Ch.22: Determination (4/5)

I bowed to Saitou-san as she sat down.

"I had a long day today. Honey, could you get me a cup of coffee?"

Casually she called me out like I was her wife. This woman was something else. She seemed to not care about the people who looked at her strangely.

"Eh…is that all you want today?"

"I would love to have your schedule if you got that yet."

"…Do you really want my work schedule?"

She giggled with her hand over her lips.

"It would save me the gas it takes to get here every day."

I closed my eyes and thought about all she's done for me recently. What could it hurt if I gave her my schedule…?

"Fine."

"What, really?"

She seemed surprised as she backed up slightly.

"Do you have a piece of paper?"

Looking at her briefcase in hand, I asked.

"Here…"

She held out her hand. I was curious about what she was asking me to do. But then, like a stroke of lightning, it came to me. This tigress wanted me to...

"You…want me to write it on your hand?"

"I would prefer it."

She smiled cunningly at me. This…caused my heart to throb a bit. This woman… was still aggressively flirting with me. But…I couldn't lie about one thing…Saitou-san fit the bill of what I was looking for, didn't she?

So, I took her hand and began writing the days on her palm. It was warm…as she gently caressed the back of my hand with her nails.

"Eh, what are you doing?"

"Teasing you a little, Madoka-san."

She chuckled. I'm sure my face was bright red as I finished up.

"There…are you happy."

"My fortune told me that luck will be in my favor today."

I sighed, harshly now.

"Did Saya-san tell you that? Haven't you ever thought that it's just all in your head, Saitou-san?"

"In my head or not…I got you to hold my hand, right?"

"…Idiot."

My chest pounded a bit. Now I was beginning to look at things more openly. These raging feelings for Mari-san needed to go away and…there was the chance that I might fall in love with someone as I distanced my feelings from Mari-san.

Despite it hurting…

I know that it had to be…

"I'll stop harassing you and let you work. I just want to write right now anyway."

She giggled as she took out her notebook. It was dark and reminded me of a roses' color.

"Your…romantic stories, right?"

"Eh, how did you know?! Have you been watching me that closely?"

I intuitively knew she was teasing me. The Saitou's were, for sure, observant. She may have already realized that I spoke with Saya-san about that. That or Saya-san told her about it if she could tease me like this. Those sisters…are troublesome if I had to be honest.

"Yes, I do write romance."

She admitted as she looked back at her papers. Suddenly, she brushed her hand over the text and smiled back at me.

"Is it so bad that a woman wants to dream of the perfect relationship?"

The perfect relationship? Does that even exist?

"Saitou-san…that's…actually a bit sweet."

I confessed as we stared at one another.

She's so mature and self-sufficient, but at times, a childish side of her can be seen. I can't lie, that side is a treat to experience. Noticing my gaze, she brushed her hair back and whispered.

"Ah…can I have a bowl of ramen?"

"Oh, you're eating?"

I teased.

"Yep…that way I can stay here for longer. You know, keep an eye on you."

My chest throbbed as my eyes caught hers. She was certainly teasing me and extremely good at it too. It made me think back to what she said. About her having someone she loved too.

"…One order of ramen coming up. Would you like it spicy or mild?"

"Let's put some heat on it, Madoka-san."

She grinned as I wrote it down. Usually, she'd just get coffee and be done with it. So, it felt a tad strange actually taking her order.

"Hey…Madoka, did our conversation the other night help you out?"

"Hm?"

"You…just seem like you might be struggling still."

I touched my necklace out of habit by this point.

"…We can talk about it sometime soon...if you want, Saitou-san."

"…Sure, if that's what you want, Madoka-san."

We both smiled at one another now. Despite her aggressive flirts, I don't feel as distant from her as I used to. Knowing that she willingly helped me come to terms with my feelings, would I ever tell her who I am in love with? Probably not.

There is no reason why Saitou Risa-san should ever know that the person she bosses around day and night is the one my heart still fawns over.

Despite me concluding that I will move on…

I know it will be hard to do just that.

"I'll see you later, Nagumi-chan."

Poking her small nose, I waved her goodbye.

"Oh, are we leaving?"

Saitou-san hopped up from her seat, putting her books away in a rush.

"Oh, so you really were waiting until I was done?"

"Do you have a ride home? I can give you one, Madoka-san."

Shyly, I smile back at her.

