19 out of 20 tells

1. It turns out they are all living in a computer game.

2. The whole plot is a film, rather than reality.

3. Maureen Zeus is head of the criminal organisation they've been fighting.

4. A lost children's poem shows that Kevin Blunder was always destined to save the day.

5. Kevin Blunder used to be a woman but didn't realise as he has been suffering from amnesia.

6. It turns out Casper Jones only exists in the cloud.

7. Maureen Zeus is not really dead.

8. Casper Jones poisoned Kevin Blunder at the beginning of the story, and it's taken the whole story to take effect.

9. Kevin Blunder is just a brain in a jar.

10. The whole plot is a premonition, not reality.

11. Maureen Zeus was stolen as a baby and brought up by kidnappers.

12. The person we think is the villain is actually working for a bigger villain.

13. Maureen Zeus has been possessed the whole time.

14. Maureen Zeus is actually Kevin Blunder's sister, time travelling.

15. Earth has been destroyed and they're all living in a virtual reality.

16. Casper Jones has secret powers resulting from being bitten by a flea.

17. Kevin Blunder is the villain.

18. It's really ten years into the future.

19. Casper Jones is actually a zombie.

20. Maureen Zeus's dying utterances are actually a premonition.

Mangled eyelashes have been turning up all over Kent and the inhabitants are scared. Ten murders in ten weeks, all committed with a razor, and still nobody has a clue who the deranged killer is.

Miss Morwenna Sweet is a stunning and sympathetic nurse with a fondness for cats. She doesn't know it yet but she is the only one who can stop the cowardly killer.

When her granddaughter, Heather Smith, is kidnapped, Miss Sweet finds herself thrown into the centre of the investigation. His only clue is a giant piano.

She enlists the help of a loving computer programmer called Hannah Torrance.

Can Torrance help Sweet overcome her sugar addiction and find the answers before the deranged killer and his deadly razor strike again?.

Once upon a time there was a sweet boy called Christian Barlow. He was on the way to see his Steve Blast, when he decided to take a short cut through Central Park.

It wasn't long before Christian got lost. He looked around, but all he could see were trees. Nervously, he felt into his bag for his favourite toy, Piglet, but Piglet was nowhere to be found! Christian began to panic. He felt sure he had packed Piglet. To make matters worse, he was starting to feel hungry.

Unexpectedly, he saw a scruffy ostrich dressed in a yellow dungarees disappearing into the trees.

"How odd!" thought Christian.

For the want of anything better to do, he decided to follow the peculiarly dressed ostrich. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.

Eventually, Christian reached a clearing. He found himself surrounded by houses made from different sorts of food. There was a house made from cauliflowers, a house made from toffees, a house made from chips and a house made from jelly babies.

Christian could feel his tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease his hunger.

"Hello!" he called. "Is anybody there?"

Nobody replied.

Christian looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.

A cackle broke through the air, giving Christian a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was Piglet!

"Piglet!" shouted Christian. He turned to the witch. "That's my toy!"

The witch just shrugged.

"Give Piglet back!" cried Christian.

"Not on your nelly!" said the witch.

"At least let Piglet out of that cage!"

Before she could reply, three scruffy ostriches rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. Christian recognised the one in the yellow dungarees that he'd seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognise him too.

"Hello Big Ostrich," said the witch.

"Good morning." The ostrich noticed Piglet. "Who is this?"

"That's Piglet," explained the witch.

"Ooh! Piglet would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!" demanded the ostrich.

The witch shook her head. "Piglet is staying with me."

"Um... Excuse me..." Christian interrupted. "Piglet lives with me! And not in a cage!"

Big Ostrich ignored him. "Is there nothing you'll trade?" he asked the witch.

The witch thought for a moment, then said, "I do like to be entertained. I'll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door."

Big Ostrich looked at the house made from jelly babies and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire house made from jelly babies if I wanted to."

"That's nothing," said the next ostrich. "I could eat two houses."

"There's no need to show off," said the witch. Just eat one front door and I'll let you have Piglet."

Christian watched, feeling very worried. He didn't want the witch to give Piglet to Big Ostrich. He didn't think Piglet would like living with a scruffy ostrich, away from his house and all his other toys.

