webnovel

F*ck Humans Are A Bunch Of Psychos!

What the hell?! At first, we were wiping the floor with those four-limbed mammalians! But what is this situation?! What the hell is the human fleet doing in our capital solar system?! The emperor thought as he watched the live video feed of a human battleship ram his empires fleets cruiser after the battleship's canons melted down from firing nonstop from the start of the battle. Only to hear his anxious ministers report. What?! The humans are orbital dropping their ground forces and beginning orbital bombardment during a fleet battle?! What the f*ck are they nuts?!? P.S. This book is inspired by The Strongest Interstellar Commander its a great book I suggest reading it.

DRACULAVONDEATH · SF
レビュー数が足りません
50 Chs

C22

Natasha who won her second election 5 years ago was going through another round of holographic documents only for her prime minister who also served as the speaker of the parliament to barge in all of a sudden.

Alfie Blake without saying anything grabbed Natasha's holographic TV remote and turned it on as she did the image of Dracula getting his Admiral rank that she herself signed and approved ten years ago appeared.

Seeing this Natasha froze but gradually a smile appeared on her haggard 20 years old looking face for the first time in a long while.

"You finally woke up you little shit!"

Natasha couldn't help but curse under her breath as tears streaked down her cheeks ruining her makeup only for her face to contort in anger the next second.

"Bastard! How dare you not call me first thing after waking up!"

Natasha roared at the top of her lungs as she stood up and slammed her holographic table which she still preferred over the cybernetic lenses technology which she naturally still applied to herself which was quite convenient when she wasn't in her office.

Even Alfie jumped up in her place from how angry Natasha sounded.

"Hey, Nat calm... calm down...."

Alfia tried to persuade Nat who was seeping with anger evident from her red-as-tomato face only to get shut up by Nat.

"Not a word more Al!"

Natasha said by word causing Alfie to complain mentally.

F*ck If I knew that she will become pissed off I wouldn't have come!

...

"F*ck I'm beat those bloodsuckers bled me dry!"

I cursed as I yanked off my tie and tossed it on my sofa.

The goddamn leeches didn't let me go until they dug out 20 years' worth of information!

I complained mentally as I sat down on my sofa while with my mind made my refrigerator open up and a cold beer to fly over to me which I opened up easily with my hand without the help of any tool.

"Ahhh! That hits the spot!"

I exclaimed happily as I felt the cold beer travel down my throat into my stomach only for a phone call to shatter my moment of bliss.

"Motherf*cker who is it?!"

I barked only to freeze after seeing the caller's ID.

"Hey there Nat long time no s..."

I started saying after picking up while putting on the most charming smile that would make countless women fall high over hills for me only to receive a string of curses from the holographic Nat in my HUD view.

"&^^%#$%$%#$#%^%$&%^$#W@#^%$&%$&%#$^%$@@...!"

"Feeling better?"

I asked the heavily breathing Nat as I massaged my numb ears.

"Bastard! You dare talk back to me?!"

Nat once again snapped and was ready to fire off another string of curses only to turn bright red after hearing my words.

"So when are we marrying?"

I made it sound so natural that even Nat lost her words.

"You goddamn bastard go die!"

The pissed-off as f*ck Nat said as she disconnected the call.

Sigh*Still playing hard to crack huh? Well, luckily for you I specialize in cracking tough nuts like you.

I said in my mind while smirking evilly as I took another sip of my beer.

...

"That goddamn punk!"

Natasha who practically had steam coming out from her ears roared as she started trashing her cabinet in a fit of rage and she didn't calm down until everything that could be thrown or flipped over was thrown and flipped over.

"Hmph! Just you wait I'll f*cking send you over to that shit hole for ten years! I'll see if you'll dare joke around like that again!"

Natasha cursed as she completely lost it and actually started drafting the order!

...

As I was busy studying the intel from the pukes about the Holy Briaan Empires' current state Ares suddenly barged in.

"Son what the f*ck did you do?!"

Hearing this I was full of question marks seeing this Ares took out his phone and projected the holographic order for me to see.

As I read through it my face became darker by the second until I finally snapped.

"#$%#$$^#^%$#^#%@%#$^%$&$%^%^$%&...!"

Now it was my turn to vent my anger and I did I cursed until I ran out of breath and it took quite a while with my current body.