"Actually, I don't…but…"

How could I say this without sounding as if I'm intentionally turning her down? No other way than to be honest I guessed. So, I looked back at her.

"Tonight would be the first night that mom allowed me to go home alone…and…"

At first, her eyes perked up, but then they fell gently as Saitou-san giggled.

"Ah, so she's giving you more freedom?"

She nodded.

"How about you walk me to my car at least, Madoka-san?"

"…Sure, Saitou-san. I would like that."

So, I did just that. We walked through the mall. Even though it was getting later into the night, it was still bustling with customers. The decorations were now themed in Christmas colors. In the center of the way was a large tree that rose up to the heavens. This time of the year was always magical to me.

During the holidays I would always imagine myself on Christmas with someone I loved. It was a childish memory now that I looked back on it. When mom was married to dad, both of them would always talk about how magical their dates were. I never knew what they actually did, but I always imagined my mom in a dress fit for a princess. Of course, dad would be in a suit tailored to perfection.

Still to this day...I wish for a magical evening with the person I love...

Yeah, with the person...I love.

"Oh yeah, that STARS concert is coming up soon, isn't it Madoka-san?"

The bustle of the holidays might have brought that back to Saitou-san's mind. Just the thought of it made me jump as I turned back to her.

"T-That's right! It's on the 18th of December!"

If I had a tail it would be wagging like no tomorrow now. Saitou-san held her stomach as she chuckled.

"Ryuji-san told me that would be the perfect gift for you. I...wasn't expecting you to give back so many tickets though."

Embarrassed, I turned to the side. My mature image was shattered so, regrettably, I tried to pick up the broken pieces as I patted my skirt.

"You...went overboard. But I'm super grateful for your gift. You have no idea how...happy it made me."

My eyes glanced over as we walked the mall, side by side. Lights flickered, basking the two of us in the holiday glow.

"How many people are you taking with you, Madoka-san?"

"Well, I'm definitely taking Hana-chan!"

I declared.

She was my little sister so, I have to be a good influence on her and make sure she shares my love for idols to at least a comparable level. She doesn't have to get all the albums and keep up with the latest gossip but no sister of mine would outwardly dislike them. Thankfully, I didn't have to worry about that though. During the Cultural Festival, she didn't complain once about the concert in the auditorium.

"I have a few friends too. They were at my birthday party when I received them."

I shrugged.

"I haven't asked them directly but they're coming too, like it or not."

I felt like a dictator saying this, but it was already set in stone. I could feel a bit of my childish side seeping out though and that made my cheeks warm with embarrassment.

"A-Anyway...thank you again for providing those for me, Saitou-san."

"No need to thank me. I'm...just happy that you're happy."

She nudged my arm with hers. That's when I realized how close we were walking now. If she was any closer we'd be shoulder to shoulder like Siamese twins.

"I read up on that concert. I heard something about two special STARS fans will get a chance to shake the hands of the idols on stage?"

The way she casually brought this up was a tad suspicious. So, I took the bite and nodded.

"Yeah, but that's like out of thousands of people. Each ticket has a barcode on the back. Nobody will know which one is the "winning ticket" until it's announced three days prior."

I spoke like an expert on the subject of STARS-ology. I even considered lifting my glasses but I didn't want to appear like a know-it-all. So, I just settled with lifting my nose a tad high like Mari-san would do.

"Is that so? Well, I hope you win."

She smiled brightly as she brushed against my shoulder. This caused my stomach to flutter as we walked in silence for a moment. During this time I was able to calm down.

I glanced up at Saitou-san who seemed to be in deep thought about something. After a brief moment, the corner of her cheeks raised as she lowered her gaze towards me.

"Do you have any plans for Christmas, Madoka-san?"

"Huh?"

How bold the question was that Saitou-san asked. With her hands behind her back, she tilted her head as she searched my reaction.

"Or…maybe you have plans with that person who gave you your gift? You know, that necklace around your neck?"

For a moment I went silent. My heart wished for nothing more than that to be true but I…knew I shouldn't think that way anymore. So, I closed my eyes and turned back to her. When I opened them, her cheeks were a tad red and that surprised me.

"…No. We…"

I held my breath before I continued again…

"We realized it wouldn't work…Saitou-san"

She paused for a moment and in a mournful tone…she apologized.

"…I'm sorry, Madoka-san."

"…Yeah…me too."

