her "I don't appreciate anyone touching, screaming or causing a scene in my establishment without my say so," I spat down at the female who has quickly gotten off the floor "I will give you a few seconds to remove her or your fired," I spoke to the manager as I walked away from the crazy lady.

"Raana", my mother's voice called as I spun in her direction "Màmà whose that?," I asked as I walked towards her, when I noticed a couple she was talking too "Well that's the most tamest thing I have ever seen of you Akarana," Nicole Lucas spoke as she gave me a big hug, this is Noah's mother and his father sat to her right "Good to see you home Akarana," Grayson Lucas spoke as he gave me a hug and sat back down. "That is Sentry Lane, her mother is Caroline Lane the supermodel," my mother explained. The rest of our lunch went by real quick and before I knew it we were back at the office.

During dinner I had recounted the events of the day to everyone in fits of laughter at the audacity of the girl named Sentry Lane with my mother interjecting what we walked in on and how she happened to end up sprawled at our feet when we tried entering. Laughing with my family and my son was something to be admired, I started to feel myself a day at a time. My eldest brother walked in with Noah beside him when two others walked in behind them, the look on my face was priceless. Both men walked and made their way around the room, I was rooted to the spot that I just sat there stunned until they were both standing in front of me "Well hello princess," Red was the first to speak as he stared down at me, i blinked twice before I launched myself at him, and just squeezed the hell out of him, when I was then removed from red into another pair of arms as the tears just silently slid down my face as I was enveloped into a familiar embrace "Hii," I spoke as I hiccup came out while I stepped back and wiped my tears "Surprise," I said as I straightened up "This is my Adam," I said as I introduced my son who was staring bug eyed at them "Grab yous a plate," my father spoke as both men joined the table.

"These are your uncle's, they're same ages as mummy, you okay?," I whispered to my son who was openly staring at them, "Will they hurt us, is that why you cried?," he asked as his whole entire body was faced in their direction, "No, I haven't seen them since I was pregnant with you," I answered as I pulled his chair closer to me, my son was a spitting image of his father but had my temperament, mannerisms and features, "Are you home for good or a holiday?," Blues husky voice asked as my head snapped in his direction, "For good, it's better for us," I said as I answered honestly "bastian, can you take Adam to bed please?," I asked my brother, as I hugged my son before he followed his uncle out "Why?," Red asked, "Because it's safer," I answered truthfully, turning to look at him "I didn't walk away to be exact, I ran like the wind with my son in tow," I said matter of fact as my parents both got up and left the room, "Is their any chance your go back to him?," Blue asked, as I thought about this question, as I ponder about that everyday. I struggle with that everyday, the WHAT IF? I loved him with everything I had. I forgave everything he did, everything he said, everytime he did it. I was willing to die from him, if that meant that's how he loves me, that's what I was worth and what I deserved. Until I found my son unconscious with blood pouring from his mouth, I knew then and there that I was going to do everything I can to save my son, as tears slid down my face, "No," I spoke as my voice got choked up, trying to not burst into tears, "Ile run forever if I have to just to keep my son safe," I said "How is that keeping him safe or you?," Blue said as I just stared at him, "I take it one day at time. So I haven't really mapped it out just yet, I'm just trying not to die," I honestly answered him, my eldest brother crossed the room, enveloping me in his embrace. "He will never get close to you again," my eldest brother soothing voice spoke as my small body shook with sobs. My brothers all get me to focus and count backwards from twenty seconds to help, once I regained my senses I wiped my face and just sat staring at my cousin's. The rest of the night went by fast and the conversation just flowed.

The following days were all becoming routine since this is our busiest time of year and has been for the past seventeen years my elder cousins have involved us in this and this year will be our first year not to be apart of it this year. Every year the Convention will get organized somewhere in Auckland where we are able to assist in business that made it easier and safer for my uncle who has been running the local gangs since he was twenty one, when he defered in a different lifestyle then the one my grandfather built for them but as he rebelled my uncle has been doing what he needs to keeps his part of the business going so we have a very tight knit family circle.