The other two ostriches watched while Big Ostrich put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Big Ostrich. "Just you watch!"

Big Ostrich pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from toffees. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

   And more.

      And more.

Eventually, Big Ostrich started to get bigger - just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of toffees, he grew to the size of a large snowball - and he was every bit as round.

"Erm... I don't feel too good," said Big Ostrich.

Suddenly, he started to roll. He'd grown so round that he could no longer balance!

"Help!" he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.

Big Ostrich never finished eating the front door made from toffees and Piglet remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Average Ostrich stepped up, and approached the house made from chips.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Average Ostrich. "Just you watch!"

Average Ostrich pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from chips. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

   And more.

      And more.

After a while, Average Ostrich started to look a little queasy. She grew greener...

   ...and greener.

A woodcutter walked into the clearing. "What's this bush doing here?" he asked.

"I'm not a bush, I'm an ostrich!" said Average Ostrich.

"It talks!" exclaimed the woodcutter. "Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I'd better take it away before somebody gets hurt."

"No! Wait!" cried Average Ostrich, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the ostrich away under his arm.

Average Ostrich never finished eating the front door made from chips and Piglet remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Little Ostrich stepped up, and approached the house made from jelly babies.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Little Ostrich. "Just you watch!"

Little Ostrich pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from jelly babies. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

   And more.

      And more.

After five or six platefuls, Little Ostrich started to fidget uncomfortably on the spot.

He stopped eating jelly babies for a moment, then grabbed another forkful.

But before he could eat it, there came an almighty roar. A bottom burp louder than a rocket taking off, propelled Little Ostrich into the sky.

"Aggghhhhhh!" cried Little Ostrich. "I'm scared of heigh..."

Little Ostrich was never seen again.

Little Ostrich never finished eating the front door made from jelly babies and Piglet remained trapped in the witch's cage.

"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep Piglet."

"Not so fast," said Christian. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from cauliflowers. And I haven't had a turn yet.

"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."

The woodcutter's voice carried through the forest. "I think you should give him a chance. It's only fair."

"Fine," said the witch. "But you saw what happened to the ostriches. He won't last long."

"I'll be right back," said Christian.

"What?" said the witch. "Where's your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted Piglet back."

Christian ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. He came back to the clearing and started a small camp fire. Carefully, he broke off a piece of the door of the house made from cauliflowers and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, he took a bite. He quickly devoured the whole piece.

Christian sat down on a nearby log.

"You fail!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."

"I haven't finished," explained Christian. "I am just waiting for my food to go down."

When Christian's food had digested, he broke off another piece of the door made from cauliflowers. Once more, he toasted his food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. He ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.

Eventually, after several sittings, Christian was down to the final piece of the door made from cauliflowers. Carefully, he toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. He finished his final course. Christian had eaten the entire front door of the house made from cauliflowers.

The witch stamped her foot angrily. "You must have tricked me!" she said. "I don't reward cheating!"

"I don't think so!" said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe. "This little boy won fair and square. Now hand over Piglet or I will chop your broomstick in half."

The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.

Christian hurried over and grabbed Piglet, checking that his favourite toy was all right. Fortunately, Piglet was unharmed.

Christian thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Steve. It was starting to get dark.

When Christian got to Steve's house, his threw his arms around him.

"I was so worried!" cried Steve. "You are very late."

As Christian described his day, he could tell that Steve didn't believe him. So he grabbed a napkin from his pocket.

"What's that?" asked Steve.

Christian unwrapped a doorknob made from toffees. "Pudding!" he said.

Steve almost fell off his chair.

The End

Charity Gobble had always loved rural Oxford with its courageous, cloudy cliffs. It was a place where she felt sleepy.

She was a brave, stingy, whiskey drinker with slimy thighs and brunette warts. Her friends saw her as a fancy, fresh friend. Once, she had even revived a dying, baby. That's the sort of woman he was.

Charity walked over to the window and reflected on her beautiful surroundings. The hail pounded like skipping dogs.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Harriet Sparrow. Harriet was a clever lover with curvy thighs and grubby warts.

Charity gulped. She was not prepared for Harriet.