In silence now, we made our way to the parking lot. When we came up to Saitou-san's car she turned back to me with a wave. But…I didn't want our chat to end in such a sour way. She didn't do anything wrong, and I wanted her to know that. So, I spoke up.

"S-Saitou-san!"

"Hm?"

Before she opened the door, I caught eyes with her again as she turned around.

"I hear you…"

"What do you mean, Nakagawa Madoka-san?"

Confused for good reason, she tilted her head. So, I expressed myself as best as I could…for her sake.

"I hear your words…and I… I understand your feelings loud and clear."

I sighed.

"But…I need time. W-Would you give me…time?"

Time for what? I knew just what I meant. For the last few months, my emotions have been raging to the point that I felt as though I was going to die if they didn't settle down. That night with Mari-san…I nearly destroyed my body with those emotions. There would be no way all these feelings would just vanish though…nor should they.

Slowly, I would have to accept things and start looking at other romantic suitors. But right now…it hurts too much to just let it all go...

"…I'll give you as much time as you want."

But without me explaining myself, Saitou-san spoke up.

"So, if I'm making you uncomfortable Madoka-san…just tell me, and I'll stop."

She then gazed at me. Despite it being dark out I could clearly see the determination in her eyes. She held her hand to her chest as she confessed...

"But that doesn't mean I don't want you. I'll only wait for you…because I want you."

"…Saitou-san."

My chest throbbed harshly. To want someone is one thing…I want Mari-san… Or I...wanted Mari-san…I had to change my mind to believe that eventually.

So, right now I needed the time. I need to calm these feelings down so they would just be passing thoughts. Once that happens, I'll be able to think more logically instead of emotionally.

I'll be able to move on…

But that takes time...

Saitou-san…is a sweet and honest woman who doesn't deserve someone who is constantly thinking of another. How fair would that be if I cried in her arms…still thinking of Mari-san? I wouldn't accept her feelings that way. No, I'd hurt her in the end.

I…want to be ready if I decide to move on to another suitor…

Not just for me…but for them. For the person who would dare say that they love me.

I nodded as if confirming my stance right now. If I want to stay true to my feelings that I confessed to Mari-san that night...then I'll have to work towards it.

"Thank you, Saitou-san."

I smiled as brightly as I could. How I hoped this gave her heart a race...like she constantly does to me.

"You know, Saitou-san...I…don't mind your…flirts…if you like doing that though."

I admitted. I knew Saitou-san enjoyed teasing me so, why would I selfishly deprive her of that? It would be rude if after all she's done for me I willingly distanced myself from her?

"Oh, you don't mind?"

The beauty giggled that cutesy laugh that didn't mirror her outlook.

Suddenly, she approached me. The click of her heels across the pavement echoed in the calm night. With each thump, my heartbeat in the same rhythm until they finally stopped when she reached me.

With her free hand, she touched my left cheek. A sweet vanilla aroma captured my nose as her slender fingers traced along my cheek and met my lips.

"Be careful what you ask for, Madoka-san."

My lips parted slightly. I was worried I'd...taste her finger if I said anything, so I just sat there motionlessly. The tigress caught me because I was playing around too much. I guess I got my just deserts, didn't I? She outwitted me with her maturity.

"Goodnight then, cutie."

She winked as she made her way back to the car and opened the door. The car had to be expensive, just like everything else about Saitou-san. My heart rate certainly rose during this chat. She had my schedule, so I'll likely see Saitou-san more often than not at work. Did I mind that?

I…don't think I really do.

That night, I rode the train quietly. After a shift of work, how calming it was to have this time alone. There was no Mari-san rumbling in my head…no Hana-chan aching at my heart…no mom painfully scarring my conscience. This was a time for Madoka…and I think that's okay every now and then.

Once I got off the train, I made my way home. The streets were lit up brightly, so I didn't feel too uncomfortable. Certainly, I could see why mom worried though. But I stayed vigilant the entire way as I maturely made my way back home. Once I reached the front door, that sense of wrongness assaulted me again.

It tried to overpower me with guilt. But I stood tall, knowing that once all of this was finally cleared up, once everyone knew my stance on how I felt, and how I loved them more than my own selfish feelings…that it would be okay.

It…had to be okay.

"…We'll get through this…"

Because that's what a family does. They face hardships together. No matter how difficult it is and make it through on the other side.

With determination pushing my decision, I opened the front door and walked inside.