The workload started to pick up now that I was keeping my load even and finally putting my degree to use. Amanda has become very helpful in my every day. I have finally gotten all my work load all in order, I have started visiting locations and familiarize myself with my execs, my financial and admins staffs of all my locations. Visiting locations I always have my eldest brother and Olivia. It has become easier to overcome my anxiety attacks of to many people, I also learn how to defend myself, so myself and Adam train with Amanda everyday for a few hours to help is cope with what we went through and so that I can chat with my son on a personal level too where he is comfortable. Before we arrived here, my son barely spoke from three years old. He stop smiling, he became recluse from a happy go lucky, and I realised his interaction with other children was very standoffish and I started interacting with him every day. I tried every thing till where my son only ever spoke to me. Putting the plan together, gave me the chills but with my son's safety I pulled it off. Everyday I worked with my son and everyday he talks more, smiles more and is a lot my comfortable now especially around my family. He interupts sebastian and lucas, he will answer my two older brothers phone calls even with me next to him and will spend time with both my parents and that just makes me cry when I see the spark in his eyes and the smile that lights up his face. That's my motivation everyday to see that naturally my son smile. Amanda has also became an asset to me that has became easier, I have worked on my mentality and my son, she has pushed, guided and praised us both, helped us to control our emotions while training without us going over board. It's helped and my mother always has snacks and sweets for us when we are done and that has helped Adam not to them and has made him lower his barrier he has had up since he was there.

I'm excited it is Friday, my work load was all up to date and now my entire team got to leave early today. Adam and I finished our training early as well and we're able to lie down on the carpet in the lounge for the next few minutes catching our breaths after the strenuous work out that Amanda had taken us through. "Raana, blue is on the phone," my mother's voice sounded above me as I could barely move my arm "Yes ... whats .. up?" I asked a little breathlessly as I could finally sit up, "What are you doing? Blues husky voice travelled down the phone, "Learning self defense, I want to be able to kill him before he does me," I spoke as I walked into the open doorway to the backyard "Good, that will be a lot of help, hey I rung cause I need you to come to the HQ and bring your pretty lady with you," Blues husky voice spoke as I laughed when my eyes slid in Amanda's presence, as I hung up my call.

Arriving at the entrance I made my way to where I knew I would find them knocking on the door, I waited for it to be answered as Amanda took in her surroundings. My uncle built this building from the ground up, it was a three story building, with a ten foot solid wall the wrapped around the entire property. The place has surveillance cameras everywhere as this was a precaution he took to keep his family safe as he decided to dabble in the life he lead. The door slid opened and revealed a smiling Red "Hey there Princess," he spoke as he let us pass, now walking in here I noticed the new additions and what had changed, I was surprised that I stopped and just took all the decor in "Who the hell changed it too this?," I spoke as I did a whole 360° that I was shocked at the mixture of wall paper to paint and the mix match paintings on the wall that screamed Male, I seriously cringed at the decor that by the time I had found Reds amused eyes he was smirking "I think my master piece was brilliant, I came up with it all on my own," he announced proudly I was so appalled "Your blind as hell, cause it's a real looker," I said patting him on the back when I walked through to the main area and spotted blue sitting at the table with a female "Why did you let him do that to the foyer it's hideous," I said glaring at blue whose started laughing, "My masterpiece is my own it's ARRRT," Red said dragging his words "It's hideous and I feel sorry for the house," I spoke as I took a seat on the six seater lounge suite as I made myself comfortable "Who she?," the female spoke as I finally looked at her "Their Boss, and you?," I asked raising a perfect shaped eyebrow at her as both just laughed ,"This is Jade, she's the lawyer we got to help us with legalizing our business to expand it overseas and your here cause we need you too look at it and tweaked what's needs to be done so that it can finalize the last part of our contract," Blue explained as he started laying out all the paper work that would need to be gone through to correct anything "Why is she here, I drew this up perfectly," Jade spoke as I started scanning the documents while red, explained his vision and blue detailed what it should look like, that I fully got what they were after and started drawing their designs while they sat in front of me and added notes here and there, spaced what angle you came at and an hour later we had drawn up the design for a new building that will be turned in to an apartment complex that will have three floors of self contained units for families and low income earners "Wow this is going to be amazing and it's going to help a lot of people," I spoke as I looked at the design in front of me awed by the relatively unique aspect that it has, "How much is this going to cost?," I asked as I wrote notes, "Seven hundred grand," blue spoke "how many of these were you thinking of doing?," I asked as I noted things down, "About three for now," red spoke as I did the math for the building put a retainer for the be contractor, materials and the application as I worked it all out and managed to come up with a proposal that would be placed in front of the others I finished my draft and then placed it with the legal document "Okay this will take a year to do, plus the area once you have chosen will need a person who knows the area to get a feel for it and the price range your looking at. I feel this will be a start, so what do you think?," I asked as I spun the draft around highlighting what it is that is needed to have them go over it.