Then without any words, I stormed out of my office leaving the dumbfounded Ares behind.

"Attention all personnel of Einherjar who are currently on Martian this is your Admiral speaking! Report to your stations in ten mike! I repeat! This...!"

I broadcast my orders to Einherjars crews AI microchips causing my soldiers to break out in cold sweat as they started thinking that the Briaans invaded again as they stopped doing what they were doing and stormed off towards Einherjar in Raganrok hangar that although was currently being retrofitted was still combat ready.

...

"Status report!"

I barked after arriving at the upgraded bridge before even the commander of the marines squad responsible for the security of the bridge could announce my arrival.

"70 percent out of the 90 percent who are onboard the Martian reported in!'

An officer who was acting as the current XO because Aurora was on Earth enjoying her vacation reported while giving me a salute.

"Can the ship make a short-range jump without those who haven't reported yet?"

I asked as I sat down to my upgraded seat.

"Yes sir! But our combat effectiveness which is already reduced because of the retrofitting will be reduced even more!"

"Doesn't matter, we're not going to fight, but going to see my hotheaded wife!"

Hearing this the officer was full of question marks, not fighting? See the wife? Did I miss the part where the admiral got married?

The officer thought but still started barking out orders obediently.

"Tell all the Ragnaroks engineers and technicians to disembark immediately and get all of their shit off the ship!"

"Start the pre-flight checks!"

"And tell the ones who didn't arrive yet to get back to their quarters!"

This guy is good.

I couldn't help but think as I impatiently tapped my console.

Outside the ship, the engineers and technicians quickly disembarked from the Einherjar as they removed any refitting equipment attached to the ship.

While Einherjars brand new Ion thrusters lit up with beams of green Ion rings.

"All systems are operating as intended Admiral we are ready to depart!"

The officer reported.

"Let's go!"

"Yes sir!"

The Einherjar slowly passed the blue energy barrier and exited into space a few civilian freighters that looked like ants to the shock of their crew who knew that Einherjar battleships were big but seeing it with their own eyes up close the word big got refreshed in their minds flew past the ship.

"Start the subspace drive destination, Earth!"

"Yes sir!"

Soon the Einherjar got enveloped in a white vortex, as the vortex disappeared the ship was no longer there but in the orbit of Earth.

"Admiral we arrived!"

"XO you have command!"

I stormed off after passing on my command.

...

Now 2nd Lieutenant Hope who after the ordeal of the alpha century decided to change her career path because she had enough of being an army grunt was doing her gunships that was big enough to fit an entire platoon of marines or a squad and an MBT preflight check only to see the admiral run to her raven class gunship with inhuman speed.

For a second her brain short-circuited until she heard her hero's voice.

"Pilot launch Immediately were going straight towards the parliament!'

"Yes sir!"

Hope answered loudly as she was about to ask for take of clearance from control only to get barked at by the admiral.

"Just launch already! f*ck the procedures!"

"Yes sir!"

"Boss, is this okay? Were breaking military protocol!"

Her co-pilot asked.

"You heard the man! F*ck the protocol were launching!"

Hope barked out.

"Copy boss!"

...

As we entered the thermosphere I felt the gunship shaking nonstop until we finally entered the troposphere.

"Admiral! We got a problem we don't have air clearance! They are threatening to shoot us down!"

The gunship's master chief who was sitting behind the pilots in his crash seat with his safety clamp lowered down said.

Hearing this I walked to the master chief.

"Patche me In!"

I said causing the master chief to take off his fully enclosed helmet and give it to me.

"This is the parliaments security forces, commander! I repeat you have no clearance! Change your flight trajectory or we will be forced to shoot you down! I rep...!"

"Shut it Im Admiral Dracula Von Death serial number 187545187251!"

After I said this a few seconds of silence followed.

"Admiral you have no clearance please change your gunships trajectory!"

"F*ck off!"

"A... admiral!"

The commander practically started begging after all he was only doing his job!

"Ah f*ck it!"

I barked as I took off my helmet and pressed the gunship's ramps release button causing the master chief to freak out as he quickly put his helmet back on.

Like it ? Add to library!

Have some idea about my story? Comment it and let me know.

DRACULAVONDEATHcreators' thoughts