Chapter 6: Trust yourself... always

In all the years, there was one thing that was always real to me. My love for him. But, something about this was off, something was not quite right. I sat for a moment, then got to my feet, determined to be dressed before he came back. Being naked sure didn't help the awkwardness. As I walked towards the bathroom, something occurred to me. I saw my old chest at the foot of my bed, just calling my name.

Why? Because I had spent years writing about the tales of my life, to make sure that I did not forget. If something was off, it would be in there.

I quickly ran to the chest, taking a moment to remember the combination, opening it quietly. Most of the notebooks were old, just one almost brand new looking among them. I grabbed it quickly, acknowledging the titled scribbled on the front, "After".

I heard the elevator ding, quickly slamming the lid closed, then taking refuge in the bathroom. I quickly turned on the hot water, trying to seem as if I was bathing. He yelled over the water, "Hurry up, the food will get cold."

"Be right there!" I yelled back, sitting gently on the edge of the tub, cracking the notebook. A lot of the pages seemed to be torn out, a blank page on top. The paper creaked as I turned the first page, where I saw the words, "Leon," in large letters, "He is the man you love, the father of your children and he deserves better than you."

My heart dropped instantly. The next page, there was much more, and much worse. "You had finally beat the world, and he stood by your side. Together you rid him of his Alpha curse and created a life. You cheated on him, left him for another man, then you couldn't even give birth to his son. Yes, he loves you, and he would do anything to fix the life you had. But you don't deserve his love. Leave, now. For his sake." The message was brief but clear. My heart dropped. I had never felt so sick in my life. I thought I would crumble to pieces instantly.

Leon called out from the other room, "Are you okay in there?" I looked to the door, quickly locking it with my mind. The handle shook, "Elizabeth honey." He said gently.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, swallowing my despair. The door handle went back to normal. I knew then, it wasn't my choice anymore.

I had to leave.

I sloppily cleaned myself, trying to be quick. I grabbed a towel, wrapping it around me now. He had laid out the food on the bed, and I hopped next to him. I didn't want to leave, no part of me desired to go away, but I had always kept a promise to myself. I would always trust myself, even now, when it hurt like no other.

Once we ate, we laid down again. I tried to close my eyes and sleep, but I was too terrified. He moved close to me again, pulling me into him. He didn't say a word, he just crawled on top of me, kissing me, making love to me again. I wanted to cry, but I kept it buried inside. I knew that I wanted this one more time, before I had to leave again. After he had come, he laid back exhausted, huffing just a bit before he finally fell asleep.

I waited as long as it took to believe he was really asleep, then I moved out of the bed gently, silently. I grabbed my panties, sliding them on, not bothering to clean up, I pulled my clothes on. He stirred just a little, not really waking. I didn't bother to grab anything, instead I slipped out the door, taking the stairs as to not wake him.

I knew I had prepared myself for a lot, as I found my bug out bag on the roof. I took the contents, hastily making my way back to the ground. I knew he could track me in a heartbeat, so I had to get away quickly.

The old car I had parked the other night was still around the corner, I made for the old beast quickly, hoping he wouldn't wake. My heart seemed to shatter more and more with each step. I knew that I had everything I wanted back inside, the only thing I had ever wanted… Leon. And here I was, acting like I was escaping… I wasn't escaping, I was running from him. Running from whatever it was that happened that caused me to write that passage. Running from the obvious pain… I wanted to have that perfection left as it was.

I fired up the old beast and headed back east. I didn't know a lot of people, most of the people I did know were in Massachusetts 3 days back. I didn't run to them when I left before, how could I now? Would they know?

There was a decent amount of cash in my bag, that would get me just about anywhere and hold me over for a while. I was just about an hour outside of the city, traffic that late wasn't too bad, but I didn't feel like I had gotten very far. I felt a panic rise up, almost choking me. I took a deep breath, trying to keep a clear head.

The anxious feeling grew, taking me over more and more. The cars around me seemed to blur by, lost, hurt, devasted, worried… I pulled the car in to the emergency lane, putting it in park, I grabbed my chest, trying to breathe.

Why? Why did I feel this? After a little while, I managed to pull myself together enough to get back on the road, but it wouldn't last long. I found a little motel near a rest stop, I pulled off, knowing I couldn't stop this enough to be able to drive. A good nap would calm my nerves, and I'll grab a pack of smokes and some whiskey to help.

The room was small and dirty, but it would have to be good enough. I couldn't go back. Not now. Not ever. After half the pack and the whole bottle, I was able to fall asleep, my dreams plagued by spurts of panic. A loud banging on the door woke me, I looked over at the old alarm clock, it was 2am, who the fuck could it be?

Knowing the shadiness of the place I was, I grabbed the 9 out of my coat pocket, cocking it, I peered out of the peep hole. It was black, whether it was just old or someone was trying to surprise me, I didn't dare try to open the door. Another moment passed, the banging happened again, this time followed by a familiar voice, "I know you're in there. Please come out and talk to me." His voice was gruff, deep, pained.

Panic swept over me again, Leon… but how? How did he manage to find me? He was more human, he couldn't track me like he used to?? RIGHT??

I slowly unlatched the door, opening it gently. He was alone, he stood there, a disheartened look on his face. "Are you okay?" He asked, quietly, seeming to stare me down.

I didn't even know how to reply… was I okay? "No I'm not."

His shoulders slumped, "Why?" He said, seeming to struggle to hold himself together.

I felt this sadness rip through me, "Please just go." I whispered.

His gaze met with mine, pain searing through me, "Please just talk to me!" He demanded now, pushing through the doorway. The old door slammed against its own weight, leaving me standing there, terror pouring through me. How could I explain this?

He stood with his back to me now, it seemed to make it easier, when I couldn't see his face. No part of me wanted to hurt him, but I knew I had to make him stay away, "Please Leon, I know this is hard…"

"Don't tell me what's hard," He snapped, putting his hands to his hips, lowering his head, "I thought you were dead and you came back to me…" He stopped, taking a deep breath, shaking. It was like it was before, he was on edge of shifting.

"I don't belong here." I said plainly, hoping he would have mercy on me and leave.

He turned at my words, "I know you're scared, but I will do anything to help you feel better," he grabbed my hands, "You didn't need to run away, you can talk to me…" I diverted my eyes, looking downward again, "I love you, don't push me away. I can't… I can't lose you again..."

I lost my ability to look away, my eyes met his, tears immediately poured down my face, "I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt you like this, I swear, I just can't do this. Not now, not ever."

He let go of my hands, "I'm begging you not to run away, just give it some time… We took things too fast, and I'm sorry, I just missed you so…" His voice cracked, he clenched his fist now, "I love you" He whimpered.

"This is for the best." I said firmly, trying to hold back the sobs building inside.

He took a deep breath, "I'll leave you be." He said quickly, crossing me now, opening the door.

He stopped just outside of the door, I asked, "How did you find me?"

He hesitated, "I just knew I guess." He lowered his head now, "If you ever need anything, you know where to find me. Just be careful, please."

He started to walk down the walkway, I stepped out, asking quietly, "Can you always just find me?"

He turned now, smirking, "It's this connection we have, it's worth something at least." He shrugged, turning away again.

I went back inside, but only long enough to make sure he drove away, the feeling of his presence seemed to fade a bit. I knew that leaving wasn't all I had to do, I needed to find a way to break this connection between us. In Leon's heart, he would never be able to move on until I did.