when I noticed the lawyer look at her clients then back at me with a glare, "What's with the looks?" I casually ask her as she registered what I said, "Wondering who you are," she asked with barely suppressed manners, "Akarana King," I answered "And you?," I asked as I leant back in my chair staring point blank at her as my name seem to register in her head before her eyes focused back on me "Your The Akarana King?,"she asked as she seem to catch herself "I'm Jade Preston from High and Lows Law firm," she spoke as she collected herself in front of me seeming to stare at me with apprehension "The one and The only," I spoke as both red and blue had decided to come to a decision "We like this proposal do you think you can pitch it to the board?," Blue asked "Ile pitch it and let you know," I said as I gathered all the documents and gave them too Amanda as I stood to leave, picking my bag up and getting ready to leave when reds voice stopped me "I have this for you?", he spoke as he slid an envelope my way, I leant forward to retrieve the envelope tipping out the contents into my hand and was met by a familiar legal paper that I had drawn up for the removal of Kane's parental rights that as I lifted my head to stared at the two men across from me I couldn't believe my eyes as I looked back down at the familiar signature and writing that I had come to know so well, that my eyes filled with tears as I sat back down and read the contents of the documents with all the appropriate signatures and intials on all the pages that I found a paper that was folded up on the table read:

" Dear Ugly Bitch

You deserved everything I gave you, you were not the woman I thought you to be. You were weak, a waste of time and years that I wish to erase as well as that kid you decided to have. I give the kid to you to save myself the burden of remembering anything to do with you. You ruined my life and you made me miserable for having to be with you for so long. I am with someone who knows how to be a woman and a mother. So good luck at finding someone who will treat you like the dog you are.

Kane

attached is the fatherless kid that is now all yours hahaha,"

As I read this I didn't know how to react as I stared at the letter, I was speechless, I didn't say anything I just got up swiping all the contents off the table in to a pile as I strode out the door leaving Blue and Red staring at each other as I left with Amanda heading home.

Entering the house I made my way to my room as fast as I could without stopping and as soon as the lock slid in place behind me that I crumpled to floor as the floodgates opened up as I sobbed my heart and soul out, while curled up in a ball letting it all flow and listening to the hateful words I had to read go through my mind as if he was standing their spitting them at me, that I hadn't realised I was screaming until I felt a pair of strong arms scooped me off the floor and onto the bed while trying to pry my hands from my hair and just held me until I calmed down that it felt like hours before I had settled down and fell asleep. My dreams were the same as I lay bleeding on the floor unable the move from the pain when I opened my eyes to see Adam who was being viciously attacked by his father that I managed to use what strength I had to pull my son against me and use my body as a shield as I whispered over and over how sorry am I for putting his life in danger as my son's hand curled against my chest holding on to me as his father kicked and kicked me until I lost consciousness.