Spread The Gift

What was I doing?

Why was I getting so riled up just because this man I haven't even known long enough to care about has been treating me both hot and cold?

And why the fuck was I still aroused by him.

His proximity did things to me "It's more a tragic story than a poem actually" he shakes his head.

"It hits me every time I read it"

His lips looked soft, I wondered what I would feel like against mine but then again, it didn't matter what I wanted to happen.

"I sometimes feel sorry for the girl who loved him and did all those things for him yet…" he looked sad for a split second.

"It wasn't real"

I saw it…I did.

"What do think about it?"

He was asking me a question again, I did not want to reply but…

"I think it is stupid," I say, his brows raised but he doesn't say a word, he waits for me to speak again…probably waiting for an explanation.

I stay quiet.

I think the poem was tragic, it almost made me feel something but then again, all the affection I was shown in my life…fuck that. I have never been loved by anyone before except for maybe my birth parents whom I can't ever remember. So I wouldn't know how terrible it would be feeling being lied to about being loved or shit like that.

I think it is stupid but I still think it is tragic. The girl wasted her life in my own opinion. Why settle for one man and do shit for him when there are many more out there.

"That's it?"

What else was he expecting?

"Why do you think it's stupid?"

I almost laugh, he seemed almost hysterical. Like my blankness was frustrating him…I hope it was.

"I just think so" I dismiss him. I didn't feel like starting a conversation with him only for him to snap later on and act like a traumatized girl.

"I would like you to leave now, you're bothering me," I tell him. He is taken aback by my words and I'm sure he didn't expect me to be this hostile toward him. Was he expecting me to act normal after what happened in that room and when we returned to our cabin?

I'm not one to hide my displeasure, the sisters always say I didn't have a filter when it was needed but then again, I am hardly ever displeased. This man did things to me that I didn't even think were possible.

"Are you mad at me Cara?"

I scoff, for a man whose eyes seem so intelligent he is quite shallow.

"You told me you would stop bothering me once you showed me what you wanted to,"

His eyes narrowed "I'm assuming that room was what you wanted to show me," I said. There's a weird heavy feeling in my chest when I say those words to him and when I see the surprised expression on his face…then it was blank.

"Of course…a deal is a deal," Standing up his eyes were still on me and mine looking into them. What did he want? What did I want?

I was feeling out of sorts and I was not used to it, it bothered me.

I need to get this under control. I was not made to be controlled by my emotions but rather to control the emotions of others.

I am Caramel, carrier of The Gift.

I am Caramel, carrier of The Gift.

I am Caramel, carrier of The Gift.

I chanted in my head continuously as I watched him walk back to his seat, head down and his feet making no sound as he moved across the cabin. He was not happy with what just happened, if he wanted us to be 'friends or shit like that…he shouldn't have treated me the way he did.

Wow…I just fucking realized just how much his actions bothered me, I feel almost…hurt? I want him to feel the same whatever it was.

I wanted to say something, rectify what I just did.

I stayed silent, I did what I was good at and stayed silent.

I dropped the book after a few seconds, losing interest completely. Whatever just happened between us left a weird taste in my mouth.

Connor was silent as well. He was staring at his feet, wiggling his toes and sighing now and then. This went on for about a few hours till I felt drowsy and had to close my eyes for a short nap.

Cold…I was cold.

I could remember being naked on the cold hard tiles. The walls, the floor, the ropes, they were all white. The room was bright, empty, cold…lonely.

I shivered, feeling the urge to rub my palms together but unable to.

The ropes held my wrists together, tight. I felt them bite into my wrists creating bruises that would last a long long time. I wanted to scream for help but then again I didn't see a reason to. Apart from the slight surprise of waking up in a weird room, I was not afraid…not of being killed or being experimented on. There was nothing to fear or rather at that time, I could not feel even though I wanted to. The ropes caused pain but I ignored it.

Instead, I closed my eyes and tried to recall a detail from the last book I read.

"Caramel, open your legs and receive the gift,"

I was not sure when he had entered, blonde, young, naked.

His male appendage was erect and glowed unlike what the Sisters had taught and shown us, a lemon green glow and so did his eyes.

It was some weird ass shit but also at the same time it was the first and the last time I felt what they called pleasure. I had let him touch me, let him enter me and pass the gift…not that I had a choice in the matter, my hands were tied quite literally.

When it was over I felt it, pain that made me scream. It felt like I was being devoured on the inside. It burned, it stung, it made me shed tears for the first time in a long time and then it stopped, all at once.

"Go, and spread the Gift,"