As Charity stepped outside and Harriet came closer, she could see the green glint in her eye.

"I am here because I want some more Twitter followers," Harriet bellowed, in an energetic tone. She slammed her fist against Charity's chest, with the force of 7781 frogs. "I frigging love you, Charity Gobble."

Charity looked back, even more unstable and still fingering the damp piano. "Harriet, yabba Dabba Doo," she replied.

They looked at each other with cross feelings, like two broken, brawny bears loving at a very splendid disco, which had trance music playing in the background and two cowardly uncles eating to the beat.

Suddenly, Harriet lunged forward and tried to punch Charity in the face. Quickly, Charity grabbed the damp piano and brought it down on Harriet's skull.

Harriet's curvy thighs trembled and her grubby warts wobbled. She looked unstable, her body raw like a stale, shrill sandwich.

Then she let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Harriet Sparrow was dead.

Charity Gobble went back inside and made herself a nice glass of whiskey.

THE END

Mangled toes have been turning up all over Wales and the inhabitants are scared. Ten murders in ten weeks, all committed with a spoon, and still nobody has a clue who the vile killer is.

Prof Mavis Donaldson is a slim and admirable shopkeeper with a fondness for cookery. She doesn't know it yet but she is the only one who can stop the stingy killer.

When her grandson, Barry Nolan, is kidnapped, Prof Donaldson finds herself thrown into the centre of the investigation. His only clue is a spotty newspaper.

She enlists the help of an understanding homemaker called Richard Snozcumber.

Can Snozcumber help Donaldson overcome her Vaseline addiction and find the answers before the brutal killer and his deadly spoon strike again

In a hole there lived a rural, wobbly gremlin named Andrew Cox. Not a weathered quiet, cosy hole, filled with trousers and a worrying smell, nor yet a spotty, snooty, tender hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a gremlin-hole, and that means happiness.

One day, after a troubling visit from the giant Jeff Clifford, Andrew leaves his hole and sets out in search of three noisy dice. A quest undertaken in the company of wizards, giants and fat old folk.

In the search for the giant-guarded dice, Andrew Cox surprises even himself with his diligence and skill as a psychiatrist.

During his travels, Andrew rescues a gun, an heirloom belonging to Jeff. But when Jeff refuses to try sleeping, their friendship is over.

However, Jeff is wounded at the Battle of Five Armies and the two reconcile just before Andrew engages in some serious sleeping.

Andrew accepts one of the three noisy dice and returns home to his hole a very wealthy gremlin

the end

Chris Cox is just an ordinary twelve-year-old boy living in Gruesomeside, until he sees a horrifying troll, called Matt Greentongue, climb in through his bedroom window.

Matt, who is built like a potato filled with rocks and smells like grated earwax smothered with sauce made from rotton turnips, sings a song about making little boys into sausages.

Chris tricks the troll into falling out of his window by telling him that there are child-brain carbonaras outside. He realises that the troll has to be stopped before he eats any more children and sets to work trying to invent a trap.

Meanwhile, in a cave just outside Gruesomeside, Nadgoose Breakableclaws starts to suspect that eating children is wrong, and grows tired of hunting with her fellow trolls. She decides to live as a vegetarian.

After a brief misunderstanding involving a toe and lashings of ketchup, Chris and Nadgoose team up to stop the trolls, using a catapult that fires sweet potatoes. They lure the trolls by creating a big mound of blood

the end

"I'm going to need scheming beans, big, scheming beans."

Fred Wu had not known love or loss until he risked loosing his stable sister Jessica Ball.

His idyllic life is shattered when his learns that spiteful pixies plan to poke Jessica and he knows he has to stop them or his heart will die.

At 124, the gardener from West Boggins is both smart and friendly. But will it be enough to protect Jessica?

He goes to a holiday in Cape Town where he acquires some scheming beans and stamps. It finally seems that he will be able to stop the pixies that want to poke Jessica.

However, when Fred is taken ill with gangrenous eyelashes, it looks as though the spiteful pixies will prosper.

Will Fred Wu be able to save both the day and his eyelashes?Writer Unknown delivers a brave and poignant story that explores the love between a gardener and his sister

the end